Sequin Adventure

I appreciate the Rebecca Taylor aesthetic, even though it skews more “feminine” than my current style, so I rarely pass up their items at the thrift store. I found this bouclé jacket in impeccable condition, including the fringe/sequin trim, so it was kind of a given. I seem to have a knack for finding these types of jackets; it’s my second RT piece with this sort of Chanel-esque vibe. Anyway, it’s a teensy bit on the small side (tight in the shoulders) so it may end up in the Thrift Rats shop, but I could not resist giving it a whirl first. The sequins jingle every time I move my hands. It’s rather delightful.

These high-waisted culottes are my go-to piece to pair with cropped jackets, and they serve their purpose well. Here’s a better look at the blouse I wore under the jacket, because it’s another recent thrift score:

It’s a silk-front, dropped shoulder top from Theory. I can’t begin to tell you how luxurious it feels; not sure why, but cream silk always strikes me as particularly fancy. The back and sleeves are made out of some stretchy, soft, synthetic material, which makes the shirt also feel pretty comfy. Even considering the cowl neck (which I normally dislike), this blouse is a winner in my book. Until the inevitable, ineradicable spill that will eventually take it out of commission; you know it’s coming. Hopefully, by then, I will have gotten my money’s worth out of it – all $7 of it.

Lumberjack Chic

I know I sound like a broken record, but seriously: I am ALL about the chunky sweater. As soon as I laid my hand on this one, I knew I had to have it – without even looking at the label. It’s Athé, by the way, which I believe is Vanessa Bruno’s diffusion line. It’s made out of a wool-mohair-acrylic blend, and it’s just gorgeous. I love the muted colours, all on the cool spectrum (my fave). Paired with my ubiquitous faux leather leggings and black turtleneck, and it’s the perfect weekend uniform.

And how about those boots? These were love at first sight, much like me and Erik Killmonger in that museum scene in Black Panther. The brand is the now-defunct Arnold Churgin, who used to make its house label shoes in Italy and Brazil so the leather and quality is fantastic. I just love the details on these boots, and they are comfy as all get out.

Purple Crush

Velvet blazers are tricky. A lot of them can seem quite dated, depending on the design details, even though velvet is never really out of style. I think this Elie Tahari blazer skirts the line, but it was a risk nonetheless. A risk I could not resist taking on, because the quality was just so damn good. And that colour!

Can we talk about this bag for a minute:

As I mentioned a while back, Anthro bags and I are having a moment. This one was thrifted by my blogging friend Jenn (Life Preloved), who kindly agreed to let me have it as part of a swap – how nice is that? When I asked her if she thought it would suit me, she laughed. I mean, OK. Touché. The floral print; the cute closure; the tortoiseshell accents. YES AND YES AND YES.

If you’ve been reading this blog for more than a minute, then you’re probably familiar with my on-going struggle to properly, and fully, define my style. It feels like I’ve been at it for approximately eleventy million years, but maybe it was only two. Regardless, it has been going on way too long. As a result, while I love most of the individual pieces in my closet, I am vaguely dissatisfied with my wardrobe as a whole. And, still, too many of my outfits – which are, honestly, perfectly fine – end up making me feel like I’m missing my mark, sartorially speaking.

I was scrolling through Instagram recently I came across a picture on my “discover” page that made my heart leap. It was this one, courtesy of the official Oak & Fort account:

This is basically my dream outfit, here and now. It is a little on the too-casual side for my office, but its vibe could easily be adaptable to suit my pretty lenient dress code.

Gosh, I love it so much.

The muted, soft colours. The textures. The slouchiness that looks polished, not sloppy, somehow. The lines.

Love.

The problem … and you can probably guess where this is going … the problem is that only about, hmmm, 40% of my wardrobe falls in line with this style, whatever you want to call it. (Scandi minimalism?) The rest reflects my old style preferences – more feminine, fitted, bold. And they are pieces that I still love in an objective sense; they are perfectly lovely. Hence, my dilemma: what do I do?

There is a part of me who says: clear out everything that doesn’t work anymore, and start with a clean slate. I mean, I would still have more than enough clothes to get dressed for day-to-day, while in the process of adding new pieces to suit my current aesthetic. Lately, I have been getting better about sticking to that approach with new purchases anyway. And yet … there is a really strong, almost visceral, inner resistance to this idea.

Which I find really interesting, to be honest – especially now that it has dawned on me that maybe my reaction isn’t necessarily tied to the clothes themselves. Maybe what I am resisting is not the letting go of clothes, but of some previous version of myself. I mean, you can call that an epiphany.

(It makes sense, though. Clothes have been a huge aspect of my self-expression for almost a decade now.)

The last few years have been full of changes and upheavals. I think it’s hard to pinpoint a moment of “rebirth” as it is happening (change is a constant process), but perhaps this is one. I always thought moments like that would/should feel sort of … triumphant, I guess. So why does it all feel so uncertain right now? Why is it so hard to let go of things which used to bring me so much joy, but don’t as much now? It’s almost as if I don’t trust myself in this moment to know what I really want. What if I change my mind? What if I will regret giving up all these clothes I invested so much time in finding in the first place?

As I ponder what to do next, I would love to hear from you: have you gone through a big style shift, and if so, how did you manage the process?

It’s been a rough week, my friends. My thoughts about it are not all that coherent or eloquent, and I would normally keep them off the blog, but for reasons that will become apparent, I’m going to go ahead and share them.

So, in no particular order …

Over the last six months or so, the stress levels associated with the quotidian challenges of my life have been slowly creeping up. I’m not sure why that is (or why it’s happening now) but the impact has been manifesting in ways that are increasingly difficult for me to manage. I’m tired all the time; it’s a mental and emotional exhaustion as much as it is a physical one. It has left me in a place where even minor annoyances – or a bad news cycle, which seem increasingly routine these days – can feel like the proverbial last straw. It is not a good place.

Since last week, I have been following the Harvey Weinstein story (as reported in the NYT, New Yorker, and elsewhere). It has brought up a lot of feelings; their intensity took me by surprise. Living in the Trump era has desensitized me to many things, including things like this; or so I thought. Again, perhaps this was no more than a last straw. I believe all women have met at least one Harvey Weinstein in their lives, be it the personal or professional or both. I always thought I had a good handle on my own experiences; I’m starting to think that might be just something I told myself. A compromise. I wore my cynicism like a badge, not seeing it for what it was: complicity. Every time I didn’t speak up and smiled instead, hoping to disappear into the background, I was acquiescing in the status quo. With the guilt comes anger – anger for the fact that complicity felt like my only option. The public reaction to the Weinstein revelations has been no less emotionally taxing. There is so much more I could say about this, and want to say about this, but I’m going to leave it at that because this is not the place for it. And that’s a whole other story.

Earlier this week, my husband and I were subjected to a very troubling episode of online trolling/harassment which crossed into real life. It was not related to this blog. I hope that it has come to an end, and nothing more will come of it, but the whole experience was deeply upsetting. It has made me feel very vulnerable, particularly in relation to my online presence. It was, in its way, another last straw.

The fact is that I cannot continue with this blog right now. I have no emotional bandwidth left for it. It has been my passion and my creative outlet for over seven years, and it’s strange and a little scary to think of it not being a part of my life. It used to feel like a safe refuge; it doesn’t now. So, for now, I need a break.

I am not writing this to elicit your sympathy or comments. I appreciate that many of you have been following for a long time, and I believe you deserve a few words of explanation for my absence. I am going to miss your comments more than you know. I’m going to miss this corner of the internet — yeah, that’s hokey and I don’t care. Thank you for the community you helped to build. It’s not farewell; let’s just say … till next time.