I don’t know about you, but I spent my Christmas holidays being extremely productive: I binge-watched every Jane Austen adaptation I could get my hands eyes on. I mean, that’s not all I did for 2 weeks, but that was one of the highlights. (On the off-chance that my family ever ends up reading my blog: hi, I also had fun hanging out with you.) At the end of that journey, I was naturally left with one question: which Austen hero is the best partner material?

You know me, friends: always asking the important questions.

And let me tell you.

No, really, allow me to tell you the answer … that is, my answers.

If you want to play along at home, here are the ground rules. To make it manageable, choices were preemptively limited to characters from the following adaptations: Pride and Prejudice (1995 mini series and 2005 movie), Sense and Sensibility (1995 movie and 2008 mini series), Emma (1996 movies [yes, there are 2], 2009 mini series, and 2020 movie), Persuasion (1995 movie, 2007 mini series), Mansfield Park (1999 movie), and Northanger Abbey (2008 movie). I made my decisions taking into account (a) the character’s personality as portrayed in each particular adaptation, without regard to its faithfulness to book canon; (b) a hypothetical scenario in which Present Day Adina is somehow transported back to 1815 and required to conform her expectations, as best as she can, to Regency era norms.

The eligible bachelors:

It’s a stacked line-up and, at first glance, picking one (and only one) option was hard. I have a lot of favourites, ok? If you are a woman of a certain age (cough, late Gen X who came of age in the mid- to late-90s, cough), Austen heroes are a part of the rock-bed of your romantic landscape. I mean, Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy alone launched a thousand and one impossible expectations, not to mention an entire multi-media cottage industry. Add in the fact that Austen adaptations have, thankfully, been very plentiful in the last 30 years, and the problem is compounded; for each hero, you have various flavours to choose from. I decided to tackle the question in 2 parts, then sort of collate the results and see who ended up on top. So to speak, ahem. And you know what? I ended up surprising myself. Which is a fun thing to do in your 40s – makes life a little bit more exciting.

Part One involved making a shortlist based on physical appeal alone. This entire exercise is subjective, of course, but perhaps no part more subjective than this. Don’t be mad at me if you disagree with my picks, which were (in no particular order):

That left me with the following protagonists to assess on personality and other individual considerations: Mr. Darcy (1995 and 2005), Edward Ferrars (2008), Col. Brandon (1995), Mr. Knightley (2010), Edmund Bertram, Henry Tilney, and Captain Wentworth (2009). In my deliberations, I kept in mind the totally unscientific but absolutely legit Black Cat, Golden Retriever Theory of Happy Marriage. For those of you who don’t meme, the idea is that, in every successful romantic relationship, there is one partner who is a black cat (introverted, quiet, emotionally reserved) and one partner who is a golden retriever (friendly, energetic, demonstratively affectionate). I, myself, am a black cat. Ergo, my ideal partner would be someone with golden retriever vibes. [Coincidentally, or rather not, my husband is a textbook golden retriever.]

So let’s break it all down.

• Mr. Darcy (1995): nice house, but too uptight. TOTAL black cat. As a teenager, I was obsessed with Firth’s Darcy, but I also had absolutely zero experience with marriage, obviously. Middle-aged me finds the prospect of day-to-day Darcy rather hard work, to be honest. Maybe, over a few decades, that man could learn to lighten up a bit more, but there’s no guarantee.

• Mr. Darcy (2005): even nicer house (that statue room, OMFG!), but a bit too emo for me. Also black cat-coded. I do think this Darcy would make a cozier husband. Like, I can imagine couch-potatoing in my sweatpants around him, or whatever the 1800s equivalent might have been, if you catch my drift.

• Edward Ferrars (2008): not quite as much of a wet blanket as the 1995 version, but still kind of reserved. On the other hand, he is really hot, especially while chopping wood (NOT a euphemism!) and I do have a weakness for hot, nerdy guys who can handle big tools (also not a euphemism). On the third hand, I can’t decide if the vibes are black cat or golden retriever, which doesn’t help. Ultimately, it does come down to this: can you see me as a vicar’s wife? I think not. Sorry, Edward.

• Col. Brandon (1995): devoted, loyal, mature, but also? Kinda has a lot of emotional baggage. I am very torn about this. I also realize that a good deal of Col. Brandon’s appeal (for me) boils down to Alan Rickman and Alan Rickman’s voice. It seems like an unfair advantage to allow that to sway the outcome here.

