Recently, I listened to two fascinating podcast episodes that converged on a theme that left me with a lot to chew over. The first one is an older (2024) episode of Diabolical Lies, “Taylor Swift, Injectables, and Other Genres of Magical Thinking.” The second is a recent episode of Culture Study, “The Politics of White Women’s Hair,” in which Anne Helen Petersen interviewed Sarah Mesle, the author of Tangled: Seven Iconic Moments in White Women’s Hair and What They Tell Us About Power, Pleasure, and Complicity. I can’t recommend both enough, and I am putting the book on my library request list too. There is a lot to unpack in their respective discussions, but one of the main themes could be summed up as: what is the ‘right way to woman’ and how does that uphold existing race and class structures.

The bottom line is that women — including those at the top of the hierarchy of marginalized groups thanks to their whiteness –always exist in a precarious position vis-a-vis power in a patriarchal capitalism society and that ‘womaning’ the right way is a hamster wheel of existential futility. It sounds depressing and it is. But at the micro level of beauty trends and such, it’s fascinating to observe how the machinery works to keep the hamster wheel constantly turning, exhausting women’s mental, emotional, and financial resources. And I think it’s a useful exercise because it exposes the guts of the lie; the more you see it for what it is, the less compelling it becomes.

Both episodes led me down tangents of reflection about my own engagement with beauty ideals. It’s natural to want to think that one is wise to capitalist trickery — who wants to admit they can be manipulated without their knowledge? — and surprisingly easy to reassure oneself that this is, in fact, the case. “I do X because I like X, not because society tells me that I should do X; that’s just a coincidence.” And, actually, the first part of that statement is probably true, in many cases. It’s possible to genuinely believe that a particular preference is the product of free, uninfluenced choice — even when it’s not. In most cases, it’s not … because we live in a society, not on a deserted island, and are subject to social conditioning from the moment we are born. But Western society is powered by the illusion of free choice and untrammelled individualism, so the system requires that people believe it.

I don’t think there is something inherently wrong about making decisions that are influenced by external forces, whether in our environment, social norms, etc. People are social creatures, and there is no getting away from that. But I do think it’s important to not be afraid to examine what those influences are, and how and why they exert themselves on us. We need to see the machinery clearly. I can tell you, it can be pretty darn uncomfortable. The discomfort of accepting one isn’t free of external influence is the easy part (hard as it may seem at first). It’s a lot harder to dig deeper and confront the fact that some choices which, on the surface, seem either value-neutral or aligned with one’s consciously held values are, actually, a lot more complicated and ‘messy’ than they appear.

And it’s hard to sit with that messiness — because, sometimes, that’s all you can do, at least to start.

That’s the stage I’m currently at: sitting with the mess of unpacked choices.

For example: hair. We could talk about this for hours, but I’ll try to keep it brief. For most of my 30s, I rocked various short haircuts. Then, when the pandemic hit, I stopped cutting it — first for practical reasons, then as a kind of challenge (how long can I go?), and finally as an aesthetic choice. I decided that I liked long hair on me and, since hair takes forever to grow, keeping it long made more sense than going through a constant cut-grow cycle.

That was 5 years ago, and my hair has stayed long. It’s currently almost down to my butt, because I haven’t had a trim in about 4 or 5 months. I’ve gotten really lazy about haircuts, which is a nice bonus of long hair. [Anything that allows me to be lazy and not have to do something is great in my books.] This past week, I’ve been thinking about why I keep my hair long, digging deeper than the ‘obvious’ reasons I just gave. One of the reasons that surfaced is that my long hair is a protest against the idea of “age appropriateness”. I’m not sure if it’s still the message that young women receive these days, but when I was in my 20s, the general social consensus was that, after a certain age, women should not have long hair. That long hair wasn’t polished/elegant/mature enough. That there is a whiff of desperation about long hair on older woman; clinging on to one’s youth and fooling nobody.

I like long hair in the same way that I like wearing clothes I wore in my twenties: it doesn’t make me feel like I’m 26 again, but it does make me feel like I’m not ‘trapped’ by my age. I don’t want to be defined by my age, so I don’t confine myself to the aesthetics that supposedly define my age. I love being in my 40s; I love the wisdom and experience and personal growth I’ve earned getting here. I am not interested in disavowing those things by pretending to be younger. I want to celebrate them … but I also want to challenge some aspects of what supposedly comes with age. Or, rather, I want to enlarge the definition. Passion, curiosity, and excitement don’t only belong to youth; they don’t need to be jettisoned in order to give experience its due. Wisdom and curiosity can co-exist. They should coexist.

