My 40s have been my most chaotic decade ever: the highest highs and lowest lows and most of it unexpected. In my 30s, I worked hard and channeled all of my energy outward; in my 40s, I’ve worked just as hard, but channeled most of my energy inward — which is the reason why I am able to say that, even with all the ups and downs, successes and setbacks, I am more grounded and content than I have ever been. Perhaps my favourite discovery lately has been how easily emotional maturity can sit alongside childlike joy. I feel the most competent and well-adjusted I’ve ever been, and also the most energized and youthful.

Someone on IG expressed surprise when I posted a story about feeling young; they misunderstood my comments to mean a youthful appearance, and thought that seemed at odds with my general vibe. They were wrong, but also kinda right. I am not intentionally trying to look young, though it may end up seeming that way as an indirect result of other things I am pursuing (indulging my nostalgia by rediscovering 90s and 00s fashion, embracing fitness, etc.). I have no interest in “dressing my age”, which people often equate with a desire to appear younger. In my case, it means that I’m not interested in dressing like any age, because I think age is an irrelevant metric for pretty much anything at this stage of my life.

When I say that I want to feel young, what I’m really talking about is two things. One, I want to feel ageless, that is to say, not defined by my age. (Hence, why I’m embracing fitness. I need my body to keep up with the mind’s program.) Two, I want to feel the excitement, wonder, curiosity, and joy that I felt as a child — when the world seemed filled with wonder and possibility and cool sh*t to explore. I’ve now got some maturity under my belt to balance out my decision-making, but it’s that youthful zing that gets me out of bed every morning, excited to discover what the day holds.

Anyway, I’m 46 now.

Which sounds like a weird number, tbh. But I’ve always had funny feelings about numbers in general.

I got three four presents for my birthday and they all feel very emblematic of the Me of Now. Let’s take a look!

Gucci Rush Perfume

As is our tradition, my dad’s present was a perfume. Rush is one that I’ve been trying to get for a while: another one of my 00s faves, it still goes hard twenty years later. I believe it was recently discontinued, but we were able to find a bottle without too much difficulty. As soon as I sprayed it, I was in heaven. I may have to try to stock up before this becomes as rare and HTF as my beloved Gucci Envy.

Vintage Coach Bag

I love the color and shape of this vintage-ish Coach bag (late 00s or early 10s, I think); it makes a great addition to my Coach collection. These days, I don’t buy bags very often — and designer bags never — except the odd Coach one that tickles my nostalgic fancy. I feel like their simple, classic designs suit my (varied) aesthetic the best, and the quality is unmatched for the price. The secondhand market for older Coach bags is exploding, but there are still some good bargains to be found if you’re patient.

Vintage Liverpool FC Jersey

Football is another one of my nostalgic obsessions. Though I am locked in with the 2026/2027 season (La Liga and Premier League), my heart still belongs to my 2000s faves. Perhaps none more so than Fernando Torres, one of the decade’s best strikers. His career trajectory was a bit of a shooting star, but from about 2006 to 2010, he was incredibly exciting to watch. (On and off the pitch, ahem.) I have a list of dream football jerseys I’d like to own, and several of his are on the list. This one is not at the top of the list, but it’s close; Torres’ Liverpool stint was his prime, and this long-sleeved red jersey was absolutely iconic — then, and now.

Girl Gang Time

My best friend lives in Montreal now, and we don’t get to see each other often. Traveling has its challenges for both of us, for different reasons. For me, money’s no object but I hate flying (and don’t like being away from my family). For her, flying’s no problem, but she’s on a graduate student budget. A few months ago, my husband had a brilliant idea: we would buy her a ticket to fly out and come stay with us for a week. Challenges solved! We chose the week that coincided with both of our birthdays — two Leos, imagine that! — and we had the most wonderful time. My daughter joined us on some of our adventures around town (she loves all the same things we do: thrifting, books, ramen & boba) and we made the best girl gang. And the best memories.

It was the best birthday present of all.

It was a Dickens of a week again. A couple of days ago, our car ended up getting wrecked in one of the storms that seemed to have become the Edmonton norm this summer. We’d been lucky to escape unscathed so far, but our luck ran out. Because of that, we’ve had to postponed our planned trip to BC (which was already on the line because of wildfires over there). On the brighter side, my bestie arrived for a visit this week and we’ve been making the most of our time together. Her birthday was on Wednesday and mine is on Saturday — it’s Leo season, baby!

