Joe Fresh floral shorts
Top, Gap Factory; shorts, Joe Fresh; shoes, J. Crew Factory; necklace, RW&Co.’ bag, MbMJ (via eBay)

Stop. The. Presses.

I am wearing shorts. I repeat, I am wearing shorts. Oh-em-gee.

I haven’t worn shorts since I hit puberty. Well, more like crashed and burned into it. Anyway. The reasons I stopped wearing shorts then are not the same reasons why I haven’t worn them in the past few years. My list of insecurities has shrunk significantly in the interim. Cellulite is … intermittently one of them, but I actually have to work at getting worked up about it. I’ve got bigger effing problems.

I’m pasty.* That is the most “duh” statement I have probably ever made on this blog, but yeah. I’m pasty and I can’t be arsed to pretend otherwise. (Especially since my previous attempt to do something about it backfired in a spectacular manner.) Since I refuse to roll around in Cheetos dust to avoid offending the sensibilities of people irrationally revolted by pasty skin – who are inexplicably legion, but let’s not even start – I try to accommodate them by doing the next best thing. Hiding the pasty. (Not an euphemism.)

And, until two weeks ago, that meant no shorts.

Joe Fresh floral shorts
Protect your eyes

But then, recently, some of my internet friends* took to wearing shorts (naturally – it’s summer, and they’re not neurotic basket cases like me), and I felt like it was perhaps time to revisit the whole ban on shorts. Fran’s post was the final push and here we are.

Actually, the “shorts” I ended up buying – on a whim, at the grocery store, because that’s how I roll – are sleepwear. Yep, I wore pyjama bottoms. Out and about. In public. In a completely unironic way. Pause for a minute and let that sink in. But, also, once the second-hand embarrassment wears off, don’t forsake me. What is one questionable life choice among friends*?

* I was telling my mom about the shorts, and she reminded me of the time I was traveling in Europe, and this Italian guy said I looked like mozzarella. I mean, I don’t think he was trying to be unkind, but … damn.
* You refer to your favourite bloggers as “friends” too, right? Right?!

13 Comments on Shorts Story

  1. Haha, you had me snickering because “Hide the pasty” really does sound unintentionally dirty… I’ll have to see if I can work that into conversations just to see how people react.
    And being compared to mozzarella is a compliment, right? That stuff is delicious…
    Btw I think you look great for wearing pj bottoms out in public! I probably wouldn’t have guessed.

    • That’s good to hear. I asked my husband if I looked ridiculous, and he said no, but he’s not always trustworthy in that regard.
      I don’t know that the mozzarella comment was a compliment, as much as an expression of disbelief šŸ˜‰

  2. Up until 2005 I never wore shorts or skirts, just trousers. My now-husband always has tanned skin & I was bemoaning my pastyness when he pointed out that sun won’t penetrate denim… From then on I realised I didn’t give a stuff what anyone else though, they probably weren’t even looking & I’ve worn primarily skirts & dresses ever since. As soon as it’s remotely warm each spring I go bare legged, well into late autumn šŸ™‚

    The mozzarella comment is way harsh Tai but who cares if you are pasty, no wrinkles etc for you!!

    • Oh God, I won the genetic lottery of woe because not only am I pasty, I am also wrinkly. Diligent with sunscreen … I am not, as much as I should be.
      I wear tons of dresses, but that extra 3-4 inches above the knee is what really drives the anti-pasty faction crazy. Don’t ask me why.

  3. I’m just like you – I haven’t worn shorts since adolescence. I haven’t yet crossed the bridge back to shorts-wearing, expect for working out. For me, its that all the shorts are too darn “fitted”. But I see you’ve solved this problem by wearing pjs! Perfect.

    • Haha! I don’t know if it’s so much “solved” as “compounded” but ok.
      But! I just discovered the sliced bread equivalent of shorts: J. Crew 5 inch inseam shorts. Seriously, check them out. Factory has a bunch of cute prints, with bonus side zip (really flattering around the stomach area); retail has the City Shorts in a bunch of solid colours for only $10! Yes, $10!
      That way, you don’t have to walk around in PJs šŸ˜‰

  4. Mozzarella ladies unite! I haven’t worn shorts since high school because I’m very tall (36″-38″ inseam) and I feel like I look like a streetwalker with all my mozzarella hanging out! The worst part is that I married an Italian and my son has that gorgeous bronze skin too!

    • We’re twins! Except for the mile-long legs … I wish. Sigh.
      But, yes, I also married a man with a darker complexion, which our son inherited. I’m about 20 shades lighter than them in the summer. And, yes, I’m very jealous.