I didn’t watch the Oscars this year. I forgot the show was on until I checked Instagram on Sunday afternoon and saw the red carpet photos. I felt no desire to watch the actual thing, which was probably good considering that I might not have been able to anyway – we cancelled our cable last year. And it wouldn’t have mattered much, because I haven’t (yet) seen any of the nominated movies. I’m pretty sure I only saw one movie in the theatre last year, which was Hotel Transylvania 3 and you won’t need 3 guesses to figure out for whose benefit that was.

Wait, did Black Panther come out in 2018? If so, let me revise my earlier statement: I saw 2 movies in the theatre last year. [I have also reached the point in my life where all years begin to blend together, and EVERYTHING from, say, 2008 onwards feels like it happened anywhere from six months to 2 years ago. More often than not, I have to refer to the ages of my children to figure out a moderately accurate timeline.]

Anyway.

This is not a post about how I am over the Oscars. Because, let’s be very clear, I am not. As a profoundly cynical person, I love everything about Hollywood. With Hollywood, I can safely assume nothing is as it seems, and simply enjoy the spectacle. It doesn’t make me feel bad about my cynicism, you know? So, I love the Oscars. I just don’t have the time or the inclination to consume it first-hand. Give me the highlight reel, the memes, the reaction pieces. I love “watching” the Oscars through other people’s eyes.

Come to think of it, that’s how I consume most of my pop culture these days. How else can I make sure that I am able to opine on everything people are talking about any and all of the time, and still remain a somewhat productive person? Because, oh yes, I have opinions. I must! Having opinions about things one has never actually seen/read/experienced for themselves strikes me as being very au courant, don’t you think? [needless to say, I write that sentence, and the rest of this post, with tongue firmly in cheek.]

So, in this post, let’s talk things about which I know nothing except what I’ve read on social media. Yay, fun!

Best Actor/Actress

Let me reiterate that I saw none of the nominated movies. I hope to see The Favourite at some point (come through for me, Netflix!) because I’m a history nerd and I’m curious about what Yorgos Lanthimos does with the story of Queen Anne and Sarah Churchill. With that said, I am happy that Rami Malek won  because he’s a tiny, adorable-seeming person and not an old, white dude. I also grew up listening to a lot of Queen music, so I appreciate that Rami won for this particular role, though the movie as a whole is problematic. But, best of all, it means that Bradley Cooper lost. Hahahahahaha!

Sorry, guys. If you love BCoop, I hope we can still be friends. But, if not, at least let’s be thankful that we didn’t fall out over something truly silly, like deciding who’s the best Chris.I am also happy that Olivia Colman won, because she was fantastic in Broadchurch and seems like a wonderful lady. I hear her acceptance speech was very endearing. My favourite speech will forever be Sally Field’s – it’s basically what I want to say anytime someone lets me up on a podium with microphone access – so I do love me a good “aww, shucks” moment.

But I am also a little sad that Glenn Close didn’t win, because I really like her as well. Someone said that Glenn might have played the Queen Anne role a few years ago, and that it SO TRUE! Remember Dangerous Liaisons? Her Madame de Merteuil is one of my favourite female characters on film.

Best Picture

As far as I’m concerned, they should have given this to Black Panther. Look, I saw that movie and it was great, OK? Also, Chadwick Boseman wears a cape on the red carpet very well, and that should count for something.

Lady Gaga

Surely she must have better things to do than try to sell me Bradley Cooper as a lust object. I won’t have it, Gaga!

The Fashion

I have yet to see an outfit from Sunday’s red carpet that totally blows me away, but I’m happy there was a lot of colour for once. All the pink gowns were fun, even though I didn’t really like any of them. Better than black, anyway.

“But, Adina, how can you say that” you might ask. “You wear a lot of black.”

Here’s the thing: if I ever end up on a red carpet, I will probably wear black.* Because it’s a classic, it doesn’t immediately look dated regardless of style, and it feels comfortable and safe. I get why people gravitate to black. But, as an observer, black is boring. The details, which might be stunning in real life, largely get lost in photos. I want drama on the red carpet, and I want colour. Is that so much to ask for?

Anyway, this year, I really enjoyed Awkwafina’s outfit. It had a certain DGAF-ness to it, whilst still being appropriate for the occasion. I appreciate subtle subversiveness. I also appreciated Nicholas Hoult’s draped suit sash situation. It was almost as good as Timothee Chalamet’s bejeweled harness from the Golden Globes. And that cape of Chadwick’s. Who knew that men’s accessories could be so much fun?

* Scratch that. I’ve pondered this further, and on balance, should I ever end up at the Oscars, I would like to wear some kind of dark green velvet, maybe with sequins. I basically want to look like a sleek, slightly intimidating lizard. Fun!

The Chris Evans

So Chris Evans Chris-Evaned at the Oscars and a good two-thirds of social media went weak at the knees. Listen, it’s better than when people lose their minds over Bradley Cooper. But it seemed a tad overblown given that, much like Kooky Klumsy Jennifer Law, Gentleman Chris Evans has become an awards show staple. Hold out for more! You won’t have to wait long. Just give Chris Evans a minute; I’m sure he’s about to rescue a one-eyed puppy from a burning building or something.

And that concludes my Secondhand Opinions About the Oscars I Didn’t Watch. Tell me yours in the comments!

Someone on redditt/FemaleFashionAdvice recently posted an inspo album that deeply appealed to my newly awakened “goth” sensibility. These two photos in particular caught my eye:

What do we call this? Vaguely Edwardian goth dandy? Is that a thing? Let’s make it a thing.

