Details: Babaton turtleneck, Topshop dress (both thrifted), Zara shoes (retail)

Thoughts: I really love this dress — the cut is fab and the pattern is fun — and I so wish that the quality was better. Alas, it’s cheap-feeling polyester. Topshop sometimes knocks it out of the park, design-wise, but still skimps on fabrics. That being said, this is my favourite way I’ve worn this dress so far. Layering a black turtleneck under a summer dress is the most basic way to do transitional dressing, but damn if it doesn’t work like a charm here. I bookended the turtleneck with chunky black boots, and threw in some bright green tights for a flash of colour.

Details: Massimo Dutti sweater, Echo scarf, Vince skirt (all secondhand)

Thoughts: I’m a little bit scared about wearing this skirt because I know I am bound to spill on it sooner or later and I am not sure how easy it will be to get stains out of this material … but I also really enjoy wearing it so *shrug*. Here’s hoping I can stay accident-free for as long as possible. I tend to stay away from this type of shiny satin material especially with skirts because some versions have a tendency to cling too much. Not this one, though; it has some weight to it (I was almost certain that it was cupro, but apparently it’s a polyester blend) which makes it hang nicely on the body.

Details: Lord & Taylor cardigan, Paul Smith scarf, UO pants, Gap jacket (all thrifted), Mia shoes (retail)

Thoughts: My fave shoes are back! When I tell you I’m excited, you have no idea. I still love these platform loafers so, so much. I feel like a genius for having chosen a pair with brown soles because this allows me to wear them with black and brown or both. Brilliant! I also feel really good about this pairing of magenta and whiskey brown; it works really well, while the black makes both colours look extra bright and sharp.

Details: Gap sweater, Issey Miyake dress, BCBG jacket, Zara shoes (all thrifted)

Thoughts: It’s an increasingly rare witchy outfit for me. I just haven’t felt drawn to black a lot lately, unless it’s mixed with white. Don’t know why and not gonna analyze it too much. But I wanted to go for something dark to test this new BCBG jacket I thrifted; the curved arms gave me Comme des Garcons vibes, so I wanted the most CdG outfit I could muster from my closet right now. I think this came together nicely. Wearing black these days feels like camouflage to me so I tend to wear it when I don’t want to stand out too much.

Details: InWear sweater, Jil Sander coat, Ralph Lauren skirt (all thrifted)

Thoughts: I could have sworn that I had worn this outfit before, but a quick scan through my IG suggests otherwise. You can’t blame me for thinking it though, because how perfect are these pieces together? Wearing head-to-toe brown brings more joy than black, most of the time these days. I think what I love is the depth and richness you can achieve by layering different shades of brown. Brown might be my beige! You know … the colour people don’t understand why you love, lol!

Details: Babaton turtleneck, Lord & Taylor sweater, H&M pants, Chico’s belt, Elena Wong coat, Modern Vice shoes (all thrifted), Tignanello bag (Poshmark)

Thoughts: My fave sartorial time of year is when I get reunited with my spring/summer coats, like this fun Elena Wong one. Over the years, I have accumulated quite a few lightweight coats and jackets and it’s exciting when the season starts relatively early because it means I have more opportunities to wear them all. For this outfit, I wanted to stick to the colour palette of the coat, so I chose neutrals with yellow as an accent. And you know what … yellow is a fantastic accent colour! Underrated!

Someone I follow on Instagram recently posted an image with a caption that stuck with me:

IT’S OKAY …

To wear old clothes.

To not upgrade your phone.

To buy second-hand items.

To live in a simple home.

It’s okay to live a simple life.

It so happens that I agree with each of these statements – because they reflect my own values and priorities – but that isn’t why the caption lingered in my mind. More than the words themselves, I was drawn to something that I felt the caption alluded to but failed to say out loud.

It’s okay if your life doesn’t look like everyone else’s.

For me, *these* are the magic words. The words that bring me a deep sense of contentment and peace. The words that feel like a deep exhale, a release of tension, worry, and anxiety.

It’s okay if your life doesn’t look like everyone else’s.

The original caption seems appealing (to some of us, at least) because it is validating certain experiences or values that are somewhat outside the norm. But in its specificity, it is missing the point (in my view). The point isn’t to delineate a specific way in which it’s okay to deviate from The Norm. The point is to demolish The Norm as a point of comparison. Better yet, to demolish comparison altogether.

The message need only say: IT’S OKAY.

[I mean, if we want to be extra specific, I guess it should say IT’S OKAY _{as long as it does no harm}]

For me, the last 2 years have been a journey of twinned, sometimes intertwined paths: self-discovery alongside grief; self-discovery through grief. I categorically reject the notion that hardships or loss are allotted to us as means to an end – “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” – but I acknowledge that grief has fundamentally changed both the landscape of my life and the way I perceive it.  

