I’ve made little secret (especially on IG) of how much I’ve struggled with the query process, which is the first step in the traditional publishing journey. At the risk of indulging in a little bit of hyperbole, I would say that it’s a miracle I haven’t packed up writing altogether because of it. I recently had something of an epiphany about this when I realized that what was most soul-crushing to me about the process wasn’t even the constant rejection. [Although that hasn’t been a lot of fun, it’s at least good practice for a writer.] It was the fact that it made me feel like I had no control over my own writing journey.

Now, it goes without saying that, in life, control is often and mostly illusory. We don’t, and can’t, control nearly as much as we like to think. At the same time, having a sense of control – at least over some aspects of our lives, particularly the more meaningful ones – is necessary to our well-being. Without it, we risk falling into despair. Well, I do, anyway. With age, I’ve accepted that there are, indeed, many things I cannot control. My mom’s sudden death and my own brush with cancer were stark proof of that. But this has made it all the more important for me to feel in control of some things. Work-life balance was a big one. Another one should have been obvious to me, but wasn’t … until very recently.

My creative work is one of the things that gives me a sense of purpose. [Purpose, too, is fundamental to well-being, imo.] Writing is the core of my creative life. Ergo, to be happy, I need to feel that I have (some) control over my writing journey. That I am directing it, rather than being a largely passive participant. When I put it like that, it’s pretty obvious that I was always going to struggle with trad publishing. In that sphere, success is largely dictated by external forces – and that includes the definition of ‘success’. This, by the way, is not meant to denigrate trad publishing, or suggest that it’s not a viable and desirable path for many writers. It has pros and cons, which are very much determined by the individual writer’s goals, needs, and strengths.

In my case, I came to realize that there was a misalignment both in terms of goals and needs. I decided to pursue trad publishing for what was, for me, the wrong reason. I thought I wanted or needed professional validation of my worth as a writer. For someone with ‘authority’ to bless my writing, as it were. This is not, in and of itself, a bad goal or desire. Fundamentally, though, it’s not what I actually want to get out of publishing. [Not that I would not enjoy the ego boosting, but it’s not what really, truly matters the most to me.] I write because I love to write – not to have people praise my writing, not to make a pile of money. I want to publish so that other people have the opportunity to read what I write. To be a story-teller, one must tell stories to someone. But nothing more. Publishing, for me, is about finding my audience, not about winning at publishing.

And that brings me to the other key reason why trad publishing isn’t probably my best fit. Over 15 years of blogging, one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that the content I love to make is, in relative terms, niche content. It doesn’t have a mass market appeal, but the people who appreciate it, REALLY appreciate it. I am not saying this in a self-deprecating way, or to invite compliments or consolation. Personally, I have learned to look at it as a value-neutral statement. [This required some doing, because in a capitalist society, mass market appeal is the highest good.] Actually, I like to think of myself as a person of niche tastes – which is a nice way of saying ‘oddball’, a term I am also prepared to own, thankyouverymuch – so it makes sense that my output as a creator and writer would be similarly niche. I am okay with this.

Trad publishing does not cater to niche interests and/or content. It is a business, operating within late-stage capitalism. Broadly speaking, it needs to sell as much as possible to as many people as possible. The growing popularity of self publishing has contributed to this dynamic, too. There is now more competition for audiences’ attention than ever, and trad publishing can’t afford to bet on anything except ‘sure things’. Self-publishing authors who are not answerable to shareholders can afford to take risks – i.e. create niche content – to an extent that trad publishers cannot.

I’ll confess that, when I first started writing A Party to Murder, I truly believed that it had mass market appeal. People love Agatha Christie, right? And people who love Agatha Christie (like me) are looking for similar books to branch out to, once they finish all the OGs. You see where I was going with that. Turns out, I probably overestimated the market for historical murder mysteries. By, like, a lot. Cozy mysteries are popular, but it seems more in the contemporary genre. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I wrote the books I wrote. Also, and very importantly, having written them and then re-read them, months later, I still love them. I still think they’re fun and funny and entertaining – to the right (niche) audience. And I still want to put them out into the world, even if no one else is willing to help me do it.  

So, yeah: self-publishing.

A Party to Murder, hopefully coming to an Amazon near you in January 2026. Eek!!!

Now that I’ve blathered on about how I realized that self publishing was my answer all along, let me also throw a bucket of cold water all over myself. One of the reasons why I didn’t pursue that route in the first place is because it’s bloody hard. The practical realities of it don’t align as well with my strengths as trad publishing does. I know nothing about how to get a book physically ready for publication, cover design, marketing, etc. etc. etc. I have zero budget to hire professionals to help me along (at least for the time being), so I now have to figure it out on my own. I’ve got my husband in my corner, and he’s far more savvy with some of this stuff than I am, which will be a huge help. But overall, while the end goal and overall direction of self-publishing fits my needs, the process doesn’t fit my strengths. It will be a challenge, no less than querying … but with one key difference.

I will be in control of the process.

