Pull up a chair, friends, this might be a long one.

A few weeks ago, I responded to a troll-ish comment on one of my Instagram posts, which resulted in an exchange that, while not in itself particularly interesting, did spark the inspiration for this post. Quoted in its entirety, the original comment was “too much botox”. I will admit that my assumptions about its author’s intentions were based primarily on the context (I was talking about my hair in the post in question), the individual’s anonymous profile, and their previous commenting history on my account. I normally don’t respond to comments of this kind, but I was feeling salty that morning and replied in that spirit. I was somewhat surprised when, the next day, the anonymous commenter responded, though the tenor of their response was predictable. [You can see our entire exchange on my post from March 1, 2019 if you wish.] What I think I was supposed to take from it was that this person was a better feminist (and possibly a better parent) than me. Bless her/his/their heart.

Let me say this straight up: Botox is not a feminist choice. Botox is not an unfeminist choice. Feminism is not a value system.

Got your attention? Good. Let’s proceed.

I have read that trolls tend to be good at targeting people’s weak spots; if so, my Instagram commenter is not a very good troll. I don’t care what people think about the way I dress or look (which is not to say that rude comments are not hurtful). I am not invested in the “wokeness” Olympics. If there is one thing I am learning as I get older, it’s that I still have so much to learn – about everything, and especially about and from BIPOC, LGBTQ and other minorities and marginalized groups. And I consider myself a feminist, but always, in my mind, with an asterisk beside it.

Some days, I’m not even sure I know what feminism means. I was recently reading about TERFs (Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminists) and I pretty much threw up my hands because … honestly? If the “feminist” label can be applied to something like this, it becomes meaningless. I feel like every discussion of feminism now has to come with a preamble that clearly spells out what is intended to be meant by the term, so that everyone participating in the discussion can be on the same page at least in understanding the context. So here is my asterisk.

That being said, feminism to me is not concerned with a person’s choices – only their agency. That’s what I mean when I say that it’s not a value system. Religion is a value system. It says that Choice A is morally superior to Choice B for X Reasons. The only way I can see feminism approaching that kind of territory is when it comes to choices that may impact other people’s agency (their ability to make unconstrained choices for themselves). So, for example, I can agree that denying another person access to basic human rights (bodily autonomy and safety, food, shelter, medical care, education, etc.) is an unfeminist act. The farther the discussion moves away from those kinds of choices or acts, the less I am willing to concede that we are still talking about feminism.

I also think there is a dangerous fallacy that feminism means blindly supporting other people’s choices. I don’t believe it does. Let me repeat it again: feminism is not a system concerned with values. I support others’ right to make their own choices, free from constraints related to things like gender, race, sexual orientation, etc. Feminism doesn’t mean that I have to support or, in other words, place equal value or worth in every choice another woman makes, simply because we are both women. I can decide, for myself, the value system by which to live my life. What I can’t do, as a feminist, is impose my value system on another person. I might think someone is dead wrong in a choice they make, but as long as they’re not hurting someone else or denying another person their rights, then it’s not incumbent on me (as a feminist) to do anything about it.

Do people get to have opinions (or value judgments) about my choices? Of course. I have lots of opinions too. Are they entitled to tell me their opinions? Entitled is the wrong word here, though it gets thrown about a lot, but they are certain free to tell me their opinion. I am equally free when it comes to the way I choose to respond. But nothing about that discussion has to do with feminism. Perhaps the only feminist thing about it might be the fact (assumption?) that it involves two people who each feel empowered to make choices for themselves.

So, to wrap up on my original thesis, Botox is neither a feminist nor unfeminist choice. My choice to get Botox does not prevent you from choosing to not get Botox, nor does it invalidate or undermine that choice. You might say, “but, Adina, your choice is supporting a patriarchal expectation for women to look a certain way.” And to that I would say, “and how is that different than being told that I must look some other way instead?” My feminism means ensuring that people’s choices about how they look does not constrain their ability and opportunity to make other choices in their life. [An obvious exception is personal attraction. I’m not interested in dictating what other people find attractive. But, like, I don’t care if my doctor likes to dress like a goth, or has cornrows, or gets Botox. It’s entirely irrelevant to our socio-economic relationship, and I would hate to know that someone choose not to pursue a medical career because they didn’t feel their personal appearance would allow them to do that.]

Well, that was a whole lot more writing than I meant to do, so let’s leave it here for now. Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk 🙂

After I published the last post on style avatars, a reader reached out to ask about the Adventurer persona and how I put together my casual outfits. Inspired by our conversation, I put together this post to illustrate my go-to outfit formulas.

Before we move on to the photos, a couple of notes. I get asked a lot about how my style could translate to hot climate-appropriate outfits. My ability to answer that is limited, to be honest. One, because I’ve never lived in a hot climate; and two, because I suspect the real answer is “not easily”. Layering is a key element of my style, which is going to be challenging no matter what if you’re dealing with plus 40 Celsius weather and have to spend any significant amount of time outside of air-conditioned spaces. Other key elements of my style – like knits and blazers – are also tough propositions in that kind of climate.

My only suggestion is to adjust to different fabrics (like linen, cotton, breathable poly blends) and look for standalone pieces that come with built-in draping and/or other visually-interesting details. My Ayrtight maxi, for example: it’s a linen blend, it’s sleeveless and lightweight, it can be worn belted or unbelted for differing effect, and it’s a “statement” piece on its own.