I’m turning 46 but going into it with renewed excitement and energy. I have a bunch of personal passion projects on the go that I’m super pumped about, and they are making me so excited for what comes next. It’s a feeling that reminds me of childhood, when the world seemed full of nothing but possibility and fun. Except, now, I’m the adult in the room and I can indulge all my passions and pursue my dreams without worrying about other people’s rules and expectations. That’s the key bit that I want to hold on to as I enter this next chapter/year: the joy of doing things purely because they make me happy, and sharing that joy with others without asking for permission, approval, or validation.

The downside of losing our planned vacation is that my vacation reading list is probably going to languish for a bit. I do want to get through it, but it may take me longer than a week now. Because … the upside of a staycation is that I’ll get more time to write! I’m hoping to power through the last half of my current WIP and finish it before I have to go back to work. I need to get this story down on paper, ASAP, so I can get it out of my head and make room for other things, haha! I am absolutely obsessed with it at the moment, and I get ridiculously excited every chance I sit down to work on it, because I get to discover a little bit more of the story and characters. My new number one goal for 2027 is to bring out this book series — I can’t wait to share it with y’all.

My other new goal is to brush up on my Spanish. It’s been 25+ years since I practiced it consistently, and I’m beyond rusty at this point. But now that I’ve picked up football as a hobby (again), and Atletico Madrid as my Cinderella team, it seems like a good opportunity to work on getting back to a better proficiency. I don’t expect to become fully fluent or anything — though anything’s possible! — but it would be great to be able to follow the news and commentary on my team in Spanish.

I’m still trying to figure out my exact plans for my birthday, but I’m not too fussed about the specifics; with my family and bestie around, I know it will be fun no matter what. The hardest part is going to be picking my birthday outfit 🙂 I’ve been experimenting with a slightly different vibe lately, which has also been fun, so I have almost too many options to choose from. I’m not complaining though. It’s a good problem to have.

Have a great weekend!

Other than my son’s birthday on Monday (I got my days confused last week, lol!), the big thing this week was the World Cup aftermath. I watched the final game on Sunday and screamed my lungs out when Ferran Torres scored the winning goal. It feels so rare and so satisfying when the right team comes out ahead, and karma is fulfilled. I was a mostly casual watcher of the World Cup, and I don’t buy into nationalist tribalism as a general rule, so I had no particular favourite teams going in. Even into the final. I hadn’t watched Argentina’s previous games in the tournament, and while I had a sense that the team was disliked, I didn’t have a ton of context as to why.

Well.

I soon saw for myself.

The behaviour of that team in the final, on and off the pitch, was an absolute disgrace from a sportsmanship perspective (never mind the actual football played). The constant fouling, attempted ref manipulations, the post-game violence … blergh. Spain was a class act, and the better team technically.

Because I ended up getting sucked into the spirit of the World Cup with the last few games especially (England-France was a wild, fun ride!), my IG algorithm now thinks I’m a football fan, LOL! Plot twist: I used to be! I grew up in Romania, after all, and spent a few years in England so this shouldn’t be a complete surprise. So, I’ve been drawn into a nostalgic spiral, watching cuts of big football moments from the 2000s – the last decade whose players I still remember (some of them very fondly) — and enjoying the memories that are resurfacing.

There was one particular meme making the rounds just before the final that unlocked a core memory for me: people posting that they became a fan of Spain because, at 13, they fell in love with Fernando Torres, aka El Nino. I was quite a bit older than that but I, too, had a massive crush on him in the mid-2000s, which I had forgotten about until now. It brought back that whole era for me so vividly.

[Sidenote: El Nino is still pretty dishy even today. As is Sergio Ramos ;)]

I think I’m going to write a whole post about some reflections inspired by the World Cup – don’t worry, it won’t be about my fave cute Spanish players, or the Haaland-Bellingham bromance, although maybe it should be – so I’ll leave it here for now. And instead bore you a little bit more by talking about my other current obsession: my new book.

I was not supposed to start a new book at this time, but life happens.

A couple of weeks ago, I got this fantastic idea for a follow-up to the book I just wrote back in May (which is still pretty much in raw draft form at this point). Committing to a series before you’re even sure that the first book is any good is … not a great idea. But this new story has got me by the throat. I started writing an outline – it involves a lot of world-building and I was trying to feel my way around it – and the next thing I knew, I was 4 chapters deep into a first draft. Oops!

For now, I’ll just say this: think The Name of the Rose meets Interview with the Vampire. A murder mystery set in a convent on an island, where all the nuns are vampires. Vampire nuns! And a protagonist who has a special gift for talking to supernatural creatures, and a fallen angel for a sidekick/bodyguard.

I am so pumped!

Have a great weekend!