I am no less vital at 46 than I was at 26, whatever biology might dictate. And I want the world to see that. Long hair is one of my signals.

But …

It’s more complicated than that. Because long hair carries many more and complex connotations. I might say (and believe) that my meaning is X, but that doesn’t exclude Y and Z from the conversation. If long hair is equated with youth, and youth has a premium in society, and I am a woman who has been conditioned from childhood to strive for social status, can I truly say that my choice to have long hair is completely divorced from any consideration of social value? Is there not a part of me, unconscious or otherwise, that enjoys and benefits from the privilege that is conferred by proximity to youth? There probably is, much as I don’t like to think about it or accept it.

Does that mean that I am going to cut my hair short now?

No, of course not. What long hair means to me hasn’t changed. The fact that I still, experientially, enjoy having long hair hasn’t changed. Cutting my hair doesn’t save me from the hamster wheel. Because if it says, on one hand, “I reject the supremacy of youth,” it also puts me back into the “women of a certain age should look like this” bucket.

So, what was the point of the whole exercise? To understand what lies behind a choice that seems reflexive — the values, the messages, the nuances. That clarity is a good thing. Being able to confront uncomfortable facts and grapple with nuances and hold contradictions is part of growing up, growing wise.

I was going to talk about Botox next, but this post is already too long so let’s save that for another time.

I would love to hear your thoughts, especially if you’ve had a chance to listen to the podcasts I mentioned. Let’s talk about it in the comments!

I am very much a collector at heart, so you would be forgiven for questioning that title, but here’s the thing: the accident is the what not the why. Some collections are intentional; methodically planned, sought, assembled. Other collections just … sorta … happen. Sometimes, it happens because you find one cool thing and decide that you like it and want to find more to keep it company. Sometimes, it happens because you find and buy a bunch of what seem like random one-offs until, one day, you realize that you’ve got yourself a collection.

It’s no secret that I love accessories, but not all accessories are born equal. Take sunglasses, for example. I’ve never been a sunglasses girlie. To me, they’re functional objects first, decorative ones a very distant second. I don’t like spending money on them. [It might be ass-backwards, but my brain believes in splurging on things it finds beautiful, and saving money on function.] My eyes are very sensitive to light, so sunglasses are a necessity, but I’ve never given them a lot of thought.

So, tell me, then, why I’ve now got a collection of nearly a dozen sunglasses?

One word: thrifting.

What else? Thrifting can make a collector out of pretty much anyone who is dedicated to the hunt, never mind those of us with a predisposition towards collecting. In my case, sunglasseses are far from the only ‘accidental’ collection I started thanks to thrifting. Most of those other collections started because thrifting exposed me to something cool I hadn’t known existed before (e.g. Nemadji pottery) and I became obsessed. The sunglasses? Those just seemed to multiply, somehow.

I don’t always look at the sunglasses rack when I go to the thrift store. In fact, I almost never do — because sunglasses aren’t really my thing. But nearly every time I do look, I seem to find a cool designer pair. And if I’m not a sucker for sunglasses, I am a sucker for a good bargain. Designer sunglasses are ridiculously expensive … except at the thrifts. Sure, I’ll buy a $5 pair. Why not? If I lose or break one, I’ll have a back-up. Sensible, right? Well, that’s how you end up with a dozen, eventually.

The funniest (ironic?) part is that, 9 times out of 10, I end up wearing the same pair. I’ve had it for a few years now and the coating on the frame is starting to peel, but I can’t bring myself to let it go. The other thing about me and objects I consider functional is that I will wear them into the ground. Like, until the wheels come off and then some. Doesn’t matter if I have better options; the habit (of using/wearing the old thing) has me in a chokehold.

But, yeah, I should probably pick a new daily pair. One of these days, I will.

Let’s look at the options, shall we?

Let’s start with all my Quays. The bottom pair is my current fave/daily. The others are fun but they’re too “statement” for daily use. I need something a little more subdued, unless I’m going all out with a more maximalist kind of vibe.

From top to bottom: Cavalli, Vogue, Alfred Sung. All of these have a fun retro flair, but the first two are a little more over-the-top. I’ve been wearing the bottom pair a fair bit lately. It has a Y2K vibe that suits my current aesthetic — probably because they are from the early 2000s. They’re in mint condition, too. [Like all the sunglasses I thrift. Always check for scratches!] I’m not sure the shape suits my face as well as the cat-eye Quay pair, but they’re a solid option.