• Mr. Knightley (2010): rich and down-to-earth? Caring, considerate, thoughtful? And he has a sense of humour? And he gets along with my family and is willing to put up with their neuroses to make me happy? I don’t want to spoil the rest of this race, but you can probably tell where I am going with this.

• Edmund Bertram: how can I put this delicately? Edmund is a stone cold fox. Who also happens to be a bit of a stick-in-the-mud goody two shoes, but nobody’s perfect. That being said, the 1999 adaptation tones down book Edmund’s uptightness and his tendency to take Fanny for granted, and dials up the hints of repressed passion lurking beneath his reserved demeanor. (It’s a sexier movie than you remember, trust me.) However, at the end of the day, Edmund is ALSO a vicar and if we’re disqualifying Edward on that basis, we have to be consistent. Especially since I’m not convinced that Edmund is the type to swing an axe or know his way around a house DIY project.

• Henry Tilney: finally, a hero with undeniable golden retriever vibes. Charming, extroverted, kind, likes to tease affectionately, thinks he has superior taste in music/books/whatever … sounds familiar, actually. Out of all Austen men, Henry is probably the one most similar in temperament to my husband, which obviously counts for something in this game. But! And who would have seen this coming? He’s yet ANOTHER clergyman. Sigh.

• Captain Wentworth (2009): if you had asked me a month ago, this would have been my pick for the best Austen husband material. Loyal, hard-working, successful but not arrogant about it, and capable of writing a letter than people are still swooning over 200 years later? Sign. Me. Up. Ok, he’s also a bit grumpy and a champion grudge-holder, but, well, so is my husband if you catch him on a bad day. All that being said, here’s what hit me after watching the 1995 adaptation, which doesn’t gloss over this bit as much as the 2007 mini-series: this dude is career navy. He will almost certainly be going back to sea at some point. And I am even less a navy wife than I am a vicar’s wife.

So, yeah, listen: I’d marry Jonny Lee Miller’s Mr. Knightley.

In. A. Freaking. Heartbeat.

I am not opposed to a May-Decemberish pairing, though JLM didn’t seem that old anyway – says she, with her middle-aged woman goggles on. The 2010 mini-series serves up my favourite version of the Emma-Knightley relationship, downplaying its paternalistic overtones, and highlighting their friendship. Knightley clearly sees Emma as an equal, though he frequently disagrees with her (and she with him) and is not afraid to tell her so (ditto). They banter and tease each other, and their whole dynamic has the cozy, lived-in feel of close friendship. They like each other as people first, and it’s fun to watch their growing realization that they like each other in that way too. They are comfortable around each other, enough to share their candid thoughts and opinions and be their true, imperfect selves, and that’s something I’d rate highly in a marriage partner. Enemies-to-lovers (aka the Lizzie/Darcy dynamic) is one of my favourite romantic tropes to read/watch, but when it comes to real life, I much prefer the friends-to-lovers route to romance.

The irony here is that, out of all Austen heroines, Emma is my least favourite. The only thing we have in common is that we both love books, staying close to home … and George Knightley, OBVI.

OK, your turn!

Details: Gap turtleneck & shirt, Abound jacket, Ralph Lauren skirt, Fossil belt, Laredo boots, Coach bag (all secondhand)

Thoughts: I loved the subtle pattern mixing – the turtleneck is black with thin brown stripes – and the colour palette. This wash of denim is a perfect pairing for black & brown. Instead of my usual over-the-knee boots, I tried this mini skirt with my beloved kiltie lace-ups … and I didn’t hate it. At all. In fact, I’m a big fan. It stirred up memories of 1995 – Empire Records, anyone? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, fellow gen Xers, but that movie turns 30 this year. Which is strange, because 1995 was only, like, 18 years ago … surely?

Details: Nomi turtleneck, Levi’s jacket, Atlantic Pacific x Halogen skirt, BR belt, Laredo boots (all secondhand)

Thoughts: I call this pretty princess meets pretty goth. Sometimes you just want to go about your business looking like a cupcake in combat boots. And by “business” I mean thrifting, of course. We are at that stage of winter when I avoid leaving the house at all costs unless I’m on my way to (a) a thrift store, (b) a library, or (c) both of the above. I also see my friends, sometimes. Luckily, I hang with a bunch of lovely hermit introverts just like me, so when winter rolls around, we mostly just text each other memes and random heart emojis.

