I know this will come as a surprise to all of you but I am not, in fact, a 30-something slip of a girl anymore. Hah! I’m kidding. Nobody thinks that and I’ve never been someone who plays coy about her age. I’ll be 44 in August which feels really weird when I think about it (hardly ever) because the older I get, the more ageless I feel — emotionally and mentally, that is. Forty-four sounds like a grown-up age, and I don’t feel like a grown-up. I’m starting to think that “being a grown-up” is part of the Land of Forever Tomorrow. Which is fine. I would hate to feel like I had to know everything, or even just a lot of things, and act responsibly all the time. I guess, to me, “being a grown-up” represents a child’s perspective on adulthood — a kind of omniscient stasis at the top of a development pyramid. Who wants to be stuck there? Not me. But anyway. The hard part about turning 44 isn’t how I feel about it.
It’s how my body feels it.
I’m not talking about the diverse small aches and pains that one seems to accumulate at an increasing rate after 40. Or the ‘hangovers’ one feels the next morning after staying up a little later than usual the night before. At this stage, I’m mostly talking about perimenopause, which came as a big, unwelcome surprise. Traditionally, menopause is something that we’ve been taught to associate with turning, say, 50 or older; when I was growing up, perimenopause wasn’t even really talked about. Until recently, I had no idea that perimenopause could happen as early as late 30s. Now, I know several other women who are around my age and experiencing similar things. Realizing what is happening to us and being able to talk to each other about it has been incredibly helpful. It’s reassuring to know that you’re not imagining things, that something is different — well, lots of things, actually — and that there are reasons outside of your control why you feel so crappy at times. I am lucky to have a family doctor who is willing to have a discussion around perimenopause with me; a lot of health professionals still dismiss women’s experiences if they’re not closer to the age when menopause has been traditionally thought to start.
I mention all of this for 2 reasons. One, if you’re in your 40s and are experiencing any new symptoms that seem out of character and are non-specific in nature (fatigue, brain fog, difficulties sleeping, irritability, among others), you may want to look up information about perimenopause. Two, it provides context for the rest of this post, which is all about changes in habits I’ve been making to try to improve my sense of wellbeing.
I’m a bit of a sloth when it comes to physical activity, so I’m very proud of the biggest change I’ve made, which was to increase my daily movement amount. I work a sedentary job and have mostly sedentary hobbies, and had been doing very little physical exercise in recent years. It’s probably safe to say that I have not been especially fit for a long time, even if I didn’t look it. For many years, my philosophy was “if I can fit into my clothes, I’m good.” But getting older means that I need to start prioritizing fitness (heart health, in particular) over appearance. Prior to the start of the year, I had been doing 30 minutes of light cardio, via a stationary bike, about 3 times a week. It wasn’t much and it was becoming less ideal all the time, as sitting on the bike for prolonged periods was starting to give me lower back pain. In January, I decided to get a walking pad. It was a social media-influenced purchase, but one that proved life-changing in the best way.
I’ve always enjoyed walking, and it’s easy on my joints and back. The walking pad is small and light, and can be easily shoved under the bed when not in use. I can jump on it any time, with little fuss and muss — I don’t even need to get properly dressed, I just need to put my sneakers on. The weather here is unpredictable year round (even the summers can be challenging, due to wildfires among other reasons) so as much as walking outside would be preferable, the walking pad is a much more practical option for me. When I first got it, I made a goal of walking 3 miles a day. This equated to between 5,000 and 6,000 steps a day, or about 45 minutes. I was breaking it down into 2 sessions, and the convenience of it made it really easy to stick to a daily routine. Then, a couple of months ago, I was listening to an episode of Anne Helen Petersen’s podcast Culture Study that discussed sitting and how bad it is for us, and the guest expert mentioned how studies have shown that 5 minutes of movement once per hour (of sitting) are associated with positive health impacts. So I decided to switch up my walking routine and do 5-10 minutes of walking at least every 1.5 hours during the work day, as well as a few extra intervals throughout the rest of the day. I also upped my steps goal, to average 10,000 steps a day every week. Thanks to my walking pad, this was easily feasible. (Actually, I now average 11,000-12,000 steps a day because as soon as I put a number on a target, I become weirdly fixated with going over it.) I can be at my desk, hop on the pad in less than 20 seconds, walk for 5 minutes, and be back at my desk immediately after. I speed walk but, at that length of interval, I don’t usually break a sweat so I don’t need to change in and out of workout clothes constantly. (I do one longer interval every morning before work to get my heart rate up for an extended period.) It’s so convenient!