One of the things I’ve reflected on a lot in the last 2 years is the concept of a “rich life”, a term I’m borrowing from the personal finance world even though I am not especially interested in the financial side of it. Your “rich life” isn’t what happens when you have the best that money can buy; it’s what happens when you live exactly as you feel called to live. Picture your ideal day in your mind; your “rich life” is your ideal day, every day. Of course, in a capitalist system, money is inevitably a necessary ingredient to any version of a “rich life” – even if that means nothing more extravagant than sitting on a porch all day, sipping coffee and reading a good book; but the capitalist credo of “more money for the sake of more money” isn’t what a “rich life” is about. A “rich life” is a life lived with intention – as though each day were a full cup that you savour to the very last drop. What the cup is filled with, that’s up to you to decide.

Ramit Sethi writes that “[p]art of creating your Rich Life is the willingness to be unapologetically different.” This is what has been resonating with me a lot lately. Grief was a world-shattering experience for me, but the upside is that it unmoored me – fully, for the first time – from a lot of the “shoulds” that had provided the framework for my life up to that point. Should do this. Should be that. All gone in the blink of an eye. In its place there was suddenly room. Room to look around, to take stock, to decide the “this” and the “that”. And in that process of discovery, I was isolated from the outside world because that’s something else that grief does. But, in this context, “protected” might be a good word too. I made decisions about what kind of life I wanted to live going forward, and I never once asked myself “how does this look to other people, how does it compare to what other people are doing”. I realized later, of course, that many parts of my “rich life” looked very different than The Norm and that realization brought forward another journey, this time of acceptance – and, beyond that, of celebration of being “unapologetically different”.

I want to be careful not to suggest that understanding your “rich life” is only possible through grief. While it was certainly a part of my journey, it wasn’t the key. What’s necessary is the willingness to go inward and find what is meaningful to you, without external judgments or values to distract you. Whatever prompts you or helps you along that path is going to be as unique to you as the destination itself.

IT’S OKAY.

Details: Pilcro sweater, Prairie Trail Goods vest, Cartonnier pants, Rafael Alfandary necklace, J. Crew shoes

Thoughts: This vest is one of the pieces I’m most excited to wear this summer… so excited, in fact, that I couldn’t wait any longer to wear it. So I tried to come up with a cozy way to make it work for the current season. I chose this sweater based on the colours in the quilt pattern, and I am pumped about the combo! The striped pants add a bit of subtle pattern-mixing, plus the colour works better with the palette here than a simple black would have done.

Details: Wilfred sweater, Ports blazer, Ralph Lauren skirt, Nocona belt, Chelsea Crew shoes

Thoughts: This outfit was, once more, inspired by some RL runway looks. This belt-over-sweater-over-skirt formula is making me very happy right now. An outfit in head-to-toe shades of brown is very “RL country” which is my style sweet spot, especially for spring/fall. Do I wish the skirt was a smiiiidge longer? Yes, always. But overall, it’s all good.

Details: Club Monaco turtleneck, Le Chateau vest, Twinset blazer, Banana Republic pants

Thoughts: I was going for a little baroque, a little dandy vibe here, and I think I mostly pulled it off. The pattern mixing works for me, and you know I am a ride-or-die for vest+blazer combos. I’m slightly undecided on whether the turtleneck is a bit too heavy, but I am also not sure if a better alternative was at hand (I don’t think a button down shirt would have worked).

Details: Wilfred sweater & coat, Denim & Supply dress, Ecco boots

Thoughts: When you’ve got a patchwork of patterns … adding one more to the mix is the obvious outfit-making strategy, no? As always, I am relying on a cohesive colour palette to push me into that “YES” territory. I think I made it 😉

Details: Le Lis top, Holding Horses tunic, Topshop skirt, Lena Bernard necklace, Zara shoes

Thoughts: This is very similar to a couple of other outfits I wore; I’m just mixing up the same (or similar) pieces in different ways. If the formula ain’t broken, don’t fix it. Just improvise on the same!

Details: United Colours of Benetton poncho, Frame jeans, Office London shoes

Thoughts: This poncho was not an automatic thrift buy for me, believe it or not. My husband pushed me into getting it, as I was having doubts. He was correct. It’s too strange and wonderful — wonderfully strange! — of a piece to pass up. I don’t normally like overtly-branded clothing, but the colourful lettering here works for me. It’s so fun! Plus, I like the message (cleverly) worked in: tutto va bene (tton). Everything is okay. Some days you need that reminder, you know?