Was something in the water this week? Were the planets bugging out again? Because, damn. At least we can close the chapter on January. It felt like three Mondays and a dumpster fire in a trenchcoat.
Ok, ok. It wasn’t all bad. This month, I published my book – yay! – and found a new therapist I like a lot – yay! – and made good progress with my planned edits. Also yay. Technically, this week, I can only claim the last thing as a real accomplishment. Oh well; you win some, you lose some weeks to anxiety spirals.
As you might suspect, this was not a good week on the cutting-out-doomscrolling front. I dread the inevitable notification about my weekly average screen time. I shall be chastised and chastened. But if at first you don’t succeed, try again … right?
To make things worse, this week was not a good reading week either. I had to DNF a book, and that was on the heels of another bad book experience. First, there was Nine Lives by Peter Swanson. Interesting blurb, good premise (another Agatha Christie And Then There Were None-inspired thriller, but if done well, a sub-genre I enjoy), decent writing. Things were fine … until I got to the last 10 or so pages and read the big “reveal” and the killer’s motivations … at which point I got a screaming urge to throw the book across the room. I didn’t, because it was a library borrow. But, ugh! Just dumb and maddeningly nonsensical.
But then! I started reading Every Time I Go on Vacation, Someone Dies by Catherine Mack and – oh, boy. I couldn’t make it two chapters. The narrator’s voice was like nails on a chalkboard, and every one of the characters introduced was instantly annoying to me. Apologies to anyone who’s read this book and loved it – it just wasn’t my cup of tea. And I was very disappointed, but I’d seen it recommended as a contemporary cozy mystery, which is a genre I’m trying to explore to expand my horizons (beyond classic/historical mysteries).
I finally had better thrift luck this week, at least. It’s been so lackluster lately, even my daughter begged off joining me this week. Which made me sad, but you have to pick your battles with teenagers. It was her loss (in more ways than one) because it ended up being a pretty productive visit. My best score was a mint condition, made in Switzerland (!) Ermenegildo Zegna for Neiman Marcus men’s blazer. The material – wool, camel hair, and silk – feels incredible. It’s too small for my husband, and a bit too big for me, and my son – who fits it perfectly – is, like, “meh” … but that doesn’t matter. I’m determined to make it work for me, as a kind of oversized coat thing.
Last week I wrote about things I like; this week, it’s time to talk about what I don’t like. You might be wondering ‘what’s the point of that?’ If the things we like are the building blocks of our personal style, isn’t the key thing to know what those are? And, yes, that’s important. But knowing what you don’t like is equally important because they also, in a way, define our personal style. Or, if you will, the boundaries of our personal style.
Having a list of things I’ve tried and didn’t like has helped me to cut down on clothing purchases that I end up regretting. You know how they say, ‘fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me?’ Something like that applies to fashion too. The fashion industry has an endless assortment of styles and clothes to offer us. All. The. Time. Some amount of sampling and experimenting is useful (and, arguably, necessary) to figuring out one’s personal style, but it’s critical to learn from both the failures as well as the successes in order to avoid a cycle of repeated disappointment and wastage (our money, and the environment’s resources).
Here are the things I don’t like.
Pencil Skirts
Here, I am talking specifically about knee-adjacent pencil skirts. Last week, I talked about how I strive to achieve a long vertical line in my outfits. Knee-length anything is completely counterproductive to that goal because it accentuates that my legs are short compared to my torso.
Puffy Sleeves
Now, this is not a “never, ever” situation for me, but it’s a deep orange flag. Short and puffy is a Hell, No. I have broad shoulders and adding bulk and volume to my upper arms makes me look (to myself) and feel like a linebacker. Elbow-length and puffy is a Think Carefully Before You Commit. I tend to avoid these kinds of sleeves, but have made rare exceptions.
I will say that I enjoy a voluminous sleeve, just not a puffy one. Think something like a bishop sleeve, for example.
High Heels
I lived in high heels when I worked in the office. Then came the pandemic and WFH life, and heels dropped off the map. And never came back. I will wear a pair for the very rare special occasions in my life (like weddings), but otherwise anything with a heel taller than 2 inches is pretty much a no-go for me. I used to love heels because they made me extra tall – and I think we have established how important that is to me – but I have since learned to create the illusion of height through the proportions of my outfit, which is a far more comfortable and practical solution.
Skinny Pants
I am specifically talking about this flavour of skinny pants – oh, and remember those skinny jeans that were basically glorified leggings (except tighter and less comfortable)? Yeah, not for me. It’s not because they’re currently out of style/off-trend. It’s because, once my legs discovered the comfort of looser fitting pants, they refused to go back. At this point, I think skinny jeans would be a sensory issue for me, honestly. I can wear leggings as long as they’re suuuuuper soft and stretchy and are as close to seamless as possible. Anything else skinny is out.