I might fall on my face, but at least it will be my doing. And I will try very, very hard not to.

I should probably stop now because, wow, this is a long time to navel-gaze, but I’m going to be cheeky and close this post with an ask.

I need a favour.

If you have enjoyed my content over the years, I would really, really appreciate your help in getting A Party to Murder to connect with its audience. Millions of books get (self)published every year, which means that getting eyes –and especially the right eyes – on your book is extremely difficult. Positive word of mouth and reviews, especially in advance of publication, help a TON. As do pre-orders, which help push a book higher in Amazon’s algorithm and, in turn, make it visible to more buyers. I am going to be writing more about this in the coming months but, for now, if you are interested in supporting me, please consider doing one or more of the following:

• Leave a comment to indicate if you would like to be added to my mailing list to receive updates on the book. I promise not to spam you (mostly because I will have absolutely no time to do so, lol). I will use the email address attached to the comment (which is only visible to me). Alternately, feel free to email me at bluecollarredlipstick(at) gmail (dot) com.

• Let me know if you would be interested in receiving an Advanced Reader Copy of A Party to Murder. For those not familiar with ARCs, their purpose is to generate advance word-of-mouth and reviews in preparation for publication. [Although, feedback on the book itself is always welcome.] So if you’re active on Goodreads or similar bookish spaces and would be inclined to share about the book (assuming you end up enjoying it, of course), please consider requesting an ARC. I am hoping to be in a position to send those out by late November.

• Follow my writing account on IG [murders_she_writes] and share my content with friends whenever it resonates.

OK, that’s it!! Thank you so much for reading this – and always – and I hope you will stick around for the rest of the journey.

I continue to get my butt kicked by every week I think will be nicer to me than the last, and at this point I am ready to call it: it’s not me, it’s them. I’m not the problem here. I’m doing my best, and just because it’s not good enough in the context of *waves hands in every direction* all of this, doesn’t mean it’s inherently subpar. I’m actually getting better at life; it’s life that’s getting worse.

Oddly, that’s comforting. Well, as comforting as things get these days.

Sorry to be a downer. I’m generally all about finding joy in small moments, and beauty in overlooked things, but I think it’s also important to acknowledge that life isn’t all sunshine and lollipops. That is what makes that small joy such a radical act, and it is important to see it as such. And value it accordingly.

Last week ended on a high note: I received an amazing response to my IG announcement that I decided to pursue self-publishing. [More on that next week.] Then the reality set in. It’s an enormous task; I don’t know much about the process, haven’t got the budget to hire professionals, and will have to figure it out as I go. It’s waaaay out of my comfort zone (that’s part of the reason why I chose trad publishing in the first place) and as such, feels really overwhelming to my AuDHD brain. And because that doesn’t put enough on my plate, I also decided to start writing my next book. Procrastination at its finest, you say? Shhhhh.

I’ve been (inwardly) grumbling a lot lately about the state of thrift, and how meh / mid it’s been feeling. I had a good wake-up call this past weekend though. My daughter needs sweatpants for the fall/winter season, and she’s particular about what she wants. We hadn’t had a lot of luck at the thrifts so, in extremis, I decided to send her off (with her dad, because I was busy) to check out a few retail stores. That was a mistake. They came home with 2 pairs of sweatpants and a plain t-shirt from Garage that cost … are you ready for this? $180. From Garage!! It was definitely a case of retail goggles; they struck out at a bunch of stores, it was late in the day, and these sweatpants were the closest thing they’d found to meet my daughter’s checklist. When she got home and tried them on again, she changed her mind. I think by that point, the cost had also sunk in and she realized that they were not a good value proposition. [My daughter has grown up thrifting with me, so her shopping mentality is very much secondhand-coded, if you will.]

Needless to say, we returned everything. But, wow, did this give me (and my daughter) a refreshed appreciation for our thrift stores. As a nice coda to this story, the day after, I found a pair of sweatpants at Value Village that checked all the right boxes and cost $11. And get this: they’re from Garage.

Have a great weekend!

Recently, I got a cute LAUREN Ralph Lauren (LRL) dress off Poshmark, and the first thing I did was to have a close look at it, inside and out, to make sure there were no (previously undisclosed) issues with it. Yes, I did get burned on my last Poshmark purchase but, also, this is just generally good practice. Anyway, in the process, I found myself doing an impromptu assessment of its likely vintage, ultimately concluding that it was probably from circa 2005-2010.

Playing the “guess the vintage” game is a fun – at least if you’re me – so I decided to share my process here in case anyone else wants to play along at home. Keep in mind that I’m neither a fashion history/industry expert nor a sewist, so this is based purely on my experiences as a long-time thrifter and lover of clothes. To better illustrate this particular example, I thought it would be helpful to compare my newly purchased dress with another LRL dress I thrifted last year, which I’ve estimated to be circa 2000-2005.