Another thing I want to note has to do with how I wear my clothes. I usually get “dressed up” (to varying degrees) when I leave the house, no matter how minor my reason for going out. I mean, I won’t wear a ballgown to the grocery store, but I will put on jeans and a sweater. My loungewear is reserved exclusively for being at home, unless I’m sick or just in a DGAF frame of mind (which rarely happens unless I’m in a funk). But, while at home, I ONLY ever wear loungewear. As soon as I come home, my “regular” clothes come off, and the sweatpants or leggings come on. If I’m working from home, same thing. [NOTE: I only WFH one or two days a week now, so to me that’s a break from having to get dressed. If I was full-time WFH, my approach might be different because I know I would miss getting dressed up.] Bottom line, I have no cute “working from home” outfit ideas for anyone. I’m pretty sure my Lululemons and ratty company T-shirt is not going to inspire any of you.

OK, let’s move on to my casual outfits.

As I mentioned before, layers are a key component of my style, casual or otherwise. That works for my lifestyle, because I live in a pretty cold climate. On occasion, though, I will put together an outfit that doesn’t have that 3^rd (or 4^th!) “completer” piece. For example:

This is (barely) a step above jeans and t-shirt – and equally comfy, I might add – and it’s the little details that count. The pants are a “dressy” fabric, but the rolled cuffs and drawstring waist make them look more fun/casual. I’m wearing flats as opposed to sneakers, which fit my aesthetic better (there’s nothing wrong with the latter choice) but are still very comfy. I’ve tucked in my tops, and added minimal accessories, and that’s about it.

Another low-effort formula is casual pants+sweater. For me, casual pants is a categories comprised of denim, jeggings, and chinos. Here are some examples of the latter:

These are all very basic outfits, but I try to be intentional about accessories. A “polished” shoe, whether it’s flats or boots, can make a big difference. Also, I like finding pieces that are a bit unique; these Pilcro chinos have a contrast stripe on the inner calf and at the waist, and it adds a little je ne sais quoi. Clearly, I’m also a fan of rolled cuffs.

A fun way to add visual interest to a basic outfit is with a scarf:

Han Solo was a fan of scarves, rights?

You know what else he liked? Leather.

I like to incorporate leather (real or faux) into my outfits in different ways:

An easy option is (p)leather leggings:

I like to balance out the skinny leg silhouette with volume (and texture) on top, so a chunky sweater (and scarf) is my go-to.

There is, of course, also the leather jacket. I used to wear jean jackets a lot, and then I thrifted my (faux) leather Joe Fresh moto jacket and never looked back. More recently, I acquired a butterfly-embroidered real leather jacket, which adds a bit of whimsy that I’m sure Han would appreciate:

But, like I said, layering is my ultimate outfit-making tool. Versatile pieces are key. This Club Monaco short-sleeve field jacket is a good example:

In the spring, I can layer it over a long-sleeved top or light sweater. In the summer, over a thin camisole. In the fall, I can double up the (knit) base layers. As an aside, the grey sleeveless vest I am wearing in the photo on the right is another key layering piece. It’s soft and lightweight enough to be worn on its own during warmer weather, but it can also be layered over and under other things easily without adding bulk.

Another favourite layering piece is the blazer, of course.

Blazers over sweaters and paired with casual pants is SO EASY. The juxtaposition between a structured blazer (especially in a “posh” material like tweed or velvet) and some “rough and tumble” pants is always fun.

Last but not least, my secret is this: once you’ve hit on an outfit that works, tweak it slightly to turn it into a half dozen outfits. For example:

I am wearing the same jeans and boots in all 3 cases, and the same sweater twice. But with small tweaks, I can legitimately call these separate outfits. Here’s another set:

[yes, I am using one of the same photos from above, but work with me.]

Same coat, slightly different looks. For me, the key is to avoid feeling repetitive while, in fact, sticking to a winning combination as much as possible.

This year, February had 2 things going against it: it was frigid as hell, and it was the month before my eagerly-awaited vacation. I hated every minute of it. Nah, I’m just kidding. It wasn’t that bad. But I’m glad it’s over because (a) March feels like a month when I can reasonably allow myself to dream of spring (it’s not close but it’s closer) and (b) I’m off to Mexico! Hasta la vista, fam!

Ok, but first:

I wasn’t sure how February’s outfit lineup would turn out because most of it was improvised on the fly, but I actually really like. I feel like my wardrobe is really gelling right now, which is a big part of my satisfaction with the resulting outfits. My key accent for the month was red (different shades) and I like how that warmed up my usual neutrals.

I’ve been doing a bit of closet-editing in anticipation of my clothing swap and a secondhand sale event I’m participating in later in March. I feel like I’ve reached the point where almost all of the pieces left in my closet are an 8, 9 or 10 (out of 10). Which is great … were it not for all the cool things I keep finding at the thrift store, and can’t resist bringing home. I’m working on my thrifting FOMO, and definitely being far more selective than before. But I’ll never not get excited about experimenting with new pieces, so I think my next wardrobe management exercise will be to set aside a “core” closet (of staple pieces and statement items that I mean to keep long term) and a smaller, rotating capsule of “trendy” pieces that I can replace regularly – always thrifting and recycling, of course.

What’s new in your closet these days?