Details: J. Crew shirt, Free People sweater, Club Monaco skirt, Browns shoes (all thrifted)

Thoughts: It’s the little bow tie thingie that makes the outfit, isn’t it? Watch me put a bow on everything from now on. No, you think I’m joking, but I’m not. The number of bow tie listings I’m currently watching on Poshmark: not zero. I can’t be more specific because I don’t want to start a panic 😉

Details: H&M shirt, Tabi vest, Ralph Lauren jacket, Babaton pants, Fossil belt, Ferragamo shoes (all secondhand)

Thoughts: Sometimes I feel like a princess, sometimes I feel like your grandpa. Isn’t self-expression a wonderful thing? You know what the drill is here: layers, textures, layers, subtle patterns, layers. I’m in a weird place with pants right now, where I don’t love some of the older silhouettes I have – like this kick flare cords – anymore, but I am not sure what direction I want to go now. I like straight leg jeans a lot, but regular pants are harder to figure out. Well, I know what I want, actually: more pants like my vintage white Liz Claiborne chinos. But good luck trying to find that. I need alternatives … which have not manifested yet 🙁

Details: Babaton turtleneck, Jones NY cardigan, Ricki’s skirt, vintage belt, Browns shoes (all thrifted)

Thoughts: Speaking of classics, any Practical Magic fans out here? Because I definitely feel like this outfit is an (unintentional) homage. I’m obsessed with – you’ll never guess – the colours and textures of these pieces, the cardigan and skirt especially. Both vintage, natch. I paid FIFTEEN whole dollars (but they were Canadian so, like, $3.50 USD) for this cardigan because I love the cottage-witch vibe of it all.

Details: Pendleton tee, Limited cardigan, BDG jeans, Fossil belt (all thrifted)

Thoughts: This tee-cardigan combo is pure *chef’s kiss*. The jeans were a no-brainer for that 70s boho vibe. Not much else to say here, except that the pattern on the Pendleton tee (Chief Joseph) is the same one on the blanket I thrifted last year. I like that little bit of symmetry from the universe-slash-thrift-gods.

Details: Babaton turtleneck, United Colours of Benetton sweater, unlabelled skirt, Suzy Shier coat, Ricki’s bag (all thrifted)

Thoughts: Nothing fancy here – in fact, I debated posting this outfit at all. I feel like it looked really cute in real life, but I’m not sure it looks that way in photos. With a lot of stuff I’m wearing these days, the beauty is in details that are hard to capture in a still image; the movement, the texture, the feel of the pieces.

Another year, another season of thrift. My commitment to the secondhand life is long-standing, and hardly needs reaffirmation, but it’s nice to start a new chapter with clear intentions, isn’t it? The Memoir That Probably Never Will Be is basically my ode to secondhand and the ways in which it has changed my life. Sounds hyperbolic, but I assure you it isn’t. Here is an excerpt from the last draft of the MtPNWB, which represents one of my attempts to articulate the life-changing magic of thrifting:

At its core, a treasure hunt isn’t about consumption; nor is it about an object. It’s about a process of discovery, a way of looking at the world. When people say that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, it’s usually in reference to the subjectivity of value-making, which is, of course, an idea so obvious as to be trite. But what if we looked at it, not as theory, but as praxis? To me, it speaks directly to what I find most meaningful and satisfying about treasure hunting: the practice of looking for beauty in humble places and in small moments, guided by the compass of my own values. It calls for a curious mind which is, itself, a kind of practice, a way of engaging with the world: mindfulness married to openness to learning. Rick Rubin wrote that “[l]iving in discovery is at all times preferable to living through assumptions,” and I think about that at least once a week. To live in discovery: I can’t think of a more joyful way to live.

This might seem like an odd way to start what is intended to be a practical discussion, but I think this is a good time to re-establish the table stakes. It was discouraging to witness, once again, the social media spectacle around the consumption-fest bookended by Black Friday and Boxing Day. I would like to think that it’s a reflection of corporate desperation to buck up a system that is going off the rails, rather than actual human behaviour, but who knows. I can only do my part, and that includes sharing my perspective, in both actions and words. Actions do speak for themselves, of course, and they’re often a more effective form of persuasion even if the impact takes longer to be felt. But words have their magic too. So I’m saying the quiet part out loud today.

Ok, but this post promised you a list, and a list you shall have.

