Before we get to, what else, last week’s episode of Game of Thrones, let me just quickly mention the other stuff I’ve been watching lately, which also happens to be the reason why I haven’t had time to read anything. Misfits, baby. Yes, I am almost a decade late to the party, but man, I am glad I have finally found it! I have binge-watched the first 3 seasons — and some episodes more than once — in a little less than 2 weeks, and I am OBSESSED with it. And the soundtrack is so, so good. Once GoT is over, I will probably devote an entire post to trying to convince you to watch the show, if you haven’t already. Fair warning, friends.

One more thing … if, like me, you unabashedly love the song of the summer, Despacito (or even if, on the contrary, you hate it), check out this Vulture article that takes a truly in-depth look at the elements that have contributed to its mad success. I am a philistine when it comes to music theory, but I found this analysis fascinating. Also, as someone who loves Latin music, let me just say that I hope the success of Despacito means that more Spanish-language artists are going to end up on my local radio.

Alright, Games of Thrones. Season 7, episode 6.

INCOMING SPOILERS …

… ALSO, INCOMING RANT WARNING.

The more I think/brood about last week’s episode of GoT, the angrier I get. Let me start off by saying that this rant doesn’t come from a “books are better” place. I love the books, but I have also very much enjoyed the show since it has veered off from the books. But two things. One, I hate when characters act in incredibly stupid ways solely for purposes of advancing a (dubious) plot. Two, I also kinda hate where we’ve suddenly ended up, plot-wise, and where we are being set up to go. It feels a bit like a betrayal of promises made in the books — the ethos of the story more so than the narrative. This must be what being a fanboi feels like; I’ve never been really invested in a fictional world before, so it’s a first for me. And yes, I know how ridiculous this all sounds.

What does it all have to do with the death of the dragon Viserion? Well, it comes back to that whole “dragon has 3 heads” prophecy in the book. Most of us book readers have theories about what that means, but the loose consensus has always centered around the epic prospect of 3 dragon-riders. With one dragon gone, that theory has been shot to hell. Worse, the new alternative, which that really questionable scene at the end of episode 6 seems to be setting up, is just … ugh. Are Dany and Jon, the two Targaryens left standing, possibly going to, um, create the third “head of the dragon”? Because that “but think of the children” foreshadowing sledgehammer sure seem to hit both of them over the head this episode (via Tyrion and Jorah, respectively). I’m starting to think that the show will not be content in shoving Dany and Jon’s relationship down our throats — total lack of any apparent chemistry notwithstanding, I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT TYRION! — without a whole “and baby makes three” twist.

But why do you care, Adina, you may ask. I will point you back to my personal pet theory, namely that Jon is a kinda of Messiah figure. It all fits: humble beginnings, secret august heritage, noble/pure heart, self-sacrificing, etc. Characters like that don’t get to have happy endings; they die so others can have happy endings. Damn, Beric even told Jon as much (foreshadowing sledgehammer strikes again). So unless the show wants to turn into a complete travesty, Dany, Jon and their Targ incest baby will not live happily ever after. But if Jon dies, does the show have the balls to do anything other than put Dany and her progeny on the Iron Throne? I really doubt it. Which makes for a really boring ending when you think about it. Because of course it would be Dany at the end, and 8 seasons’ worth of political machinations will have been for nought.

Now, if the show actually kills all 3 Targaryens before all is said and done (perhaps as fulfillment of another Lord of Light/Azor Ahai myth from the books), then I take all of this back. I just don’t think it will happen.

As an aside, if the Targaryens are out of contention, who do I think should end up on the Iron Throne? I’m still partial to Sansa, and I’m starting to think that this is where Gendry might become useful as something other than a crappy plot device. He is, after all, the last of the Baratheons — bastard, but still. Yeah, I know he had a connection with Arya, but Arya is currently being a brat and I don’t care. A Stark/Baratheon union, finally? With no Targaryen Romeo to swoop in and scupper the plan, why not?

A few other grumbles:
– But seriously, Emilia Clarke and Kit Harington have zero — ZERO!! — chemistry. I feel like I’m losing my marbles every time the show tries to convince me otherwise.
– Let me reiterate what I’ve already said last week: that capture-a-wight plan was the epitome of stupidity. It required not one but two deus ex machina devices to fix its sheer stupidity.
– In the same vein, while I haven’t minded some of the plot-servicing teleportation that’s been going on this season, it seemed really out of control this episode. It’s almost as if the writers had read the Reddit complaints, and said “oh yeah? hold my beer, boo!”
– Poor Benjen. Forever saving his dumb-ass nephews from the consequences of their poorly thought-out plans.
– Poor Gendry. First with the rowing, now with the running. The boy can’t catch a break.
– WTF are Arya and Sansa doing? Where is Bran? I have no idea, and I’m starting to root for Littlefinger again at this point.
– I want a Three’s Company remake featuring Tormund, Brienne, and the Hound roaming the backroads of Westeros. Podrick can babysit all those giant, ginger babies.
– WHY DIDN’T DANY TAKE OUT THE NIGHT KING WITH FIRE?? WHY DIDN’T THE NIGHT KING TAKE OUT DROGON?? WHERE THE HELL DID THEY COME UP WITH THOSE GIANT FREAKING CHAINS?? WHEN DID WIGHTS LEARN HOW TO DEEP DIVE? Listen, I get that an ice zombie dragon is really cool or whatever, but surely there had to have been a less ridiculous way to make that happen.

OK, I’m done. I hate to say this, but I think I’m ready for GoT to go on hiatus. I need a break to forget the increasing ridiculousness of this season. Buuuut, you know where I’ll be come Sunday. So join me in bitching about Episode 6 in the comments, then come back next week for the final wrap-up.