If you’ve been reading this blog for more than a minute, then you’re probably familiar with my on-going struggle to properly, and fully, define my style. It feels like I’ve been at it for approximately eleventy million years, but maybe it was only two. Regardless, it has been going on way too long. As a result, while I love most of the individual pieces in my closet, I am vaguely dissatisfied with my wardrobe as a whole. And, still, too many of my outfits – which are, honestly, perfectly fine – end up making me feel like I’m missing my mark, sartorially speaking.
I was scrolling through Instagram recently I came across a picture on my “discover” page that made my heart leap. It was this one, courtesy of the official Oak & Fort account:
This is basically my dream outfit, here and now. It is a little on the too-casual side for my office, but its vibe could easily be adaptable to suit my pretty lenient dress code.
Gosh, I love it so much.
The muted, soft colours. The textures. The slouchiness that looks polished, not sloppy, somehow. The lines.
Love.
The problem … and you can probably guess where this is going … the problem is that only about, hmmm, 40% of my wardrobe falls in line with this style, whatever you want to call it. (Scandi minimalism?) The rest reflects my old style preferences – more feminine, fitted, bold. And they are pieces that I still love in an objective sense; they are perfectly lovely. Hence, my dilemma: what do I do?
There is a part of me who says: clear out everything that doesn’t work anymore, and start with a clean slate. I mean, I would still have more than enough clothes to get dressed for day-to-day, while in the process of adding new pieces to suit my current aesthetic. Lately, I have been getting better about sticking to that approach with new purchases anyway. And yet … there is a really strong, almost visceral, inner resistance to this idea.
Which I find really interesting, to be honest – especially now that it has dawned on me that maybe my reaction isn’t necessarily tied to the clothes themselves. Maybe what I am resisting is not the letting go of clothes, but of some previous version of myself. I mean, you can call that an epiphany.
(It makes sense, though. Clothes have been a huge aspect of my self-expression for almost a decade now.)
The last few years have been full of changes and upheavals. I think it’s hard to pinpoint a moment of “rebirth” as it is happening (change is a constant process), but perhaps this is one. I always thought moments like that would/should feel sort of … triumphant, I guess. So why does it all feel so uncertain right now? Why is it so hard to let go of things which used to bring me so much joy, but don’t as much now? It’s almost as if I don’t trust myself in this moment to know what I really want. What if I change my mind? What if I will regret giving up all these clothes I invested so much time in finding in the first place?
As I ponder what to do next, I would love to hear from you: have you gone through a big style shift, and if so, how did you manage the process?
I’ve faced similar dilemmas in my style journey. Currently, I’ve just accepted that some days I want to portray one character and other days I want to embody a completely different set of characteristics. This means that not all of my wardrobe is mixable with other pieces – OR that I have to be REALLY creative in my mixing.
Funny you should say that … I *just*read something on Reddit that might be a game changer and it’s along similar lines. More posts to come …
I have noticed and admired your style evolution since I started reading this blog, and I find myself in a similar place. My aesthetic has changed considerably and yet I can’t seem to let go of certain pieces that hold sentimental value. Right now I’ve been wearing a very limited “color” palette and my closet is currently a sea of black, charcoal grey, and black and white patterned garments. I still love my colorful dresses and bold vintage items, and have simply moved them to a different area for now. It still brings me joy to look at them and I’m not ready to give them up. I live in a rural area where it is extremely difficult to come by “nice” clothing secondhand so it has taken lots of time and effort to build my wardrobe. My dress size has also changed over the years so I like to hang onto items a little bigger or smaller just in case. I fully realize my privilege in having a house with multiple closets up for grabs! I wish you luck with your sartorial upheaval and hope that you come to a decision you’re happy with!
I think your approach is one that might help ease the transition, but in the long run I have to decide if collecting clothes purely as objets d’art is something I want to do. If I didn’t aleeady have so many other collecting hobbies, haha!
I think this is a great idea and might help ease the transition. You don’t have to “get rid” of your clothes, but just put them aside for now. Then you can gradually see if you miss them, or if you are ok letting them go. I’ve done something similar. Good luck!
This is a strange anecdote, but go with it:
In college, I rode the bus between where my classes were located and where I lived, it was probably 20 to 30 minutes each way. I was eavesdropping (this was pre-iPhones, pre-podcasts, dinosaurs roamed the earth) and the bus driver was talking to a regular passenger. The passenger was talking about how she wanted a tattoo or a new hair cut or a new hair color, SOMETHING needed to change. The bus driver was like, “Well, maybe you need to investigate what’s inside that you want to change before you do anything drastic.”
This wasn’t directed at me, but whenever I feel a stirring about wanting to change SOMETHING, I think about what I really want to change.
I think that is a great perspective! In my case, I feel like the change inside has/is happening, but I somehow holding myself back from embracing it outwardly? Does that make sense? I feel like there is this disconnect somewhere but I also feel like I’m on the verge of braking through it, and one of my obstacles is my closet. I just have a hard time letting go of the past. Always have.
