I will be turning 42 this summer. This is my 3rd year of working from home, and the first working part time. I’m slowly realizing that I’ve arrived at a bit of a crossroads in my sartorial life. But, this time, it’s not my aesthetic preferences that are changing – it’s my lifestyle needs.
I am having a harder time grappling with the resulting shift than in the past when changes in my closet where being dictated solely by the evolution of my personal taste. I’m not sure why that is the case; perhaps it’s a reflection of the complicated feelings I have about this stage of my life in general. Somehow, it seems like the pandemic and the loss of my mom accelerated me into a phase that I didn’t expect to enter so soon. It’s not that I feel old, suddenly. It’s just that, after the slow build-up of my 30s, I feel like I have suddenly, unexpectedly, finally, come into my own power as a woman. I can’t explain it very well, but it is a turning inward, finding strength and joy and inspiration within as opposed to outside. It is a good thing, but it is an adjustment and it requires me to figure out a whole new way of being.
But let’s talk practicalities.
I don’t expect that I am ever going to go back to working in an office, certainly not on a full-time basis. In addition, for at least part of the week, I am living the life of an artist/stay at home parent. And last, but certainly not least, my body is starting to change too. Now, admittedly, this is something over which I have some measure of control and, indeed, something I’m working on – eating healthier, trying to increase my activity level. But the reality is that the body I have now is not the body I had at 30, or 35, or even 39. I want to be kind to myself, and dress my body in a way that feels kind to it; dealing with chronic health issues that have worsened slightly over the last few years makes it more important than ever.
I’ve become so good at dressing myself in a certain way, which suited the previous phase of my life, that un-learning is hard. A lot of the outfits I like to wear don’t make as much sense for my current lifestyle. Now, there is always going to be a certain amount of “dressing up” in my life, because that’s how I’m wired, but I need to figure out what that looks like now, as opposed to before. I am always going to be a little “over the top” compared to the average – whatever that is – but the how of it is what I need to get a better handle on.
So, lately, I’ve been working to break down the how. I’m taking my time, observing and getting in tune with my needs, and making mental notes as certain conclusions begin to crystallize. Here are a few of them.
Blazers
I’ve been trying to break up with blazers for 2 years now, with some but not enough success. The reality is that, as much as I don’t feel “dressed” unless I’m wearing (at least) 3 pieces, blazers are not something I ever really want to wear at home even when I’m working. I’ll make exceptions for some – knit ones, or loose/unstructured ones that feel more like housecoats – but most traditional “business suiting” blazers are out. I do love wool blazers as outside coats in spring and fall, but don’t need very many of them because I have other coats I like to wear as well, and those seasons are fairly short-lived in this part of the world.
Re-focus: Because I still love the look of 3 piece outfits, I am looking at other things that might replace blazers in my closet: knit vests and waistcoats, duster-style coats, wraps and ponchos. I wouldn’t say that I am actively looking to buy specific pieces, but when I thrift, I try to orient myself to these types of things as opposed to blazers.
Special Pieces
Okay, this one hurts me a bit. I adore over-the-top pieces: tulle, sequins, the more drama the better. While there will always be room in my closet for these things in small doses, I have to figure out how to infuse drama into my closet in a way that is more wearable for my current lifestyle. Right now, colour and volume seem like the way to go.
Re-focus: Thankfully, voluminous “nap” dresses are still having a moment. I love them. Bold colours and patterns are never in short supply in thrift stores, and they always cheer me up. And I’ve been looking more and more at vintage pieces (mostly 80s and 90s stuff) which can be quite unique and fun but in wearable ways – like funky sweaters for example.
Jeans
This might seem counterintuitive given that my life is more casual these days, but I am having a hard time with jeans (and pants in general, let’s be honest). Primarily, this has to do with my health issues; bloating is a common symptom, which makes jeans a tricky proposition. I hate low rise jeans because they emphasize my long torso in a way that I don’t like, but high rise ones can unexpectedly become uncomfortable if I’m having a bad day … and since bad days can happen out of the blue (fun!), well … you can imagine.
