I didn’t intend to drop off the face of the earth last month but life knocked me sideways and, well, it happened. My mother passed away at the end of April after a short and terrible battle with pancreatic cancer. It is still unfathomable to me that she was fine 3 months ago, then she suddenly wasn’t, and then she was gone. She was at the centre of my world. I am left trying to make sense of it all, and of the world without her.

I have no desire to write about that part of my life here, but at the same time, my mom is a part of everything I am, so it seemed impossible not to acknowledge what happened in some way. Grief is a journey I have only started, but I know that I am already someone different than I was.

I am not ready yet, but I hope that I will be back to writing here again soon.

36 Comments on Life Lately

  1. Condolences, Adina.

    I know that loss during COVID involves even more anguish and stress than normal because we’ve spent to much time unable to see our loved ones, missing moments and everyone is feeling pretty emotionally fatigued. So I’m sorry, times a million that not only you lost her, but that you lost her while the world was already pretty upside-down.

    Perhaps, later, if or when you’re ready, you could write about what your Mum taught you about fashion, art, family and how she made you into the person you are. I know you don’t wish to grieve publicly about her death, but it may feel a little more right to write openly about her life and her impact on you.

    • Thank you. Yes, the last year depleted me mentally and emotionally (as it has done to everyone) and this knocked me completed off my feet. I suppose there is never a good time to lose a parent, but it feels especially cruel now. We lost a year to COVID and she will never have the chance to make it up. She was only 66.

      In time, perhaps I will write more. Once I am able to write again, rather than having the grief write for me – you know?

  2. I am so sorry, Adina. What a terrible loss. I hope that your memories of her are a comfort during this difficult time.

  5. My sincere condolences on your loss, Alina. I wish you and your family healing and love during this challenging time.

  7. I am so sorry for your loss. 66 is so young, and pancreatic cancer is the worst.

  9. You have my deepest sympathy. My mother died after a very brief bout of pneumonia in January. But she was 97, and she had lived with me for the last four years, so in a sense we avoided the worst punishment of COVID – the lack of time together. I cannot begin to imagine how you must feel, the hole in your life. Take your time, take care of yourself.

  10. I’m so sorry for your loss– I’ll be thinking about you and yours in the coming months.

  11. Alina,

    I am so sorry for your loss. There are not enough words to provide solace. Sending prayers and good thoughts to you and your family.

  12. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. And thank you for choosing to share your personal experience with your readers. I have also lost a family member to Pancreatic cancer, and know first hand how swiftly this disease can take a life.

    My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family during this difficult time.

  13. I’m so sorry to hear this Adina. It’s always difficult to lose someone but doubly so when we are all so isolated and it must be more of a shock as she was so young.

    My mum died of Covid last year and the grieving has been very hard, but I think of her every day and these days the memories make me smile more than cry.

    Be gentle with yourself.

  15. I am so sorry for your loss, incredibly heartbreaking, especially the timing. I have been worried about you – thank you for the update.

  16. My heart goes out to you. Losing a parent is so incredibly hard #sucks. Memories and her spirit which lives on – I hope that gives you comfort.

  17. I am so sorry for your loss and sending lots of good thoughts your way. I lost a family member suddenly to illness last year – he was fine and a month later he was gone. My wedding was canceled due to COVID and it hurts that, if it had gone ahead as it should have, he would have been there. The grief is all-consuming and terrible but does, over time, move further into the background. Take care and be gentle with yourself.

  19. I am very sorry for your loss. She was so young and to lose her now, after the difficult last year, must have been especially hard. I wish you comfort and peace.

  21. Absolutely heartbreaking and cruel on many levels. If you find talking about her helpful I’d love to hear about her and what made her “her.”

  22. My deepest condolences to you and your family. So sorry for your loss – it’s really hard. The way that you’ve shared some of her jewelry on Instagram is so powerful and honors your connection to your mom. Hold on to those threads, they will be your strength.

  23. The worst loss of my life so far, losing my mom to cancer. It took a long time to find who I was without her. Her love lives on though, I find comfort in that. Peace to you and her loved ones….

  25. I’m so sorry to hear about your terrible loss. Take all the time you need. Sending good thoughts.

  26. Hi Adina, I’m so sorry. I had cancer during this year and while my experience doesn’t correspond to the loss of your mom, I am so sympathetic to the terrible twists and turns it takes. Sending a big hug and all the time you need.

  27. I’m so sorry to hear this. My mother died at 56 due to cancer and it continues to affect me in surprising ways. Grief is a rollercoaster, so give yourself the grace and space to feel whatever you feel that day.

  29. I am so so sorry, Adina. Losing a parent is hard. Losing them very suddenly is even harder. You and your family are in my thoughts.

  30. So Sorry for your loss – I have missed your posts but certainly understand. Our moms are the most important women in the world. Memories help and time heals us but our mom’s never leave us.

  32. I have been following your blog for a long time. What a tough situation to go through. I’m so sorry 😔

  34. I am so terribly sorry to hear this. I wish you peace and healing and strength from your memories of your mom.