My 40s have been my most chaotic decade ever: the highest highs and lowest lows and most of it unexpected. In my 30s, I worked hard and channeled all of my energy outward; in my 40s, I’ve worked just as hard, but channeled most of my energy inward — which is the reason why I am able to say that, even with all the ups and downs, successes and setbacks, I am more grounded and content than I have ever been. Perhaps my favourite discovery lately has been how easily emotional maturity can sit alongside childlike joy. I feel the most competent and well-adjusted I’ve ever been, and also the most energized and youthful.

Someone on IG expressed surprise when I posted a story about feeling young; they misunderstood my comments to mean a youthful appearance, and thought that seemed at odds with my general vibe. They were wrong, but also kinda right. I am not intentionally trying to look young, though it may end up seeming that way as an indirect result of other things I am pursuing (indulging my nostalgia by rediscovering 90s and 00s fashion, embracing fitness, etc.). I have no interest in “dressing my age”, which people often equate with a desire to appear younger. In my case, it means that I’m not interested in dressing like any age, because I think age is an irrelevant metric for pretty much anything at this stage of my life.

When I say that I want to feel young, what I’m really talking about is two things. One, I want to feel ageless, that is to say, not defined by my age. (Hence, why I’m embracing fitness. I need my body to keep up with the mind’s program.) Two, I want to feel the excitement, wonder, curiosity, and joy that I felt as a child — when the world seemed filled with wonder and possibility and cool sh*t to explore. I’ve now got some maturity under my belt to balance out my decision-making, but it’s that youthful zing that gets me out of bed every morning, excited to discover what the day holds.

Anyway, I’m 46 now.

Which sounds like a weird number, tbh. But I’ve always had funny feelings about numbers in general.

I got three four presents for my birthday and they all feel very emblematic of the Me of Now. Let’s take a look!

Gucci Rush Perfume

As is our tradition, my dad’s present was a perfume. Rush is one that I’ve been trying to get for a while: another one of my 00s faves, it still goes hard twenty years later. I believe it was recently discontinued, but we were able to find a bottle without too much difficulty. As soon as I sprayed it, I was in heaven. I may have to try to stock up before this becomes as rare and HTF as my beloved Gucci Envy.

Vintage Coach Bag

I love the color and shape of this vintage-ish Coach bag (late 00s or early 10s, I think); it makes a great addition to my Coach collection. These days, I don’t buy bags very often — and designer bags never — except the odd Coach one that tickles my nostalgic fancy. I feel like their simple, classic designs suit my (varied) aesthetic the best, and the quality is unmatched for the price. The secondhand market for older Coach bags is exploding, but there are still some good bargains to be found if you’re patient.

Vintage Liverpool FC Jersey

Football is another one of my nostalgic obsessions. Though I am locked in with the 2026/2027 season (La Liga and Premier League), my heart still belongs to my 2000s faves. Perhaps none more so than Fernando Torres, one of the decade’s best strikers. His career trajectory was a bit of a shooting star, but from about 2006 to 2010, he was incredibly exciting to watch. (On and off the pitch, ahem.) I have a list of dream football jerseys I’d like to own, and several of his are on the list. This one is not at the top of the list, but it’s close; Torres’ Liverpool stint was his prime, and this long-sleeved red jersey was absolutely iconic — then, and now.

Girl Gang Time

My best friend lives in Montreal now, and we don’t get to see each other often. Traveling has its challenges for both of us, for different reasons. For me, money’s no object but I hate flying (and don’t like being away from my family). For her, flying’s no problem, but she’s on a graduate student budget. A few months ago, my husband had a brilliant idea: we would buy her a ticket to fly out and come stay with us for a week. Challenges solved! We chose the week that coincided with both of our birthdays — two Leos, imagine that! — and we had the most wonderful time. My daughter joined us on some of our adventures around town (she loves all the same things we do: thrifting, books, ramen & boba) and we made the best girl gang. And the best memories.

It was the best birthday present of all.