Re-focus: This is highly specific, but ponte knit, side zip culottes are my Holy Grail pants of the moment. I want them in every colour. They’re comfortable (no waistband, stretchy) and can be dressed up or down (and layered under dresses or tunics) so easily. Mid-rise culottes or palazzo pants are also good, as long as the waistband sits lower on my torso and the fabric doesn’t squeeze. And, lastly, leggings. I have been slowly building up my athleisure collection, which I wear around the house in the evenings and on weekends, while gardening, and when going for walks. Leggings are also great for layering. The key is finding ones that are stretchy without being constrictive.
Shoes
I don’t really wear heels anymore, and certainly not anything over 2ish inches. But letting go of my old ones is hard; I’ve been slowing chipping away at my collection of heels, but once I’m down to just the old favourites, I don’t know what I’ll do. Some I know I save for my daughter (think Louboutin, Manolo Blahnik, etc.) because it looks like she will have a larger shoe size like me. But I need to make room for shoes that better suit my current needs, so at some point, I’ll need to sacrifice my nostalgia and just say goodbye to a large chunk of my old collection.
Re-focus: Flats, flats, flats. In the summer, I wear Birkenstocks, slip-on sneakers, or my favourite Ash wedge sneakers almost exclusively. In the winter, flat boots and booties (I recently thrifted a pair of OTK flat-heeled boots and I was ecstatic). I love colourful shoes, however, and would like to replace some of my old, beloved J. Crew colourful pumps with a similar, lower-heeled alternative. Because I do appreciate a little height boost, I would like to find some kitten heels; I know they’re not considered trendy or cool, but IDGAF. My current Holy Grail is a shoe similar to the Manolo Blahnik kitten heel slingback (or slides) but in funky colours like red, pink, or blue. Just to have options when I want to dress up a little.
Bags
I am slowly getting back into bags, but I realize that my tastes and my needs have changed in this department. I don’t need large tote bags anymore because I’m not schlepping to the office every day. And high-end designer “status” bags don’t feel right for my current lifestyle, where my outings are limited to running errands and visiting with friends. I’m keeping my old collection for my daughter, but I don’t think I’ll be adding to it again.
Re-focus: I’m loving small purses – crossbody bags and bucket bags especially – in all colours. I’m mostly looking at lower end designer brands (MbMJ, Coach, Dooney, Ralph Lauren, Tignanello) where I can get decent quality without the “prestige” mark-up, even if it means buying older or vintage styles.
If you’ve experienced a similar lifestyle change in the past, how did you navigate it, style-wise? Tips and reccs are welcomed as always.
Enjoyed this post a lot and can really relate to the changes which you are making, as I’m sure many women can! I too have had a major life change, a move from a cold weather state (Alaska) to a warm weather state (Florida), and a slight weight gain/redistribution of body mass. I made the mistake of purging too much for the move, and got rid of most of my business and dressy items. Consequently, there have been occasions lately that I’ve had to purchase appropriate items! I have tried a couple of things that seem to work for me: I am assembling a small “dressy” capsule wardrobe (handy to pack for cruises!) and a “time out” section (or bin). If I went back to look for an item, I either moved it into my main closet or I replaced it as it represented a need in my wardrobe. Honestly though, I usually end up donating these items after an unspecified time, having given myself some time to fall out of love with them! It is a process, I am trying to appreciate, respect and dress the body I have now!
I don’t believe in fashion rules on the whole but that is one rule/principle I think is important. Appreciate, respect, and dress the body you have now — amen!
I tend to “phase out” nicer items that I’m reluctant to immediately get rid off by listing them for sale. If they sell right away, it was meant to be. If they don’t, I have time to reevaluate if I miss them/want them back. Usually, the answer is no. If they don’t sell after 6 months, I either donate them or put them in my swap pile.
Dear Adina, while I have experienced the “lifestyle transition” you reference here, it was unexpected and untimely, so my wardrobe collection ended up very “unbalanced” shall we say!
While I never approached the transition as analytically as you have here, the results have nonetheless been similar.
I do try to coax myself to put in more of an effort in dressing —occasionally—by asking myself “What would Adina do?!?” (I imagine I am not alone in looking to you for inspiration)
However, here is my thought for you today: thrift the footwear you like, & if they are leather, you can change the colour yourself!
