The Lessons of the Perfect Day

Here’s something that may surprise you, given the tenor of my recent posts: I hate self-help books. I think it’s an industry rife with problematic people and problematic advice, and wading through the crap to get to the useful or interesting nuggets it’s worth my time. [And that’s not a judgment on anyone who feels it’s worth their time.] If something comes across my path that seems interesting, I may take a closer look at it, but I don’t go out of my way to find it, if that makes sense. As a matter of principle, I am skeptical of most self-improvement “hacks”. If they’re not a thinly disguised device for selling some product/service or other, they’re often some combination of self-evident, trite, or vague/generalized to the point of being inactionable.

But there is one exercise I have found immeasurably useful to my personal growth. I hesitate to call it a self-improvement exercise. It’s more about self-discovery than anything else. If you are someone who is currently engaged in finding their purpose, I highly recommend it.

It’s the “perfect day” exercise. And it’s exactly what it sounds.

Imagine your perfect day: what does it look like?

In doing the exercise, set aside all constraints and limitations as to what might be realistic or achievable. Shut out external noise, turn inward, and listen. Do not rush yourself to an answer. It may take a while for a clear picture to emerge. It’s okay if it emerges in bits and pieces. The key thing is for the picture to be yours.

And watch for the “shoulds”. “Shoulds” are almost always someone else’s voice in your head; an internalized cultural/societal dictum. Interrogate them fiercely before you let them anywhere near your perfect day. Personally, I’ve tossed most of the shoulds in my life out of the window. Time’s too precious to waste on things I should do. There are enough things I need to do (practical necessities) and things I want to do (purpose and joy) to fill a lifetime.

It was my experience that the “perfect day” I eventually settled upon looked nothing like the version that, in the past, I probably would have imagined. [The ‘past’ being that part of my life when I was still very much in thrall to “shoulds.”] In one sense, my perfect day was, for lack of a better word, very modest. Quiet. No big thrills, no fancy stuff. It was filled with small pleasures. In another sense, it was very audacious. First, because it was modest – when our society’s motto is “go big or go home.” Second, because it was predicated on experiences that, for the most part, would be considered unproductive within the capitalist paradigm that defines modern existence. Unmonetized creativity, leisure, human connection: these are things capitalism has no use for. Choosing them, in my perfect day, felt like a radical act – a very small one, to be sure, but radical all the same.

You might be wondering what my perfect day actually involved and waiting for me to tell you. I am not going to. Not only because it’s a deeply private and personal thing, but because it doesn’t matter. Not to you. Not even, at a certain level, to me. The goal of the perfect day exercise isn’t to come up with the ideal To Do list or schedule. It is to reveal, to yourself, the things that give life its purpose and meaning – for you.

I wouldn’t get hung up on the specific activities that you end up including in your perfect day. To me, those activities are merely stand-ins for the values or ideals that define the locus of purpose or meaning in one’s life. Look at your perfect day and ask: what are the common themes or threads here? Follow those threads, and you will eventually get to the definition of your purpose.

One way to architect your best life is to take your “perfect day” and expand it out. In other words, in a very literal sense, build a life that allows you to live your perfect day, every day. If you are fortunate enough to be able to do that, congratulations! Enjoy being exceptional 😉 If you are not – and, spoiler alert, most of us aren’t, at least not immediately – don’t worry. You don’t need to live the perfect day, every single day, in order to be living your best life. As far as I’m concerned, our best life is the life that makes room for and honours our purpose. Once we know what that purpose is, it becomes much easier to spot the ways and opportunities to incorporate it into our day-to-day life, tiny bit by tiny bit. You might be surprised by how tiny bits can add up! And those tiny bits can be different from the things that you included in your perfect day exercise – and, nevertheless, effective ways to practice your purpose.

From time to time, you might get the chance to actually live a “perfect day”. Seize it! Do it! It’ll feel wonderfully self-affirming … and if it doesn’t, then you’ll know it’s time to revisit the exercise. In fact, I think it’s good practice to repeat the exercise on a regular basis, at least every year or every other year. We grow, we evolve; it’s good to leave room for our purpose to grow and evolve too.

Now, I would love to hear from you: have you ever planned out your “perfect day” and, if so, what did you come away with from the exercise?