Now, this is all anecdotal of course, but I have found that my energy level is generally quite a bit higher and much more consistent than it was before I started walking. In particular, I don’t find myself crashing as hard, energy-wise, in the afternoons as I used to do. (Some days it still happens, and I blame my fluctuating hormone levels entirely, whether justifiably or not I don’t care) After the initial adjustment period, I’ve not experienced any aches and pains associated with walking, except occasionally sore feet — it’s very low impact in that sense. I’ve also noticed quite a bit of toning in the lower half of my body; heck, even my husband has commented on it. I don’t weigh myself as I don’t care about that kind of metric, but I do feel sort of lighter in my step … which might have more to do with my overall energy level than weight, tbh. It’s hard to say with a strong degree of certainty whether the physical activity has also had a positive impact on my mental wellbeing, as that is dependent on a lot of factors, but I do tend to think it contributes to a mood-stabilizing effect, at the least.
Another habit I’ve been working on this year is sleep. There has been a noticeable decline in the quality of my sleep in recent years, and it’s something that obviously has a huge impact on my quality of life as a whole. So I’ve been working on improving my sleep hygiene. Bedtime phone scrolling was my worst habit, so I’ve pushed myself to cut it out. It used to be that, once the kids were in bed, I would get into bed myself and do “a little bit” more reading on my phone … which would, almost inevitably, turn into an hour or more of scrolling. Now, I prep myself for bed and do my last bit of screen time before the kids go to bed, which happens between 9 and 9:30 these days. We have a bedtime ritual, left over from when they were little, where both my husband and I (separately) hang out and chat with each kid once they’re in bed. It’s a nice opportunity to do a last debrief of sorts about our days, talk about things we did and things we’re grateful for, etc. (I’m pretty sure my husband and son talk exclusively about NBA rankings during their one-on-one, but to each their own, lol!) Once that’s done, it’s time for me to go to bed as well … and I am not allowed even one, last quick look at my phone. I can usually fall asleep fairly quickly, thanks to my sleep medication, and enforcing that relatively early bedtime means that I can get at least 8 hours of sleep every night. On paper, at least.
Waking up between 2 and 3 AM (and often not being able to fall back asleep for an hour or more) has been one my least favourite things about perimenopause. Even with my anxiety under control, that period of wakefulness is never fun. The sleep medication I have been taking for a while didn’t seem able to address it, so after doing a bit of research, I decided to add an OTC magnesium supplement to my bedtime routine. (Always check with your physician before starting any supplements!) It has helped quite a bit. I would not say that I am consistently sleeping through the night every night, but I am having far fewer wake-ups and of much shorter duration. We love some progress!
It might not seem like much, but the additional physical activity and slightly better sleep have been a tremendous boon to my overall well-being. Perimenopause still sucks — and there are days when I don’t feel great for no apparent reason — but I find myself having more energy and more zest for life on a much more consistent basis. The fact that all of the changes I made to my daily routine were, individually, quite small and easy to implement played a key role in helping the habits stick. With everything else going on, I just don’t feel like I have the bandwidth to tackle the kind of ambitious goals (or things that seem ambitious to me, a sloth-like person) that we tend to think are worthwhile in terms of results. But they good news is that little things can add up! And little things I can do.