Now, I think you know me well enough to know that I wouldn’t dream of telling you what clothing to buy. Personal style is personal. Trends are suggestions, not mandates. My list today is about something else: finding value at the thrift store. Of course, value is also subjective, so what you’re getting is pure opinion. Proceed accordingly 😉

Leather Jackets

Leather jackets are both trendy and classic. That is to say, styles of leather jackets cycle in and out of popularity; as a concept, leather jackets never really go away. If your climate permits, a leather jacket can be a fabulous outerwear option. They can be dressed up and down and are wonderful in juxtaposition (whether against other materials and textures, or an opposing aesthetic). Secondhand leather offers many advantages. Environmentally, the most sustainable materials are those already in circulation, and this is particularly true with leather. Even with ever-increasing thrift prices these days, secondhand leather jackets cost a fraction of retail. Why pay $500+ when you can pay $50 or less? And styles tend to be recycled with minimal innovation between trend cycles, which means that the 20-year old version of today’s trendy jacket is going to be quite similar. Plus, it has the added cachet of being “vintage”, which is everyone’s favourite buzzword at the moment.

The main thing to watch out for when it comes to thrifting leather jacket is smell. More people smoked in the 80s and 90s, and their leather jackets have probably been hanging in a closet, unaired, for years. While perhaps not impossible, getting cigarette smells out of leather is a hassle I recommend avoiding if you can. Personally, I also avoid buying suede jackets that have water or other stains on them because the rehab process looks rather more involved than I want to attempt. Absent those complications, cleaning leather jackets is fairly straightforward. I wipe the leather down with a moist towel (or brush with a suede brush, if applicable), then steam clean the interior lining and spray it liberally with vodka.* Between those two, most germs and smells are eradicated.

Wool and Cashmere

Good quality wool and cashmere is hard to come by these days. So many items advertised as such are, in fact, made from blends that almost inevitably include polyester or acrylic. I am not categorically against polyester, but I don’t like it in knit garments like sweaters. It doesn’t insulate as well, it traps odours more, and it doesn’t wear as well as natural fibers. Polyester and acrylic knits gets pilly easily and can’t be rehabilitated by a sweater shaver as well as wool.

Wool and cashmere is, of course, much cheaper to buy at the thrifts than retail, and still relatively easy to find. Vintage sweaters often come in fun patterns, which means they can be unique statement pieces. I also love stocking up on “basics” like merino wool turtlenecks, which are great for layering.

Belts

If, like me, you consider belts a key outfit-making accessory, head to the thrifts. You will find a much more varied, and better-made, selection there than at the mall. Fun colours, funky buckles, interesting styles and designs. Most of the time, they will be leather as well – and under $10. The only downside is that a lot of vintage women’s belts tend to fit small. Men’s belts can be a good alternative when it comes to basic styles and neutral colours.

Men’s Shirts

I love men’s shirts. You can instantly change up the vibe of a basic jeans-and-tee outfit by substituting a men’s shirt, without losing any comfort. Vintage ones, especially, are great; they’re usually made from lovely, thick cotton that has a nice drape. I tend to buy them oversized because that gives me a lot of styling options. Wear them open, buttoned up, tied at the waist, even wrapped. So many possibilities! You can also cut them up into dickies; perfect layering pieces when you want to add a pop of collar to an outfit without having to deal with the extra bulk of sleeves or shirt-fronts.

Good quality men’s dress shirts are hella expensive, but the thrift stores are filled with them, often in like-new condition, for under $20 a piece. Vintage Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger are my favourite, because I love the cotton they used in the 90s and early 2000s. Always check the inside of the collar and armpits for signs of wear.

Jeans

Across pretty much every metric, jeans are some the most resource-intensive items of clothing to be produced. Given how much denim the fashion industry pumps out every year, I shudder to think about the environmental impact. I can think of no other single category of clothing that is as over-represented in thrift stores as jeans. There are plenty of secondhand jeans to satisfy demand, across a wider spectrum of sizes than is available for other clothing, and no shortages of styles – enough to satisfy the next half dozen trend cycles, I’m sure. For the most part, there is no need to buy new jeans. And that’s my goal. One less new pair of jeans means 3,781 fewer litres of water used up. It all adds up.

_{*Cheap vodka works fine. We’re going for the alcohol content, not the taste. In fact, rubbing alcohol is just as effective (or, in fact, more so given its higher concentration). However, vodka is typically considered to be gentler on fabrics and less likely to cause damage or discoloration. Some people mix essential oils, like lavender, into their vodka spray but I don’t bother.}