Looks like the process would be the PERFECT match for your artistic talents! And as well as solid colours of your preference, you could create designs (geometrical OR pastoral!) on your unique footwear too!
The supplies are available online (Angelus is a brand I’ve seen): one “deglazes” the leather, then paints it with a new colour (created for this purpose) & then finishes the shoe etc with a gloss!! Would LOVE to see what you would do! 😉
That’s a great point! I’ve been very hesitant to experiment with dyes (clothes or shoes/bags) — for some reason, I find it quite intimidating/scary. Maybe I just need to get over it and go for it.
I enjoyed reading this beautifully written post and you hone in on a state of mind or stage of awareness,,, not sure if I’m describing this right— that I believe many women experience. I suspect the pandemic accelerated these realizations for many women, but perhaps things would have evolved in this direction one day. I have always loved wearing skirts and dresses, and never really liked the way jeans feel, though I have some that I think look good on me. I lost over twenty five pounds at the start of the pandemic and have had to part with and alter so many clothes. I’ve gone from a size large, to small, sometimes medium. I’ve done large purges, and some small refinements and keep letting more and more go. The items in the holding zone are periodically let go. I too, have been questioning what to keep, and how to shift the clothes to reflect the shift in my lifestyle. I still go to work and worked in person throughout the whole pandemic ( I’m a teacher), but work has always been casual, and now is even more so. I won’t give up the skirts and dresses I love….especially during my summer break, but I am having a hard time reimagining where my style journey is heading post pandemic. I’m trying to stay true to my love of colour, print and style, while being honest and replacing the old with something new and exciting too, I hope. Good luck with your style journey— I’m sure you will always be creative with your wardrobe!
As always, I think style (for some of us) is a micro reflection of what’s happening at a macro level in our lives. The pandemic has brought huge societal and personal shifts, and I think many of us will be grappling with the adjustments for a long time. I hope we all come out on the other side in a good place.
I have been trying to build a comfortable but structured wardrobe. Between flux in size (which as you point out can change in your waist throughout the day) and spending a lot more time at home I want clothes that I feel good in at home and still feel confident and pulled together in them when out in public. Lots of trial and error. And I still buy too many fancy clothes for places I rarely if never go because I love them and just seeing them in my closet brings me joy. I appreciate your layering as I feel that it’s an instant upgrade to any look when done well. You are talented and inspo for sure.
For sure, buying things that are too fancy is my weakness too – the most common mistake I still make even though I have gotten so much better over the years.
I am at a very similar place right now. I lost my mojo during the pandemic. I quit at the end of last year after getting completely burned out. I am taking the time this year to work on a passion project that I hope will not only help me heal but others as well.
Unfortunately, well and maybe fortunately :), I self-medicated last year via lots online thrifting so I do have a better wardrobe. I have really reassessed what I like and what I think looks good on me and my figure. I have a long torso and short legs. I realized that cropped tops/jackets (cropped to the pant or skirt top) with high waisted skirts and pants are so much more flattering on me. I also love a good wrap ankle sandal or espadrille for the summer or combat boot for fall winter. Additionally, I have expanded my modern, chunky jewelry repertoire that I am really digging. On the hunt for a cool gemstone cuff – I love Melissa Joy Manning’s versions but I don’t feel comfortable spending so much on one piece.
I am enjoying your posts where you show your artwork. I love water color and jewelry making but I am bad at allowing myself the time to pursue those hobbies. Something I need to plan for in the future as I make more progress on my passion project.
I always come back to your blog over the years and love to follow your fashion evolution, the fact you purchase most items secondhand and that you discuss the thought process behind your fashion choices.
I am saddened to hear about the loss of your mother. Sending you peace.
I have a similar body type! Figuring out what works for me and how I want to look has taken me years but I feel like I’ve finally got it down.
I’ve had good luck with finding semi-precious jewelry on Poshmark for a fraction of the retail price. It takes patience and frequent checking, but I have added beautiful pieces to my collection that way which I wouldn’t haven’t been able to buy in my budget otherwise.
Thank you for the kind words and for following along!