It was a Dickens of a week again. A couple of days ago, our car ended up getting wrecked in one of the storms that seemed to have become the Edmonton norm this summer. We’d been lucky to escape unscathed so far, but our luck ran out. Because of that, we’ve had to postponed our planned trip to BC (which was already on the line because of wildfires over there). On the brighter side, my bestie arrived for a visit this week and we’ve been making the most of our time together. Her birthday was on Wednesday and mine is on Saturday — it’s Leo season, baby!

I’m turning 46 but going into it with renewed excitement and energy. I have a bunch of personal passion projects on the go that I’m super pumped about, and they are making me so excited for what comes next. It’s a feeling that reminds me of childhood, when the world seemed full of nothing but possibility and fun. Except, now, I’m the adult in the room and I can indulge all my passions and pursue my dreams without worrying about other people’s rules and expectations. That’s the key bit that I want to hold on to as I enter this next chapter/year: the joy of doing things purely because they make me happy, and sharing that joy with others without asking for permission, approval, or validation.

The downside of losing our planned vacation is that my vacation reading list is probably going to languish for a bit. I do want to get through it, but it may take me longer than a week now. Because … the upside of a staycation is that I’ll get more time to write! I’m hoping to power through the last half of my current WIP and finish it before I have to go back to work. I need to get this story down on paper, ASAP, so I can get it out of my head and make room for other things, haha! I am absolutely obsessed with it at the moment, and I get ridiculously excited every chance I sit down to work on it, because I get to discover a little bit more of the story and characters. My new number one goal for 2027 is to bring out this book series — I can’t wait to share it with y’all.

My other new goal is to brush up on my Spanish. It’s been 25+ years since I practiced it consistently, and I’m beyond rusty at this point. But now that I’ve picked up football as a hobby (again), and Atletico Madrid as my Cinderella team, it seems like a good opportunity to work on getting back to a better proficiency. I don’t expect to become fully fluent or anything — though anything’s possible! — but it would be great to be able to follow the news and commentary on my team in Spanish.

I’m still trying to figure out my exact plans for my birthday, but I’m not too fussed about the specifics; with my family and bestie around, I know it will be fun no matter what. The hardest part is going to be picking my birthday outfit 🙂 I’ve been experimenting with a slightly different vibe lately, which has also been fun, so I have almost too many options to choose from. I’m not complaining though. It’s a good problem to have.

Have a great weekend!

I was a casual watcher of the 2026 World Cup. Before that, the last time I spent any significant amount of time thinking about football was probably 2010. My husband and I were on our honeymoon in Mexico that July, and I still vividly remember us watching some of the televised WC games at our resort, with a mixed audience of people from all over the world. I don’t think we watched the final there – though, funnily enough, Spain won that year too.

This time around, I did get sucked into the online popular discourse around the World Cup, especially towards the end. The Haaland/Bellingham cuts were fun and cute, and once I watched a few, my IG algorithm decided that I needed to be served football content 24/7. Eventually, I ended up going down several rabbit holes, the most enjoyable of which was revisiting the highlights of 2000s football (my fave era, along with the 90s). But, as promised, this is not a post about my old football crushes or other nostalgic memories from my football fan days. This World Cup and the discourse it generated (or indirectly pushed to my attention via social media) gave me the opportunity to reflect on some broader ideas.

Because I’ve not been plugged into the football world for 16+ years, I hadn’t realized that Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi – players I remember from back in the day – are (a) still playing, and (b) still dominating a lot of the discourse. The GOAT debate is so silly to me; “the best” is a fundamentally subjective determination, so I fail to see the point of trying to achieve universal consensus. But I saw a clip of an interview with a Mexican player who was asked about it, and his response gave me a lot of food for thought.

To paraphrase, he basically said that Messi and Ronaldo represent two stories, and your answer to the question “who’s the GOAT” will depend on which story resonates the most with you. Messi represents the story of a natural prodigy, someone born with a generational talent that automatically gives him an edge over his peers. That’s not to say that Messi didn’t have to work hard, or that he would have achieved the same accomplishments without effort and dedication. On the other side, Ronaldo represents the story of success through discipline, determination, and drive. Again, that’s not to say that Ronaldo wasn’t naturally talented to begin with – only that what set him apart from other great players, in the end, was his commitment to discipline and single-minded focus. And his confidence in his own ability to succeed thanks to that discipline and focus.

