What I Watched: Austen’s Men

I don’t know about you, but I spent my Christmas holidays being extremely productive: I binge-watched every Jane Austen adaptation I could get my hands eyes on. I mean, that’s not all I did for 2 weeks, but that was one of the highlights. (On the off-chance that my family ever ends up reading my blog: hi, I also had fun hanging out with you.) At the end of that journey, I was naturally left with one question: which Austen hero is the best partner material?

You know me, friends: always asking the important questions.

And let me tell you.

No, really, allow me to tell you the answer … that is, my answers.

If you want to play along at home, here are the ground rules. To make it manageable, choices were preemptively limited to characters from the following adaptations: Pride and Prejudice (1995 mini series and 2005 movie), Sense and Sensibility (1995 movie and 2008 mini series), Emma (1996 movies [yes, there are 2], 2009 mini series, and 2020 movie), Persuasion (1995 movie, 2007 mini series), Mansfield Park (1999 movie), and Northanger Abbey (2008 movie). I made my decisions taking into account (a) the character’s personality as portrayed in each particular adaptation, without regard to its faithfulness to book canon; (b) a hypothetical scenario in which Present Day Adina is somehow transported back to 1815 and required to conform her expectations, as best as she can, to Regency era norms.

The eligible bachelors:

It’s a stacked line-up and, at first glance, picking one (and only one) option was hard. I have a lot of favourites, ok? If you are a woman of a certain age (cough, late Gen X who came of age in the mid- to late-90s, cough), Austen heroes are a part of the rock-bed of your romantic landscape. I mean, Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy alone launched a thousand and one impossible expectations, not to mention an entire multi-media cottage industry. Add in the fact that Austen adaptations have, thankfully, been very plentiful in the last 30 years, and the problem is compounded; for each hero, you have various flavours to choose from. I decided to tackle the question in 2 parts, then sort of collate the results and see who ended up on top. So to speak, ahem. And you know what? I ended up surprising myself. Which is a fun thing to do in your 40s – makes life a little bit more exciting.

Part One involved making a shortlist based on physical appeal alone. This entire exercise is subjective, of course, but perhaps no part more subjective than this. Don’t be mad at me if you disagree with my picks, which were (in no particular order):

That left me with the following protagonists to assess on personality and other individual considerations: Mr. Darcy (1995 and 2005), Edward Ferrars (2008), Col. Brandon (1995), Mr. Knightley (2010), Edmund Bertram, Henry Tilney, and Captain Wentworth (2009). In my deliberations, I kept in mind the totally unscientific but absolutely legit Black Cat, Golden Retriever Theory of Happy Marriage. For those of you who don’t meme, the idea is that, in every successful romantic relationship, there is one partner who is a black cat (introverted, quiet, emotionally reserved) and one partner who is a golden retriever (friendly, energetic, demonstratively affectionate). I, myself, am a black cat. Ergo, my ideal partner would be someone with golden retriever vibes. [Coincidentally, or rather not, my husband is a textbook golden retriever.]

So let’s break it all down.

• Mr. Darcy (1995): nice house, but too uptight. TOTAL black cat. As a teenager, I was obsessed with Firth’s Darcy, but I also had absolutely zero experience with marriage, obviously. Middle-aged me finds the prospect of day-to-day Darcy rather hard work, to be honest. Maybe, over a few decades, that man could learn to lighten up a bit more, but there’s no guarantee.

• Mr. Darcy (2005): even nicer house (that statue room, OMFG!), but a bit too emo for me. Also black cat-coded. I do think this Darcy would make a cozier husband. Like, I can imagine couch-potatoing in my sweatpants around him, or whatever the 1800s equivalent might have been, if you catch my drift.

• Edward Ferrars (2008): not quite as much of a wet blanket as the 1995 version, but still kind of reserved. On the other hand, he is really hot, especially while chopping wood (NOT a euphemism!) and I do have a weakness for hot, nerdy guys who can handle big tools (also not a euphemism). On the third hand, I can’t decide if the vibes are black cat or golden retriever, which doesn’t help. Ultimately, it does come down to this: can you see me as a vicar’s wife? I think not. Sorry, Edward.

• Col. Brandon (1995): devoted, loyal, mature, but also? Kinda has a lot of emotional baggage. I am very torn about this. I also realize that a good deal of Col. Brandon’s appeal (for me) boils down to Alan Rickman and Alan Rickman’s voice. It seems like an unfair advantage to allow that to sway the outcome here.

• Mr. Knightley (2010): rich and down-to-earth? Caring, considerate, thoughtful? And he has a sense of humour? And he gets along with my family and is willing to put up with their neuroses to make me happy? I don’t want to spoil the rest of this race, but you can probably tell where I am going with this.

• Edmund Bertram: how can I put this delicately? Edmund is a stone cold fox. Who also happens to be a bit of a stick-in-the-mud goody two shoes, but nobody’s perfect. That being said, the 1999 adaptation tones down book Edmund’s uptightness and his tendency to take Fanny for granted, and dials up the hints of repressed passion lurking beneath his reserved demeanor. (It’s a sexier movie than you remember, trust me.) However, at the end of the day, Edmund is ALSO a vicar and if we’re disqualifying Edward on that basis, we have to be consistent. Especially since I’m not convinced that Edmund is the type to swing an axe or know his way around a house DIY project.

• Henry Tilney: finally, a hero with undeniable golden retriever vibes. Charming, extroverted, kind, likes to tease affectionately, thinks he has superior taste in music/books/whatever … sounds familiar, actually. Out of all Austen men, Henry is probably the one most similar in temperament to my husband, which obviously counts for something in this game. But! And who would have seen this coming? He’s yet ANOTHER clergyman. Sigh.

• Captain Wentworth (2009): if you had asked me a month ago, this would have been my pick for the best Austen husband material. Loyal, hard-working, successful but not arrogant about it, and capable of writing a letter than people are still swooning over 200 years later? Sign. Me. Up. Ok, he’s also a bit grumpy and a champion grudge-holder, but, well, so is my husband if you catch him on a bad day. All that being said, here’s what hit me after watching the 1995 adaptation, which doesn’t gloss over this bit as much as the 2007 mini-series: this dude is career navy. He will almost certainly be going back to sea at some point. And I am even less a navy wife than I am a vicar’s wife.

So, yeah, listen: I’d marry Jonny Lee Miller’s Mr. Knightley.

In. A. Freaking. Heartbeat.

I am not opposed to a May-Decemberish pairing, though JLM didn’t seem that old anyway – says she, with her middle-aged woman goggles on. The 2010 mini-series serves up my favourite version of the Emma-Knightley relationship, downplaying its paternalistic overtones, and highlighting their friendship. Knightley clearly sees Emma as an equal, though he frequently disagrees with her (and she with him) and is not afraid to tell her so (ditto). They banter and tease each other, and their whole dynamic has the cozy, lived-in feel of close friendship. They like each other as people first, and it’s fun to watch their growing realization that they like each other in that way too. They are comfortable around each other, enough to share their candid thoughts and opinions and be their true, imperfect selves, and that’s something I’d rate highly in a marriage partner. Enemies-to-lovers (aka the Lizzie/Darcy dynamic) is one of my favourite romantic tropes to read/watch, but when it comes to real life, I much prefer the friends-to-lovers route to romance.

The irony here is that, out of all Austen heroines, Emma is my least favourite. The only thing we have in common is that we both love books, staying close to home … and George Knightley, OBVI.

OK, your turn!