The prospect of another birthday brings many feels with it. First and foremost, I am grateful. Grateful to be here, grateful to be healthy, grateful for family and friends and this whole wonderful life. There is also a note of uncertainty. My 40s have been an unpredictable rollercoaster ride; I have no idea what comes next, and if I’ve learned anything these past 3 years, it’s to not strive to try to predict what comes next, but remain open and curious (and brave). So we grapple with uncertainty and not let it get us down.

And finally, yeah, not gonna lie: I’m excited for the opportunity to indulge myself.

I am not especially strict with myself the rest of the year (hah!) but a birthday is the socially-sanctioned occasion for selfish splurging. Right? Right.

Selfish but not senseless, though. There is something really satisfying about choosing your indulgences carefully. In this, as in every other area of life, value is personal and subjective. For example, I don’t enjoy birthday parties. In principle, I like the idea of being the center of attention at a social gathering; in practice, not so much. I always end up worrying if people are having fun, which quickly spirals into wondering whether they like me, which eventually leads to me staying up till 3 AM to ponder every single verbal and non-verbal interaction to decipher whether I said or did something that could be perceived as offensive, weird, or both. No, thank you.

I also don’t enjoy celebratory dinners at fancy restaurants. I do not have a fancy palate; my idea of a special occasion meal is eating sushi and/or steak and mashed potatoes until I am slightly uncomfortable and then going straight to the couch to have a lie down. Bonus points if I have a good book in my hands and nobody bothers me for the next hour.

For reasons I won’t bore you with, birthday spa days and birthday trips are also not my jam. I could go on, but why. What I’m getting at is simply this: one of the perks of getting older is achieving the freedom to embrace your own quirks without worrying about what other people will make of them. It’s those quirks that make us who we are, and that’s what I want to be celebrating on my birthday.

My indulgences tend to be material things … but, specifically, material things wrapped in an experience. So, for example, a trip to a (used) bookstore to buy a book (or three), rather than being handed the same book in a gift-wrapped package. The experience of being in the store, browsing the shelves, stumbling on some book I never knew I wanted … that’s equally as important as the book(s) I end up taking home. Lately, another favourite thing is antique shopping with my husband; I love finding an inexpensive, overlooked gem, but the part where we drive together to some random part of the city is the real special bit – it’s a chance for us to be alone together for an hour and it feels like a mini road-trip adventure. Especially if we stop at McDonalds for a large Diet Coke on the way. That’s extra level.

What I love about material things wrapped in experiences is that the things become tangible memories. I can look around my house and be surrounded by my happy memories. I find that very comforting.

It so happens that this year we’ll be going to Calgary for a long weekend around the time of my son’s birthday (and just before mine). Family trips epitomize the concept of compromise, so we’ll be doing lots of things I don’t enjoy (but someone else in the family does, like going to the zoo), but also plenty that I love. In no particular order:

• the first hour and a half of the road-trip before the approved song playlist ends and the inevitable “are we there yets” begin. That sense of optimism and adventure should be bottled.
• stopping at the Donut Mill on Gasoline Alley. I don’t like donuts that much, but nothing tastes as good as going through the motions of something you’ve done for 30 years. It carries a “rightness” that is unparalleled.
• taking the kids to Fair’s Fair Books and letting them loose with $30 to spend to their heart’s content. Mostly so I can buy my husband and myself an hour’s quiet browsing (am I being too optimistic? probably … a mother can dream).
• stopping in at Cody & Sioux to look at pretty turquoise jewelry that my husband can “surprise” me with for my birthday. This is my version of being a kid in a candy store, but I plan to touch EVERYthing.
• a pilgrimage to the Polo Ralph Lauren outlet store in CrossIron Mills, which is the closest I’ll get to experiencing Papa Ralph’s spirit in person. I’m not sure I’m going to buy anything; I just want to imbibe the atmosphere, as it were.

It’s all wonderfully indulgent and, apart from the fact I’ll be away from my bed for a few nights, a pretty kickass (early) birthday. They do say to start the year as you mean to go on …

Details: Clover Canyon top (Poshmark), Roksanda skirt, Jones NY blazer, Manolo Blahnik shoes (all thrifted)

Thoughts: Designer finds are vanishingly rare at the thrifts these days, so I was a bit stunned to find this Roksanda skirt recently. It’s a high end design label out of the UK; skirts retail for $1,500 and up, but it’s not super well known so maybe that’s how it slipped past others’ radar. I’m not complaining, because it’s precisely my kind of skirt: high waisted and long. I love it. And I love this outfit. I’m not going to tell you that you could wear this to your actual office (unless you work in a creative industry, maybe), but if you’re WFH like me — well, anything is possible. This is a restrained colour palette for me, but the textures and patterns keep it interesting.

Details: F21 top, Babaton skirt, Barbara Barbieri shoes (all thrifted)

Thoughts: This has SUCH strong 90s vibes for me, and I love it! It’s the kind of outfit I would have been too self-conscious to wear (and too poor to afford) as a teen in the 90s, so you could say that I’m healing some fashion trauma with this outfit.