There is something to admire in both stories, and which one resonates more is, ultimately, a very personal thing. My first “a ha” moment was realizing that the Ronaldo story is what speaks to me the most. And that’s because discipline and commitment is what has helped me achieve my own ambitions in life and, as such, it is what I value the most. [Of course, I am not comparing myself to football superstars, lol!]

My second “a ha” moment was realizing that this subtext is (at least in part) why Ronaldo is such a polarizing figure. He is often called arrogant for what, to me, seems to be the fact that he is not shy about talking about his success and the source of that success (his belief in himself and his work ethic). But is that arrogance? I don’t think anyone disputes the underlying truth of Ronaldo’s statements; his achievements are incontestable, as is his dedication and work ethic. Yet, him openly acknowledging those things rubs some people the wrong way.

I have sympathy for Ronaldo because, in my experience, society is slow to recognize or applause discipline. Natural talent is sexier, more awe-inspiring — perhaps easier to accept too, because it looks so much like random chance and luck. Discipline, on the other hand, can feel like something anyone can master. As such, it’s easier to discount and overlook. At the same time, it can provoke more complicated feelings, including resentment. In reality, discipline is bloody hard — and watching someone make it look easy can be triggering, for lack of a better word. So, I get why Ronaldo going on about his amazing discipline can grate on people’s nerves. On the flip side, I can also understand being frustrated with a lack of recognition at the difficulty of maintaining an insane level of disciplines for decades straight. If no one else is talking about it, you start talking about it.

Is that arrogance? I’ll let you decide for yourself. [No sarcasm intended, btw.]

Now, personally, I appreciate someone like Ronaldo talking about these things. Because it’s an example to young people as to the life-changing value of self-confidence backed by discipline. Confidence alone doesn’t get results. But to persevere and maintain strict discipline – year in, year out, no matter the setbacks along the way – you need to believe in yourself. No one will ever believe in you more than you can. That belief is what carries a person through the heartbreak of disappointed hopes. And even the greatest of all time, in whatever field, will experience that heartbreak at some point.

To return to the World Cup now … I had another ‘a ha’ moment that ties into both the above conversation and the final game. And that was the realization that, for me, greatness comes with responsibility. The more talent, success, money, or fame you have, the greater the responsibility to be gracious and generous in your interactions with others. Not that I am here to advocate for the feudal system or anything, but there is something to be said for the concept of “noblesse oblige.” If you are one of life’s favourites, there should never be a situation where, if someone goes low with you, you don’t still go high. Going high when someone goes low is an acknowledgment of (existing) superior privilege.

[And, no, I don’t believe that this idea – always go high when others go low – invariably applies. *cough* modern politics *cough*.]

Watching Messi’s performance in the World Cup final, especially his attempt to have Cucurella sent off with a red card for touching his mouth for a split second (which, frankly, looked like he was blowing a kiss), dropped Messi a few notches in my estimation. For Messi – an undisputed legend, GOAT contender, etc. – to pull a move like that on a player nowhere near his level was the antithesis of grace. I’ve seen some people excuse Messi’s behaviour on the basis that this was a high-pressure, difficult game, where tensions were running high. I don’t buy that excuse. As far as I’m concerned, how someone acts under pressure tells you more about their character than how they act when things are going their way. Pressure reveals the weaknesses that already exist, rather than creating them.

Nobody’s perfect, of course; in stressful situations, I’ve done things that didn’t reflect the standards I set for myself. So, I’m not going to say that Messi is a terrible person or anything like that. But his performance at this game did knock some of the shine off his reputation, at least for me. [It also seems worth pointing out that, to date, he has not expressed any regret for the Cucurella thing, which suggests that, with the benefit of his own hindsight as well as the public reception of the incident, he stands by his actions.]

These were all good learning/teaching moments that I was able to share with my kids, and get a conversation going, and also to use for self-reflection. Especially the part about grace (under pressure or otherwise). The older I get, and the more fortunate/privileged my circumstances become, the more important it feels for me to live up to certain standards in my interactions with others, especially those who are less privileged.