So, this is 40.

To say that this wasn’t how I envisioned my 40th birthday to pass is, well, an understatement. But then again, 2020 took all of us by surprise. At the beginning of the year, it looked like I would be spending some time on self-introspection, thinking about what this milestone represents and how I feel about it. I even had the inklings of a little mid-life crisis hatching. Scratch that. Since March, my entire mental and emotional bandwidth has been devoted to adapting to and managing the impacts of the pandemic – at work, at home, and in my personal relationships. I have no energy to spare on thinking about what turning 40 means. All I know is that I am awfully lucky to have all my loved ones close to me and safe, to have financial security, to be healthy. From that perspective, I’ve made it. This is as good as 40 gets.

I am not yet ready to look ahead of me. The immediate future is still filled with so much uncertainty and anxiety; beyond that, I still need to think about what the next 30 or 40 years of my life looks like. In some ways, 40 does feel like a frontier of sorts. Growing up, it was the outer boundary for all my personal life plans; I knew what my life up to 40 was supposed to look like, what the milestones would be. The ages of 15 to 40 are well-depicted in our popular culture so they feel, well, familiar even as you are living them. I suppose after 65 or so, things again come into focus – retirement and/or grandparenthood are also common enough themes in popular culture. But the period between 40 and 65, for a woman especially, is like … a sort of black box. Obviously, those of us who work, continue to work; those of us who have kids, continue to parent. Relationship status changes or stays the same. But what does life look like, day to day? What are the goals that fuel the forward movement? For me, that remains to be decided.

So instead of looking forward, let’s look back. And because this blog is, after all, meant to be frivolous, let’s kick it back to the last decade and some important style questions.

Favourite brands
2000: Gap (LOL!)
2010: Diane von Furstenberg, BCBG, Anthropologie
2020: Dries van Noten, Issey Miyake, Rick Owens, Marni

Aspirational brands
2000: Coach (although this was more mid-2000s)
2010: Marc Jacobs, Chanel, Louis Vuitton
2020: Iris van Herpen

Favourite accessory
2000: shoes
2010: bags
2020: jewelry

Favourite colour/print to wear
2000: aqua/stripes (probably)
2010: purple/florals
2020: black/rainbow

Favourite places to shop
2000: Forever 21, H&M
2010: Winners (TJ Maxx), consignment
2020: thrift, consignment

Favourite silhouette
2000: low-rise jeans (sigh)
2010: pencil skirts & sheath dresses
2020: potato sack dresses; midi/maxi lengths everything

Favourite styling tip
2000: Hah!
2010: colour blocking/clashing
2020: layering

Favourite style icon
2000: I can’t remember – maybe Claire Danes?
2010: Audrey Hepburn
2020: Tilda Swinton

Favourite Splurge
2000: Something from the Gap, I am sure
2010: Louis Vuitton bag
2020: Issey Miyake dress

So much has changed, yet much … actually, no. Almost nothing has stayed the same. It’s as if, I dunno, I was a whole different person. Isn’t that funny? Day to day, I never feel like I’m changing. Even now, if you were to ask me if I feel as if I’ve changed over the past decade, I would hesitate. But when I start listing stuff like this, it’s so easy to see how much has changed. And if my sartorial preferences have changed so much, I can only assume the same is true in other areas as well.

Where am I going to be at 50? Stay tuned.

14 Comments on A Brief Retrospective At 40

  1. Happy birthday!

    I know what you mean about the pandemic taking over everything. I turned 35 a few months ago. I kept ricocheting between thinking that I felt like I hadn’t accomplished much of anything I wanted to – or that the things I had accomplished didn’t mean much – and thinking that as someone who graduated in 2007, staying continuously employed for the last thirteen years *was* my accomplishment. I feel like I grew up with a certain set of expectations about success and my mind hasn’t really caught up to the continuous pile up of catastrophes that stand in the way of those expectations – economic, environmental, epidemiological. I am trying to stay grateful.

    • Same. I feel like I’ve accomplished the mundane goals I had but not necessarily the big dreams (published author, hah!) But at the same time, those mundane goals make for a wonderful life and I am so fortunate.

  2. I want to play, though I’m 32, so I was 12 in 2000.

    Favourite brands
    2000: the Kohl’s house brand for juniors professional wear
    2010: hahahaha you think I have money for clothes. I think I thrifted two things and bought a dress from a street vendor? I’ll give Gap credit here because it was the winner of my 20s.
    2020: Boden, J Crew, still some Gap/Banana

    Aspirational brands
    2000: bebe and Charlotte Russe
    2010: Banana Republic
    2020: Theory, Boden’s more expensive stuff, Athlete

    Favourite accessory
    2000: J Lo cap
    2010: scarves
    2020: 90s mini backpack

    Favourite colour/print to wear
    2000: green/ abstract floral
    2010: jewel tones, all solid
    2020: mustard, coral, sage; stripes!!!!

    Favourite places to shop
    2000: I think I basically only knew about Kohl’s and Target
    2010: Buffalo Exchange
    2020: eBay, Buy Nothing, my sister’s closet, Boden, J Crew

    Favourite silhouette
    2000: bell bottom jeans and a button up
    2010: straight up east coast with a wool coat
    2020: pandemic wear: shorts with a flare plus a tee

    Favourite styling tip
    2000: wear a cute hat
    2010: look, I can wear a scarf like European people
    2020: one color, two to three shades

    Favourite style icon
    2000: Julia stiles
    2010: Keira Knightley
    2020: you, wardrobe oxygen

    Favourite Splurge
    2000: Square neck gap tee
    2010: silk secondhand target collab
    2020: linen shorts from J Crew

  4. Happy birthday!!! I’m 36 but I always think of myself as older in advance so I am already feeling late 30’s which is just a stone’s throw from 40. What you said about that gap between 40-65 is SO TRUE and it ticks me off to be honest because we all need women to look up to and I think it’s a flaw of our society to not showcase women’s lives in that time. So way to go for challenging that a bit (I appreciate it and this space you carve out) and have a wonderful year ahead!

    • I suppose in some ways it’s liberating – there is no “script” so maybe less pressure to conform to specific expectations. We shall find out!

  5. 40-65 involves a lot of change! In some fields it’s peak career, in others it’s early obsolescence and retirement or a career shift. It’s also empty nest, getting to know your spouse again, and planning retirement.

  6. Happiest of birthdays to you! It’s been such a treat to see you evolve both style-wise and personally. And I agree, Iris van Herpen is goals. Each piece is a work of art.