It’s been a rough week, my friends. My thoughts about it are not all that coherent or eloquent, and I would normally keep them off the blog, but for reasons that will become apparent, I’m going to go ahead and share them.

So, in no particular order …

Over the last six months or so, the stress levels associated with the quotidian challenges of my life have been slowly creeping up. I’m not sure why that is (or why it’s happening now) but the impact has been manifesting in ways that are increasingly difficult for me to manage. I’m tired all the time; it’s a mental and emotional exhaustion as much as it is a physical one. It has left me in a place where even minor annoyances – or a bad news cycle, which seem increasingly routine these days – can feel like the proverbial last straw. It is not a good place.

Since last week, I have been following the Harvey Weinstein story (as reported in the NYT, New Yorker, and elsewhere). It has brought up a lot of feelings; their intensity took me by surprise. Living in the Trump era has desensitized me to many things, including things like this; or so I thought. Again, perhaps this was no more than a last straw. I believe all women have met at least one Harvey Weinstein in their lives, be it the personal or professional or both. I always thought I had a good handle on my own experiences; I’m starting to think that might be just something I told myself. A compromise. I wore my cynicism like a badge, not seeing it for what it was: complicity. Every time I didn’t speak up and smiled instead, hoping to disappear into the background, I was acquiescing in the status quo. With the guilt comes anger – anger for the fact that complicity felt like my only option. The public reaction to the Weinstein revelations has been no less emotionally taxing. There is so much more I could say about this, and want to say about this, but I’m going to leave it at that because this is not the place for it. And that’s a whole other story.

Earlier this week, my husband and I were subjected to a very troubling episode of online trolling/harassment which crossed into real life. It was not related to this blog. I hope that it has come to an end, and nothing more will come of it, but the whole experience was deeply upsetting. It has made me feel very vulnerable, particularly in relation to my online presence. It was, in its way, another last straw.

The fact is that I cannot continue with this blog right now. I have no emotional bandwidth left for it. It has been my passion and my creative outlet for over seven years, and it’s strange and a little scary to think of it not being a part of my life. It used to feel like a safe refuge; it doesn’t now. So, for now, I need a break.

I am not writing this to elicit your sympathy or comments. I appreciate that many of you have been following for a long time, and I believe you deserve a few words of explanation for my absence. I am going to miss your comments more than you know. I’m going to miss this corner of the internet — yeah, that’s hokey and I don’t care. Thank you for the community you helped to build. It’s not farewell; let’s just say … till next time.