Adina,
I have had a passion for fashion for at least 5 years. After reading your post on style conflict I identified with that feeling of vague dissatisfaction of my wardrobe and style. I find myself purchasing clothes that I appreciate on other girls yet not completely enamored with on myself. But if I could I would wear a long, light brown cotton dress with dainty flowers, low leather boots, a kerchief and white bonnet. LOL I know…maybe a past-life! All kidding aside, I have to take into account something “The Accidental Icon” said and it goes something like this…leave yourself open and take a risk then reinvent yourself the way you want.
I like that! Thanks for the inspo 🙂
I’m wondering the same thing!! I have a vision of chic that I just don’t own!
On the practical side, I have found boxing up the clothes I don’t wear and putting them in the basement helps. I’m not getting rid of them, just making more room in my closet. Usually I visit them once a year and clean out a few. Eventually I hope they will all be gone, slowly. But if I need them, they are in the basement. I also have realized if I don’t see them daily I forget about them. Then when I open the basement boxes I wonder why I kept that item, easier to get rid of.
You’re right and I have been doing that too, on a low-key basis for years. I think it’s time to ramp it up and really get to decluttering my actual closet. I have been keeping things in there with the idea that if I saw them then I would be more likely to wear them but … yeah, no.
Hi Adina! Combing mentally through the typical arsenal that books on minimalism/decluttering/other forms of material transition have on offer, what are your thoughts on the packing up, storing out of sight, and revisiting method (applied to the bulk of items you feel no longer represent your inner self)? I have tried it on a more ad-hoc scale, a few items or a box here and there, as a way to ease or trick myself into ‘trying on’ a lifestyle transformation. It feels like a test run, hence comes with less pressure, and it also helps avoid any actual ‘oh sh*t’ moments about having decluttered something(s) meaningful. Or at least pile those hard decluttering decisions onto your future self, ha! 🙂 I have actually sprinted to a storage box to retrieve something my new self was not ready to part with, but very rarely.
Keep all the pieces you love. You will end up wanting to go back to tailored pieces. I’m in the same Scandinavia slouch aesthetic right now with leather pieces added but now I’m leaning back towards tighter fitted items…
And I used to be all about the colours and prints but now my choices are more minimal
I’ve been finding myself undergoing a style shift as well. For ages (since I was 18!) I’ve preferred dresses and skirts to shorts and pants. I’m hourglass and dresses were always easier to fit and flatter. Pants were always too small in the hips/butt and too large in the waist, and shorts were ALWAYS to tight in my thighs. But now, I find myself reaching for my pants/jeans/etc, both for work and on weekends. I’m leaning toward a more streamlined aesthetic and prefer solid, neutral tops and bottoms that I can mix and match. I have a closet full of beautiful dresses and now I feel guilty that I rarely reach for them now!
I could have written this entire comment. Hello, are you me? No, but seriously – I totally feel ya.
ditto!
I keep everything because just when I think I’ll never wear something again, I see it works combined into a new outfit with things I’ve bought it in the meantime. Just get rid of what never really fit right or is too worn out, and put the rest in a holding area until you want it again.
I don’t know why you have to put some sort of definition on your “style”. What’s wrong with just wearing what you like and getting rid of the stuff that doesn’t really suit you? I’m in my very late 40s and what you wear is constantly shifting. Through your tastes, your life situation, your mood, trends, your monetary power etc etc. Style doesn’t need to defined just the fact if you are happy with what you are wearing and the way it makes you feel.
I do it because it helps me identify what I should buy. I know it sounds humble-braggy but I can wear a lot of different things and look fine. I also like the look of many things that I actually don’t enjoy wearing. So when it comes to shopping, unless I have a very clear idea of what style I am aiming for, I can end up with a closet bursting at the seams. Which I have/had.
Fundamentally, I also consider clothers a form of self-expression. Not having a good grasp on my style feels, to me, like not knowing how to answer the question: who am I. I know that this is a very individual thing, and that clothes are a much more straightforward/functional proposition for many people. I guess this is a discussion for others who are like me 🙂
I’d say hold onto to the stuff you really love, especially if it would be hard to find again/replace! I think your style (and/or lifestyle) might shift somewhat in the future and you may want some of those other pieces. From what you’ve shown here, you have lots of beautiful pieces 🙂
I sometimes have trouble giving stuff up, but I usually ask myself, do I actually wear this? And do I feel comfortable when I do? I have a tendency to hold on to things because even if they’re not perfect, I feel like it’s worth saving on the expense to avoid having to buy something else.
I currently feel uncertain about my style too. After being very into fashion for a number of years, I’ve gotten a little tired of it lately and seem to gravitate to very comfortable basics. I hope that my passion is sparked again!
Definitely purge what you don’t absolutely love. Then, pack up everything you want to keep but doesn’t fit in your current aesthetic. Chances are, when you think to go back to the box, you won’t like it as much as you once did. I went through this same overhaul and almost chuckled when I went back through what I had tucked away.
Yeah, this is what I have been doing. I put everything downstairs and then every few months, I have a look and weed stuff out. There have been very very few cases where something made its way back to my actual closet. I just need to ease myself into purging, haha!
Yeah, this is what I have been doing. I put everything downstairs and then every few months, I have a look and weed stuff out. There have been very very few cases where something made its way back to my actual closet. I just need to ease myself into purging, haha!