This and That: Birthday Edition

The prospect of another birthday brings many feels with it. First and foremost, I am grateful. Grateful to be here, grateful to be healthy, grateful for family and friends and this whole wonderful life. There is also a note of uncertainty. My 40s have been an unpredictable rollercoaster ride; I have no idea what comes next, and if I’ve learned anything these past 3 years, it’s to not strive to try to predict what comes next, but remain open and curious (and brave). So we grapple with uncertainty and not let it get us down.

And finally, yeah, not gonna lie: I’m excited for the opportunity to indulge myself.

I am not especially strict with myself the rest of the year (hah!) but a birthday is the socially-sanctioned occasion for selfish splurging. Right? Right.

Selfish but not senseless, though. There is something really satisfying about choosing your indulgences carefully. In this, as in every other area of life, value is personal and subjective. For example, I don’t enjoy birthday parties. In principle, I like the idea of being the center of attention at a social gathering; in practice, not so much. I always end up worrying if people are having fun, which quickly spirals into wondering whether they like me, which eventually leads to me staying up till 3 AM to ponder every single verbal and non-verbal interaction to decipher whether I said or did something that could be perceived as offensive, weird, or both. No, thank you.

I also don’t enjoy celebratory dinners at fancy restaurants. I do not have a fancy palate; my idea of a special occasion meal is eating sushi and/or steak and mashed potatoes until I am slightly uncomfortable and then going straight to the couch to have a lie down. Bonus points if I have a good book in my hands and nobody bothers me for the next hour.

For reasons I won’t bore you with, birthday spa days and birthday trips are also not my jam. I could go on, but why. What I’m getting at is simply this: one of the perks of getting older is achieving the freedom to embrace your own quirks without worrying about what other people will make of them. It’s those quirks that make us who we are, and that’s what I want to be celebrating on my birthday.

My indulgences tend to be material things … but, specifically, material things wrapped in an experience. So, for example, a trip to a (used) bookstore to buy a book (or three), rather than being handed the same book in a gift-wrapped package. The experience of being in the store, browsing the shelves, stumbling on some book I never knew I wanted … that’s equally as important as the book(s) I end up taking home. Lately, another favourite thing is antique shopping with my husband; I love finding an inexpensive, overlooked gem, but the part where we drive together to some random part of the city is the real special bit – it’s a chance for us to be alone together for an hour and it feels like a mini road-trip adventure. Especially if we stop at McDonalds for a large Diet Coke on the way. That’s extra level.

What I love about material things wrapped in experiences is that the things become tangible memories. I can look around my house and be surrounded by my happy memories. I find that very comforting.

It so happens that this year we’ll be going to Calgary for a long weekend around the time of my son’s birthday (and just before mine). Family trips epitomize the concept of compromise, so we’ll be doing lots of things I don’t enjoy (but someone else in the family does, like going to the zoo), but also plenty that I love. In no particular order:

• the first hour and a half of the road-trip before the approved song playlist ends and the inevitable “are we there yets” begin. That sense of optimism and adventure should be bottled.
• stopping at the Donut Mill on Gasoline Alley. I don’t like donuts that much, but nothing tastes as good as going through the motions of something you’ve done for 30 years. It carries a “rightness” that is unparalleled.
• taking the kids to Fair’s Fair Books and letting them loose with $30 to spend to their heart’s content. Mostly so I can buy my husband and myself an hour’s quiet browsing (am I being too optimistic? probably … a mother can dream).
• stopping in at Cody & Sioux to look at pretty turquoise jewelry that my husband can “surprise” me with for my birthday. This is my version of being a kid in a candy store, but I plan to touch EVERYthing.
• a pilgrimage to the Polo Ralph Lauren outlet store in CrossIron Mills, which is the closest I’ll get to experiencing Papa Ralph’s spirit in person. I’m not sure I’m going to buy anything; I just want to imbibe the atmosphere, as it were.

It’s all wonderfully indulgent and, apart from the fact I’ll be away from my bed for a few nights, a pretty kickass (early) birthday. They do say to start the year as you mean to go on …