Style

One of the things I love about the Ralph Lauren brand universe is the constant recycling. Like every other fashion company, they put out new collections all the time which, from season to season and year to year, are pretty diverse. But, if you take a longer view, you can quickly see certain themes and styles that get periodically re-issued in slightly new or different iterations. I think that’s why it’s so easy to spot a “Ralph Lauren piece”. Unlike a lot of designer-led brands these days, RL has a very cohesive and consistent brand identity – much of which comes from the fact they do a lot of the same things, over and over.

I love this for a few reasons. It makes it very easy to mix and match pieces from different decades – great for someone who buys a lot of secondhand. It also makes it easier to find pieces that suit a specific niche you’re looking to fill. Can’t find the current version of that piece? Maybe you can find the 2010s version, or the 2000s version, or the 90s version.

All this to say: the style of a particular RL piece is not, by itself, a super helpful indicator of its vintage.

Haha … next!

Label

RL label tags are the closest thing to a goldmine when it comes to trying to figure out vintage. There is a LOT of information online that breaks down the various sub-brand labels and their different iterations over the years. I’ve written a bit about this before, so I am not going to re-hash all that now. Instead, I’m going to take you through the way I “read” the label on my new Poshmark dress.

First two things to note are (i) it’s a green label (not black, which is current LRL), and (ii) the lettering is woven, not printed on the label. Based on these two things, I would immediately put this dress as pre-2015. This is not a scientific decision, by the way. I don’t know the exact dates when LRL labels changed from one version to another, so this is just my best guesswork based on stuff I’ve seen over the years.

Second thing, and this is slightly less obvious unless you’re familiar with different LRL vintages, the label is narrow … that is, narrower than other versions of the green label. Here is a side-by-side comparison with the label of my other LRL dress:

Older LRL labels tend to be wider/bigger. Again, I don’t have exact dates at my fingertips, but I would personally put the narrower labels down as being post-2005.

The other thing that supports that date range is the country of manufacture. This is another key sign/clue to be found on labels. I’ve also written about this before, but in a nutshell: offshoring of clothing production happened in a certain geographical pattern, starting in the 1950s with Japan (I think) and thereafter moving to other parts of the globe in a sequence that, presumably, followed favourable tax/labour/regulation regimes. China became a common manufacturing location starting in the mid- to late 90s, I think. In many cases, prior to 2000, the “made in” would reference Hong Kong.

In this case, both labels say “made in China” which, to me, points to both of them being produced after 2000.

Materials

While it’s difficult, if not impossible, to date a garment solely based on the fabric used, this can be a helpful clue (in conjunction with other signs) in narrowing down the vintage. The 2 dresses here are a good illustration. Here is a closer look at their materials information:

One is silk, the other is polyester. Care to guess which one has the older-looking tag? Yeah, the silk one. Both of them are lined with polyester but, importantly, the silk one is fully lined whereas the other one is only partially lined (top half only).

We all know that fabric is one of the first categories where companies save on costs. This is why I wanted to use these 2 dresses as an example; both are from the same brand and of similar “dressiness” so it’s an apples-to-apples comparison. After about 2005-2008, use of natural fabrics like silk became increasingly rare in mall/department brands.

Companies also began to scrimp on things like linings – in some cases, to the detriment of the garments. This is actually my biggest pet peeve with the polka dot dress (which, overall, I really like). I’m not universally opposed to polyester, but I hate polyester that easily gets staticky and then clings to the body … and the version they used in this particular dress does. A full lining on the skirt part would have solved that problem, in lieu of using a different fabric. I know because I tried the dress on while wearing a (polyester) skirt slip underneath, and it stopped clinging.

Again, based on the fabric and lining situation, I would put the polka dot dress as being definitely post-2005. Conversely, I would put the other dress as being pre-2005.

Construction

Like fabric, construction is a helpful clue to assess in conjunction with other relevant information. As with fabric, construction is one of the categories where companies try to cut down on costs. The way hems and seams are finished can help narrow down the vintage – not to a specific year, of course, but a general era.

Here’s a comparison of the seams on both dresses:

Again, I’m not a sewist so I don’t know all the technical jargon, but the technique used looks similar to me. However, the actual stitching and finishing on the dress on the left looks a bit neater and, well, nicer. Not a major difference, but I think it does support my assessment that the dress on the left is of slightly older vintage than the polka dot dress on the right.

The last thing I want to point out is a fairly tiny detail, but it’s actually what made me narrow down the vintage of the polka dot dress to 2005-2010. I’ve already talked about why I chose 2005 on the early end. Here’s why I picked 2010 on the late end.

That’s right: a bra strap keeper. These little things used to be not-uncommon on thin-strapped dresses in the past, but they seem to have gone the way of the dodo in the last 10-15 years (outside of designer brands, maybe). I think it’s a very nice touch, and super practical to boot. Sure, they’re easy enough to add at home, but why aren’t brands doing it themselves anymore? Well, we know why: cost, duh.

And that’s it!

Hope this was fun and/or somewhat instructive. Kthanxbye 🙂