Typically, I don’t like to put together outfits that are literal copies of someone else’s; I like to add my own spin on things, if only because that way I’m less likely to be disappointed if I don’t end up looking as cool as the original. [Sometimes, it’s not so much that I want to dress like someone one, as it is that I want to be the person I imagine them to be. Know what I mean?] This was an exception. My first thought was “damn, too bad I don’t have a cane and top hat” because, yes, I wanted to wear this literal outfit immediately. Since that wasn’t option, my next thought was to try to figure out how I could get as close as possible using the pieces I have in my closet.

Attempt No. 1 was fairly predictable, if you’re at all familiar with my closet.

My AllSaints ruffle blouse was a natural choice. The Sarah Pacini tunic thing was a good match, because the stretchy, deep V-neckline allows the blouse to shine; the bottom half of the tunic also adds some volume and texture and angles when layered over my Aritzia Johan skirt. [Sidenote: that skirt has become one of the cornerstones of my wardrobe. I probably wear it once a week which, given my wardrobe numbers, is quite a feat.] To further emphasize the waist, I added a wide obi-style belt.

I liked the result a lot, but it had one drawback. To account for the lack of sleeves and the weather, I had to add a cardigan before leaving the house, and that kinda spoiled the effect I was going for. Oh well.

Attempt No. 2 was a much less literal interpretation.

The skirt and shoes are the same, but I substituted a simple silk button-up shirt (Equipment) in place of the fancy ruffle blouse. I buttoned it all the way up to emphasize the collar. In a stroke of inspiration, I added the cropped faux leather top (Zara) for a bit of extra texture and edginess. [Sidenote: this cropped top is also becoming a key piece in my wardrobe. It’s shockingly handy for adding interest to outfits.] Then I threw on a sharply-tailored blazer (Smythe) because I was going to the office, and wanted to look extra badass.

I wish I had taken a photo of the outfit sans blazer as well, because it looked very cool both ways. This was an outfit I loved, and it received quite a few compliments at work as well.

Attempt No. 3 was a kind of compromise between the two previous ones.

Here, I used the skirt, blouse, belt and shoes from the first outfit, but subbed in a long coat (Boss) for the tunic. The higher neckline of the coat allows less of the blouse ruffle to be seen, so the effect is more subdued. However, the coat sleeves add their own bit of drama.

This was a fun little exercise in outfit-making, and I plan to use this photo for general inspiration when out on my thrifting adventures. Who knows, maybe I’ll even find a cool cane one of these days.

My embroidered portrait series continues … this week: Iris Apfel.

This was a no-brainer – I adore Iris’ joie de vivre, and her exuberant style offers a perfect opportunity to play with beading and other media. However, though Iris is the highlight of this post, she was not the project I tackled immediately after Elizabeth. My next piece was actually inspired by Marie Antoinette and the Rococo period.

I was excited by the prospect, primarily because I wanted to experiment with a new material for my subject’s hair, but the execution itself was a torturous experience. The hair didn’t quite turn out the way I had envisioned it, I had to re-work the dress bodice several times, the background needed some last-minute jazzing up … it was a bit of a mess. The final product wasn’t terrible, per se, but it didn’t delight me in the same way as Frida and Elizabeth:

I did learn some valuable lessons, though. One, I got a better sense of how to use the nubby wool yarn for creating hairdos. Two, I learned that, while some improvisation is fine, certain key elements of the design have to be well planned in advance, including in terms of the materials to be used. That last part, though … it’s a work in progress, let’s say. I don’t have the advantage of a good fabric store nearby, the thrifts are hit and miss, and I am impatient – all of which is to say: sometimes I start a project not as well-prepared as I should.

Onwards, now, to Iris.

Because of her hair, I knew that I had to go back to a darker background to ensure there would be sufficient contrast. Luckily, as with Elizabeth, the dress design was of the kind that’s easy to improvise on the run, so I didn’t have to worry too much about tracing a complicated drawing onto my muslin. Plus, I now have a light-table/light-box (cheapie version from Amazon) which helps immeasurably with that.

Again, I used a textured white wool yarn for the hair, tacking it down with (thin) white thread. The key was “styling” the hair afterwards, which I spent a not inconsiderable amount of time doing – cutting and shaping it to more or less resemble Iris’ real life ‘do.

Because of the glasses, I did not embroider the felt face before attaching it to the canvas. I was worried that it would be harder to embroider through 2 layers of material, but that wasn’t the case at all. For the aqua eyeshadow, I ended up using one of my kids’ Crayola pencils to shade the eyelids. (This was another thing I learned from doing the Rococo lady – I had ended up using actual blush for her cheeks, and the muslin took that well. In this case, I had no eyeshadow of the appropriate colour, but the pencil worked just fine on felt.)

I had tons of bits and bobs to use for Iris’ iconic jewelry – necklaces and bracelets, my favourite part of this piece – but I found myself stumped on the rest of her clothing. I didn’t have any fabric scraps that seemed suitable, so as a last resort I went downstairs into my “clothing swap” pile and began to look for options. Eventually, I pulled out an old Anthropology top which had an ikat-like print that looked promising. It wasn’t an expensive piece of clothing, nor one that I anticipated any of my friends being devastated to miss out on, so I went for it. [I only used a small patch of fabric, and am saving the rest for future projects.]

Putting everything together went smoothly, but at the end, I still felt like something was missing. I felt like the piece still needed more of a “wow” factor … and then I remembered my daughter’s dollar store craft supplies, which included a bag of cheap feathers. I had never worked with feathers before, but I did a quick mock-up, and saw that the idea had possibilities. A few tucks and stitches later, and I had my complete portrait:

Because of the feathers, it’s a bit more fragile a piece than my usual hoop portraits, but I love how it turned out.