Details: Maeve skirt (as dress, via Poshmark), J. Crew shoes (retail), selfmade necklace

Thoughts: You will surely not have to guess why I was instantly drawn to this skirt (yes, it’s a skirt) when it popped up on Poshmark. It’s so me! The colours! The patchwork pattern! The length and cut! All great. What I should have done is pay closer attention to the fabric description. This, friends, is no bueno. It’s plasticky polyester that feels like parachute material. Anthro went to a fair bit of trouble with this skirt — not only the design, but it has some crinoline and a nice lining too — so this choice of fabric is a head scratcher. I guess on the plus side, I can wear this skirt in the rain and not get wet? *shrug* Anywaaay … I’m still relatively happy with this (impulse) purchase, especially since it can double up as a dress. Thank you, elastic waist!

Details: Holding Horses tunic, Ralph Lauren skirt, BR belt, Napoleoni shoes (all thrifted)

Thoughts: I was strangely drawn to the western-style detailing of this Anthro tunic — I swear, I am inching ever closer to buying the damn cowboy boots — but I was not sold on the length. As you may recall, the only way I like to wear short skirts or dresses is with opaque tights, which isn’t much of a proposition in the summer. However, I had other ideas in mind for this tunic. I figured it would have some layering possibilities and I was correct. This is just one example, and I have a few other skirts up my, errrr, sleeve which I think will work equally well.

Details: Denim & Supply top, American Eagle vest, Susan Bristol skirt, Marquis shoes (all secondhand)

Thoughts: I love the subtle pattern mixing going on here. I’m torn on the skirt. I think it’s lovely but I find it hard to style; it’s a bit TOO twee in that cottagecore way. It’s the heart patches. Maybe if it was longer, that could help? I can’t quite bear to part with it yet, though. I’m waiting for fresh inspiration to make it work.

Details: Ralph Lauren shirt, H&M pants, Esprit belt (all thrifted), J. Crew shoes (consignment)

Thoughts: I’ve been wanting a classic, blue-striped shirt for a while, and finally found this vintage men’s shirt at the thrifts. It’s oversized and perfect for wrap tucking. For this outfit, I was inspired by a Ralph Lauren runway look featuring a similar shirt tucked into a long, sweeping, ruffly white skirt, and belted. I don’t have that kind of skirt — yet!!! — so I substituted these tan pants.

My annual clothing swap has been one of the highlights of my social calendar every year since 2007, and this year was no exception. If anything, it was extra special because it was the first time we included the next generation. A few of the ladies who attended brought their daughters who are all around the same age as mine (10-12 years old), and they got into the swapping action too. My daughter had a blast and it was so lovely to see. She’s been getting the secondhand indoctrination for a few years now, and I appreciate the opportunity to show her another side of it. She’s now wearing adult sizes in most of her clothing, which makes it easier to thrift for/with her, as well as to share pieces that I’ve been saving up for her. I’m very glad she takes after me in terms of her interest in fashion … though we don’t always agree on what’s cool.

The set-up for the swap was the same as the past 2 years; I held it in my back yard, which is really the only space big enough at my house to host 18-20 people comfortably. We lucked out with the weather too; after weeks of wildfire smoke and rain, we got a perfectly clear, sunny day. Maybe a little too sunny, but we made it work. I think next year I’ll put up a canopy over my stone patio to provide a bit more shade.

I still used the deck as a “boutique” area for accessories, books and home decor.

This was just my stuff; people added theirs as they arrived. This year, we had more clothing than other items. That’s the nature of a swap, though — you never know what you’re going to get!

I wore my fave new dress which was a good call because it was the perfect summer weight for a hot day. I also had a hat! That saved my butt, sitting in the sun for a few hours.

Here’s a peek at some of the pieces I brought to the swap:

Many of them were things I had listed for sale at one point. In the last year, I’ve had no desire to continue to resell; it takes too much time and effort for not much pay-off. So, instead, I “liquidated” most of that inventory through the swap. I did keep a few things back for next year since my own wardrobe turnover has gone down a lot recently, and I wanted to make sure to have stuff for the next swap.

As far as picking up new-to-me pieces from the swap, I wasn’t looking for anything in particular. Actually, it’s best not to go into a swap with a list of items because you might not find them and then feel frustrated and then not enjoy the experience. What I mean is that I wasn’t especially looking to add new stuff to my closet, so I was pickier than normal in what I chose to take from the swap. Here’s what I got:

The jacket I actually picked up for my son, whose style game I am forever trying to improve (he’s terminally casual, like his dad). I am very excited to have found a bunch of tees and tanks (all Frank & Oak) which will be great staples/layering pieces. The colours aren’t part of my Seasonal palette (the person who brought them is an Autumn, and I’m Spring) but I love them and I think they will still work with my wardrobe. I am also excited for the long maxi skirt; it suits my aesthetic well and it’s Maison Margiela — score!! The oversized blue Lewit sweater is a piece I admired on a friend years ago and she thoughtfully saved it for me; it’s going to be so nice and cozy this winter. Last but not least, I took a chance on a pair of shoes — Chie Mihara sandals and Marsell booties — which nobody else picked up. They’re both fantastic quality. I know I will get use out of the sandals because I wear flat sandals most of the time in the summer. The other pair was more of a fashion risk. I don’t wear peep toes normally, but the leather is so soft, I’m hoping they won’t hurt at all. Not sure about the style but we’ll see.

I also picked up some amazing books:

And that’s a wrap on this year’s clothing swap!