I don’t propose to dwell too much on the events of the past month, as it would not make for especially light reading, so instead I will focus on – duh, what else – what I wore. There were days when getting dressed was pretty much the only achievement I could boast of, but it was something to hold on to. I’ve been on a leave of absence from work, so what I wore reflected my somewhat twilight-zone-feeling existence, but I tried to inject as much colour into it as I could, on the principle that colour = much needed cheer.

But I also wore pyjamas in public and tried to make it fashion.

Here are a few of my other favourite outfits from last month:

One of the blessings of an otherwise pretty sh*tty year has been an early, beautiful summer. I am making the most of it, as much as I can, which means being outside more than usual (compared to when I’m working). Recreating my aesthetic on the casual end of the spectrum has been interesting for sure. I haven’t felt like myself at times (well, many times to be honest) but I think that’s a function of grief, more than anything else. Getting dressed has been a largely reflexive thing, rather than a creative outlet as in the past. I expect that will change again as time goes on. I’ve let go of expectations about what this journey will look like and where it will take me.

I’ve been doing a fair bit of “thrift therapy” lately – it’s a nice way to lose myself in a pleasant activity for an hour – but I’ve been focusing mostly on jewelry and house wares rather than clothes. I love finding treasures, especially the kind that I can use for an upcycling project, but when it comes to clothes, fewer things spark my interest. As in all things, I’m rolling with it. I’ve been thinking for a while about how, some day, I would love to have a little vintage (house wares) shop, and that dream is speaking to me even more these days. It’s not something I plan to jump into any time soon, as I have much to learn and plan first. If you would like to see more of the non-fashion stuff I’m thrifting, let me know.

I didn’t intend to drop off the face of the earth last month but life knocked me sideways and, well, it happened. My mother passed away at the end of April after a short and terrible battle with pancreatic cancer. It is still unfathomable to me that she was fine 3 months ago, then she suddenly wasn’t, and then she was gone. She was at the centre of my world. I am left trying to make sense of it all, and of the world without her.

I have no desire to write about that part of my life here, but at the same time, my mom is a part of everything I am, so it seemed impossible not to acknowledge what happened in some way. Grief is a journey I have only started, but I know that I am already someone different than I was.

I am not ready yet, but I hope that I will be back to writing here again soon.