From top to bottom: Dior, Dior, McQueen. I am not 100% sure the top pair is authentic, but the other two definitely are. Would you believe me that I paid $10 or less for each of these? It’s true. In fact, it’s true for all of the sunglasses in my collection. The top pair is cool; I like the reflective lenses, lookswise. However, not a huge fan of this particular colour of lenses to wear (it leans a bit too yellow).

I love the classic style of the middle pair, but it’s a bit too narrow for my face; if I wear it for an extended period, it starts to hurt around the temples. My daughter has her eye on these sunglasses, however, so I think they’ll probably “disappear” from my collection one of these days.

The McQueen pair is perfect; a more refined version of my trusty Quays. Weirdly enough, I’d forgotten that I had this pair until I started writing this post. They managed to get lost in my big bowl of sunglasses, somehow. Yes, I keep most of my sunglasses in a bowl on a console table near the front door — easy access when I’m on my way out. Are you horrified? I told you I’m not precious about sunglasses. [And it’s another reason why I’d never spend hundreds of dollars on a pair.] I did decide to rescue this pair and store it in a proper case … at least until it’s their turn to become my daily.

This Tom Ford pair are the only sunglasses I kinda, sorta babied from the start. Honestly, they are really, really nice so even I felt bad about just shoving them in a bowl. I thrifted the case separately, by the way. Don’t sleep on that section of the thrift store either. You can find some very nice cases, usually for $5 or less. I’ve found three different velvet Gucci cases, that each for $40+ on eBay. An expensive sunglasses case makes even less sense to me than expensive sunglasses, but I won’t pass up a stylish one if it’s practically free.

And there you have it: my accidental sunglasses collection. I’m pretty sure there’s at least one pair (or two) that I’ve forgotten in some drawer or other, so it’s safe to say that I’m not in any danger of running out of backups any time soon.

Do you have any accidental collections? Let’s talk about it!

Going back to work after a vacation is never the most fun, but the universe took pity on me and decided not to test me too much this week. The kids are still on vacation, which helps – my AuDHD brain can only handle so much change in routine all at once. With my son starting high school soon, the next few weeks are going to be, um, interesting. Send thoughts and prayers, if you can spare them.

And remind me again: how is possible that I have a high schooler??

Which reminds me … this blog is almost old enough to be heading off to college *cries in where did the time go*

Speaking of fresh starts, the new La Liga (Spanish football) season kicked off this week, and my team won its first game. Yes, I am still locked in with my latest obsession. In fact, I am now waiting for the Premier League season to start as well, so I can spread out my hyperfixation, lol! I’ve even found a podcast I like for football updates and commentary, which is how you know things are getting serious.

I love finding new podcasts to add to my rotation. I like having background “noise” to listen to while I scrapbook, but I’m picky about not only topics but also hosts, so I often just end up recycling old episodes of my standbys. Recently, in addition to the football one, I also started listening to Diabolical Lies and In Case You Missed It (ICYMI). The former reminds me a bit of If Books Could Kill and Maintenance Phase, two of my faves. The latter is a bit more like The Culture Study podcast, which I also love (Anne Helen Petersen is the best!)

If you’ve got some good reccs for me, please share!

I am embarrassed to admit that the only books I managed to squeeze in the last month have been two on football (one about the history of the Premier League and one about the FBI investigation of FIFA, juicy!). My TBR pile is completely out of control and a constant source of shame. After having to change vacation plans, I didn’t end up reading any of the books I had set aside for the trip to BC. They are still waiting for me, along with a few more I thrifted recently. I keep saying that I will buckle down … and I keep getting distracted. Mostly with writing.

All that to say: sometimes, balls will be getting dropped. (And not just on the pitch, har har!) And that’s OK. Life comes in seasons, and some of them aren’t for reading.

You know what else I’ve not been doing? Writing about fashion on this ye olde blogge. Oops! I feel like there are lots of things I want to say and share here, but none of them (or most) have to do with fashion. Don’t get me wrong! I still love clothes and putting together outfits, but I feel like I’m talked out when it comes to the subject. After sixteen years, what else is there to say? The fashion wheel keeps turning, our tastes keep evolving … plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose, you know?

So, tell me: what shall we talk about next?

Have a great weekend!