Paisley
Ok, clearly, I do own paisley print clothes. That being said, I am very strict about what I buy, and own very few paisley items. I love prints. I think paisley is a beautiful print. I just don’t love it on me for some reason. I have no rational explanation for this. All I know is that, for years, I kept trying to make fetch paisley happen, only to routinely donate most of the paisley pieces I bought. Eventually, I learned my lesson.
Royal Purple
This one pains me too. I love royal purple as a colour. I just don’t love it on me. I also find it hard to pair with the rest of my wardrobe colour palette. So I’ve had to stop myself from buying purple clothes, no matter how cute they are and how much I love the colour on the hanger.
Leather Pants
This one kinda hurts to admit, lol! The truth is that I’ve re-donated 90% of the leather or faux leather pants I’ve thrifted over the years, and that is a clear sign that leather pants are Not For Me. To be clear, I don’t hate them – in principle or on myself. I just (almost) never end up reaching for them to actually wear. So, now, they’re on my do-not-buy list.
Strapless Dresses
I hate strapless bras, and most strapless dresses are designed such that they require me to wear, ahem, some form of bust support. Ditto dresses with very thin spaghetti straps. I will, occasionally, make exceptions for the latter, mostly because I can wear them layered over sleeved tops, which allows me to wear the bra(lette) of my choice underneath.
Wrap Dresses
I used to love wrap dresses, but as my style evolved, I fell out of love. It’s not just the fact that most of them tend to be knee-length; I find the style to be one of the least versatile for me. I don’t like how they look layered, and layering dresses is one of my fave style “hacks”. I also don’t like how they look under blazer-style jackets, and we’ve established how much I love those.
In talking about all my dislikes, I hope I’m not making you feel bad about liking these things. Personal style is highly individual. The takeaway, I hope, is about how to assess the things you’ve tried that didn’t work out and break down the reasons why in order to become better equipped to curate the wardrobe of your dreams.
This week felt like being in a starting line waiting for a gun that never went off. Do the Germans have a word for that feeling of being keyed up about something exciting that feels imminent except you have no idea when it’s actually going to happen and it keeps not happening (yet)? Germans have words for everything, especially compound emotions. So how about this: excitement + anticipation + uncertainty + frustration + malaise? That was my week, lol!
I came to the (belated) realization that I am doomed to exist in a state of frustrated anticipation. Waiting is basically my default mode, I guess … simply because my brain runs at a completely different speed from the rest of the world. I am forever waiting for people, things, life to catch up to me. For years and years, I thought this was a character flaw – lack of patience, pretty mundane – but now I see that it’s a question of cognitive functioning. Understanding this doesn’t change anything, practically speaking, but it’s helping me see and make peace with the fact that it’s not something I can “fix” about myself. I just have to learn to live with it.
On the bright side, reviews for my book are slowly trickling in – and they’ve been amazing! I am so thrilled to see that people are getting precisely the book experience that I wanted to create for readers. There is no better feeling for a storyteller. Sales are also ticking along, though I’m trying not to get hung up on those numbers. I have to keep reminding myself that I’m a debut indie author without a massive platform or audience (yet, haha) and that getting traction for my books is going to be a slow marathon, not a sprint. Particularly since I don’t write in a genre that’s ripe to go viral. What I’ve read in a lot of writer spaces is that building up a backlist – i.e. publishing more books – is key to expanding one’s audience and reach. I’ve got a plan for that, so we’ll see how it goes.
I had mixed success this week with my goal of reducing phone screentime. I did cut down a bit, but not nearly as much as I had hoped. I think my hopes were overly ambitious, tbh. But I did manage to read a couple of fantastic books, which I feel sorta balances things out. One of them was Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead by Olga Tokarczuk, and the other was The Sentence by Louise Erdrich. Both feature complex, fascinating older female protagonists with memorable voices (both books use first person narration) that stay with you even when you’re not reading. Of the two, I liked The Sentence a little more, because I found Tookie an easier character to connect with than Janina (and it’s worth adding that both are, in different ways and to different extents, difficult and somewhat “unlikable” characters).
On the other hand, I made very little progress this week with my current Classic Lit book choice, Thomas Mann’s Doctor Faustus. The writing style (which is a deliberate authorial choice, I’m sure) makes it a book that I find challenging to “binge”, so I’m reading it very slowly in very small chunks. When I’m also in the middle of a more “gripping” narrative (like the other books I mentioned), it tends to get put on the backburner. I do plan to buckle down next week, because I dislike dragging out books for months on end.
The good news is that we survived Blue Monday, which means that January is almost over, which means that we are one month closer to March, which means spring. Yay! This feels kinda blasphemous to say but I’m already mostly over sweaters and ready to move on to lighter layers.
