So, here’s the thing: I’m starting to look as young as I feel, which is to say like a teenager. And, guys, that is not a good thing.

For the last dozen years or so, I’ve very much enjoyed my largely blemish-free skin. Foolishly, I attributed it to genes and karmic justice after a rough (in more ways than one) adolescence. I say foolishly because it had nothing to do with those things, and everything to do with the birth control pills I was taking. Which I have now stopped taking. Which means … oh hai, zits of my youth!

I cannot believe I’m writing about this!

I am writing about this, because y’all need to hear about this amazing thing I found at Walmart. Yeah, I know! Walmart. And it costs $6. Yeah, I know!

It’s Hard Candy Glamoflauge, and it’s da bomb. You take a teeeeeny tiiiiiiiiiny amount and slap it on whatever zits bits need hiding. (According to the packaging, that can include tattoos, so you know this is serious stuff.) You should probably use a concealer brush to do it, but if you’re a Neanderthal like me, a finger can also do the job. The regular tube comes with a cute little concealer pencil, which is perfect for on-the-go touch-ups. There is also this. As the name suggests, it’s a less heavy duty version of the Glamoflauge. I use it a lot whenever my zits back off from the ledge and I can do with a lighter coverage. I find both versions wear pretty well, though I usually have to do a quick touch-up in the afternoon if I’m heading out; I touch my face a lot, which is probably the issue.

Anyway, here’s a photo of what I look like after “doing mah face” in the morning.

For the curious, I’m wearing a L’Oreal BB cream mixed with my moisturizer, the Glamoflauge, and E.L.F. tone-correcting powder. A word on the latter: it’s awesome, and it only costs about $10 (buy it on Nail Polish Canada, and the domestic shipping is free). I don’t know that it does much tone correcting, but it’s a lovely finishing powder – takes away the shinies, and sets the concealer well. I use the E.L.F. kabuki brush with it, which is also awesome-sauce (and also cheap cheap). Oh, and I’m also wearing Benefit Coralista blush because, hello, pasty.

Aloha! I’m not in Hawaii but, boy, I wish I was! How about a floral-themed Shortlist instead? Sure, why not.

RED Valentino Floral Coat

OK, right off the bat: spendy. It’s Valentino, so you know it’s gonna break your heart or your wallet. It’s also highly impractical, so it’s probably not worth dwelling on too much. Right? Right?!? Tell me I’m right.

Sigh.

It also comes in a dress version. Don’t Google it!

You Googled it, didn’t you? And now you hate me a little bit more.

Sigh.

Moncler Eufrasia Floral Print Coat

If my Google-fu is working, this is the coat I tried on at a boutique in Vancouver back in February. And it’s reversible (plain black on the other side). And just gorgeous. I wanted this so, so bad. But it’s also spendy – four figures spendy, you guys. And, when you come right down to it, it’s a glorified (nylon) windbreaker. Woven by beautiful virgins in the French Alps or whatever, but still.

Anthropologie Lacona Popover

Way, way less expensive … but still kinda over my (current) budget. I’m hoping it will hit eBay around the time I go back to work, and my splurge account gets a boost. See it here on Marianne.

J. Crew Factory Floral Necklace

Finally, something I can afford. As soon as it hits the clearance rack. I know these things are about as cliched as J. Crew’s bubble necklaces used to be, but i still kinda want one. I think it would look cute with some of my summer dresses, like this Joe Fresh striped one. Am I crazy? I also know these have been knocked off to hell and back, which is why I’m not paying more than $20 for one. I just want one that won’t turn my neck green.

What I Wore: Sunday Funday

Clearly, grandma’s couch had antecedents in my closet; this thrifted skirt is its country-bumpkin cousin. Grandma’s rocking chair? Joking aside, I loved this skirt. But, guys, the love has run its course; we are consciously uncoupling. Well, consciously on my part; I cannot speak to its state of awareness. I can speak to its antipathy for my post-baby hips. So off it goes into next year’s clothing swap pile. Don’t y’all rush to get in line for it! (I know. That GOOP-y joke was funny for about 30 seconds, 2 weeks ago. When I wrote this post. We’re still friends, right?)

Something else I’ve given up on is mastery of the sock bun. Instead, I’ve decided to attempt something more in line with my actual skills. Behold, the bird’s nest:

Life’s so much easier with lowered expectations.