My 40s have been my most chaotic decade ever: the highest highs and lowest lows and most of it unexpected. In my 30s, I worked hard and channeled all of my energy outward; in my 40s, I’ve worked just as hard, but channeled most of my energy inward — which is the reason why I am able to say that, even with all the ups and downs, successes and setbacks, I am more grounded and content than I have ever been. Perhaps my favourite discovery lately has been how easily emotional maturity can sit alongside childlike joy. I feel the most competent and well-adjusted I’ve ever been, and also the most energized and youthful.
Someone on IG expressed surprise when I posted a story about feeling young; they misunderstood my comments to mean a youthful appearance, and thought that seemed at odds with my general vibe. They were wrong, but also kinda right. I am not intentionally trying to look young, though it may end up seeming that way as an indirect result of other things I am pursuing (indulging my nostalgia by rediscovering 90s and 00s fashion, embracing fitness, etc.). I have no interest in “dressing my age”, which people often equate with a desire to appear younger. In my case, it means that I’m not interested in dressing like any age, because I think age is an irrelevant metric for pretty much anything at this stage of my life.
When I say that I want to feel young, what I’m really talking about is two things. One, I want to feel ageless, that is to say, not defined by my age. (Hence, why I’m embracing fitness. I need my body to keep up with the mind’s program.) Two, I want to feel the excitement, wonder, curiosity, and joy that I felt as a child — when the world seemed filled with wonder and possibility and cool sh*t to explore. I’ve now got some maturity under my belt to balance out my decision-making, but it’s that youthful zing that gets me out of bed every morning, excited to discover what the day holds.
Anyway, I’m 46 now.
Which sounds like a weird number, tbh. But I’ve always had funny feelings about numbers in general.
I got three four presents for my birthday and they all feel very emblematic of the Me of Now. Let’s take a look!
Gucci Rush Perfume
As is our tradition, my dad’s present was a perfume. Rush is one that I’ve been trying to get for a while: another one of my 00s faves, it still goes hard twenty years later. I believe it was recently discontinued, but we were able to find a bottle without too much difficulty. As soon as I sprayed it, I was in heaven. I may have to try to stock up before this becomes as rare and HTF as my beloved Gucci Envy.
Vintage Coach Bag
I love the color and shape of this vintage-ish Coach bag (late 00s or early 10s, I think); it makes a great addition to my Coach collection. These days, I don’t buy bags very often — and designer bags never — except the odd Coach one that tickles my nostalgic fancy. I feel like their simple, classic designs suit my (varied) aesthetic the best, and the quality is unmatched for the price. The secondhand market for older Coach bags is exploding, but there are still some good bargains to be found if you’re patient.
Vintage Liverpool FC Jersey
Football is another one of my nostalgic obsessions. Though I am locked in with the 2026/2027 season (La Liga and Premier League), my heart still belongs to my 2000s faves. Perhaps none more so than Fernando Torres, one of the decade’s best strikers. His career trajectory was a bit of a shooting star, but from about 2006 to 2010, he was incredibly exciting to watch. (On and off the pitch, ahem.) I have a list of dream football jerseys I’d like to own, and several of his are on the list. This one is not at the top of the list, but it’s close; Torres’ Liverpool stint was his prime, and this long-sleeved red jersey was absolutely iconic — then, and now.
Girl Gang Time
My best friend lives in Montreal now, and we don’t get to see each other often. Traveling has its challenges for both of us, for different reasons. For me, money’s no object but I hate flying (and don’t like being away from my family). For her, flying’s no problem, but she’s on a graduate student budget. A few months ago, my husband had a brilliant idea: we would buy her a ticket to fly out and come stay with us for a week. Challenges solved! We chose the week that coincided with both of our birthdays — two Leos, imagine that! — and we had the most wonderful time. My daughter joined us on some of our adventures around town (she loves all the same things we do: thrifting, books, ramen & boba) and we made the best girl gang. And the best memories.
It was the best birthday present of all.