I will be turning 42 this summer. This is my 3rd
year of working from home, and the first working part time. I’m slowly
realizing that I’ve arrived at a bit of a crossroads in my sartorial life. But,
this time, it’s not my aesthetic preferences that are changing – it’s my
lifestyle needs.
I am having a harder time grappling with the resulting shift
than in the past when changes in my closet where being dictated solely by the
evolution of my personal taste. I’m not sure why that is the case; perhaps it’s
a reflection of the complicated feelings I have about this stage of my life in
general. Somehow, it seems like the pandemic and the loss of my mom accelerated
me into a phase that I didn’t expect to enter so soon. It’s not that I feel
old, suddenly. It’s just that, after the slow build-up of my 30s, I feel like I
have suddenly, unexpectedly, finally, come into my own power as a woman. I can’t
explain it very well, but it is a turning inward, finding strength and joy and
inspiration within as opposed to outside. It is a good thing, but it is an adjustment
and it requires me to figure out a whole new way of being.
But let’s talk practicalities.
I don’t expect that I am ever going to go back to working in
an office, certainly not on a full-time basis. In addition, for at least part
of the week, I am living the life of an artist/stay at home parent. And last,
but certainly not least, my body is starting to change too. Now, admittedly, this
is something over which I have some measure of control and, indeed, something I’m
working on – eating healthier, trying to increase my activity level. But the
reality is that the body I have now is not the body I had at 30, or 35, or even
39. I want to be kind to myself, and dress my body in a way that feels kind to
it; dealing with chronic health issues that have worsened slightly over the
last few years makes it more important than ever.
I’ve become so good at dressing myself in a certain way,
which suited the previous phase of my life, that un-learning is hard. A lot of
the outfits I like to wear don’t make as much sense for my current lifestyle.
Now, there is always going to be a certain amount of “dressing up” in my life,
because that’s how I’m wired, but I need to figure out what that looks like
now, as opposed to before. I am always going to be a little “over the top”
compared to the average – whatever that is – but the how of it is what I
need to get a better handle on.
So, lately, I’ve been working to break down the how.
I’m taking my time, observing and getting in tune with my needs, and making mental
notes as certain conclusions begin to crystallize. Here are a few of them.
Blazers
I’ve been trying to break up with blazers for 2 years now,
with some but not enough success. The reality is that, as much as I don’t feel “dressed”
unless I’m wearing (at least) 3 pieces, blazers are not something I ever really
want to wear at home even when I’m working. I’ll make exceptions for some –
knit ones, or loose/unstructured ones that feel more like housecoats – but most
traditional “business suiting” blazers are out. I do love wool blazers as outside
coats in spring and fall, but don’t need very many of them because I have other
coats I like to wear as well, and those seasons are fairly short-lived in this
part of the world.
Re-focus: Because I still love the look of 3 piece outfits, I am looking at other things that might replace blazers in my closet: knit vests and waistcoats, duster-style coats, wraps and ponchos. I wouldn’t say that I am actively looking to buy specific pieces, but when I thrift, I try to orient myself to these types of things as opposed to blazers.
Special Pieces
Okay, this one hurts me a bit. I adore over-the-top pieces:
tulle, sequins, the more drama the better. While there will always be room in
my closet for these things in small doses, I have to figure out how to infuse
drama into my closet in a way that is more wearable for my current lifestyle. Right
now, colour and volume seem like the way to go.
Re-focus: Thankfully, voluminous “nap” dresses are still having a moment. I love them. Bold colours and patterns are never in short supply in thrift stores, and they always cheer me up. And I’ve been looking more and more at vintage pieces (mostly 80s and 90s stuff) which can be quite unique and fun but in wearable ways – like funky sweaters for example.
Jeans
This might seem counterintuitive given that my life is more
casual these days, but I am having a hard time with jeans (and pants in general,
let’s be honest). Primarily, this has to do with my health issues; bloating is a
common symptom, which makes jeans a tricky proposition. I hate low rise jeans because
they emphasize my long torso in a way that I don’t like, but high rise ones can
unexpectedly become uncomfortable if I’m having a bad day … and since bad days can
happen out of the blue (fun!), well … you can imagine.
Re-focus: This is highly specific, but ponte knit, side zip culottes are my Holy Grail pants of the moment. I want them in every colour. They’re comfortable (no waistband, stretchy) and can be dressed up or down (and layered under dresses or tunics) so easily. Mid-rise culottes or palazzo pants are also good, as long as the waistband sits lower on my torso and the fabric doesn’t squeeze. And, lastly, leggings. I have been slowly building up my athleisure collection, which I wear around the house in the evenings and on weekends, while gardening, and when going for walks. Leggings are also great for layering. The key is finding ones that are stretchy without being constrictive.
Shoes
I don’t really wear heels anymore, and certainly not
anything over 2ish inches. But letting go of my old ones is hard; I’ve been
slowing chipping away at my collection of heels, but once I’m down to just the old
favourites, I don’t know what I’ll do. Some I know I save for my daughter (think
Louboutin, Manolo Blahnik, etc.) because it looks like she will have a larger
shoe size like me. But I need to make room for shoes that better suit my
current needs, so at some point, I’ll need to sacrifice my nostalgia and just
say goodbye to a large chunk of my old collection.
Re-focus: Flats, flats, flats. In the summer, I wear Birkenstocks, slip-on sneakers, or my favourite Ash wedge sneakers almost exclusively. In the winter, flat boots and booties (I recently thrifted a pair of OTK flat-heeled boots and I was ecstatic). I love colourful shoes, however, and would like to replace some of my old, beloved J. Crew colourful pumps with a similar, lower-heeled alternative. Because I do appreciate a little height boost, I would like to find some kitten heels; I know they’re not considered trendy or cool, but IDGAF. My current Holy Grail is a shoe similar to the Manolo Blahnik kitten heel slingback (or slides) but in funky colours like red, pink, or blue. Just to have options when I want to dress up a little.
Bags
I am slowly getting back into bags, but I realize that my
tastes and my needs have changed in this department. I don’t need large
tote bags anymore because I’m not schlepping to the office every day. And high-end
designer “status” bags don’t feel right for my current lifestyle, where my outings
are limited to running errands and visiting with friends. I’m keeping my old
collection for my daughter, but I don’t think I’ll be adding to it again.
Re-focus: I’m loving small purses – crossbody bags and bucket bags especially – in all colours. I’m mostly looking at lower end designer brands (MbMJ, Coach, Dooney, Ralph Lauren, Tignanello) where I can get decent quality without the “prestige” mark-up, even if it means buying older or vintage styles.
If you’ve experienced a similar lifestyle change in the past, how did you navigate it, style-wise? Tips and reccs are welcomed as always.
