That’s always my first reaction when I hear that phrase. But, don’t worry: this is not going to be that kind of talk.
At least, I don’t think it is.
The truth is that I’ve been feeling a lot of, well, negative feelings about blogging, and this blog in particular, lately. I’m not so much burnt out, as bitter. And that, you guys, is not a good feeling. It’s not the feeling I want to get from something I do as a hobby – a distraction from everyday stresses. I’ve asked myself numerous times why it is that I periodically get to this point with the blog, and the truth ain’t so pretty.
I get jealous.
Jealous of the fact that other bloggers have more traffic and more reader engagement. More followers on Instagram. More comments. More recognition. I hate to feel like I’m failing, and after almost 5 years, this blog seems like an exercise in perpetual failure. And it pains me to say that, even if it reflects what I’m feeling, because I don’t want to sound ungrateful – truly. I am so proud and honoured that each of you takes the time to read my blog, and I don’t want to sound dismissive of what you have contributed to the small community that has developed here. I don’t know why, at times, I start feeling like that’s not enough – and that’s on me. I’m not sure if I can work through it and get past it, or if the only answer, ultimately, is shutting down this blog for good.
But! (And this is why I started writing this post in the first place, in case you were starting to wonder.)
I’m trying. I was bitching about my feelings of inadequacy on a bloggers’ forum recently, and someone brought up a really good point. Who am I writing this blog for? Not me. I mean, let’s face it: I’m not posting photos of myself on the internet for my own benefit. (Instagram exists solely, I think, to satisfy our innate narcissistic tendencies.) I am writing for someone. For you, hopefully. I am writing because I want to connect with people who understand and share my love of clothes, and dressing up. There has to be a way that I can re-define “success” for myself in that context – a way that doesn’t involve comparing myself, and this blog, to people I don’t actually want to be (or emulate). Part of that, it was suggested to me, might have to do with better understanding what kind of audience I want, and what they would want from a blog like this.
So I would like to ask you for a favour. Whether you’ve been a long-time reader, or you’ve just stumbled onto BCRL yesterday, please take a moment or two and tell me: what are you looking for in a personal style blog? What are your deal-breakers? What can I do (content-wise, or blog design-wise) to make BCRL better? If you want to throw in what you love (and hate?) about the blog, all the better. What I hope your comments will tell me, ultimately, is whether there is still a reason for BCRL to exist – whether there is an audience for it (amid the bazillion other style blogs out there), and whether I can deliver whatever it is that, well, you are looking for. I don’t know what the answer is … but I’m looking forward to finding out.