Shorts Story

Joe Fresh floral shorts
Top, Gap Factory; shorts, Joe Fresh; shoes, J. Crew Factory; necklace, RW&Co.’ bag, MbMJ (via eBay)

Stop. The. Presses.

I am wearing shorts. I repeat, I am wearing shorts. Oh-em-gee.

I haven’t worn shorts since I hit puberty. Well, more like crashed and burned into it. Anyway. The reasons I stopped wearing shorts then are not the same reasons why I haven’t worn them in the past few years. My list of insecurities has shrunk significantly in the interim. Cellulite is … intermittently one of them, but I actually have to work at getting worked up about it. I’ve got bigger effing problems.

I’m pasty.* That is the most “duh” statement I have probably ever made on this blog, but yeah. I’m pasty and I can’t be arsed to pretend otherwise. (Especially since my previous attempt to do something about it backfired in a spectacular manner.) Since I refuse to roll around in Cheetos dust to avoid offending the sensibilities of people irrationally revolted by pasty skin – who are inexplicably legion, but let’s not even start – I try to accommodate them by doing the next best thing. Hiding the pasty. (Not an euphemism.)

And, until two weeks ago, that meant no shorts.

Joe Fresh floral shorts
Protect your eyes

But then, recently, some of my internet friends* took to wearing shorts (naturally – it’s summer, and they’re not neurotic basket cases like me), and I felt like it was perhaps time to revisit the whole ban on shorts. Fran’s post was the final push and here we are.

Actually, the “shorts” I ended up buying – on a whim, at the grocery store, because that’s how I roll – are sleepwear. Yep, I wore pyjama bottoms. Out and about. In public. In a completely unironic way. Pause for a minute and let that sink in. But, also, once the second-hand embarrassment wears off, don’t forsake me. What is one questionable life choice among friends*?

* I was telling my mom about the shorts, and she reminded me of the time I was traveling in Europe, and this Italian guy said I looked like mozzarella. I mean, I don’t think he was trying to be unkind, but … damn.
* You refer to your favourite bloggers as “friends” too, right? Right?!

Blue, Cognac & Lace

What I Wore: Getting My Nails Did

AG Stevie cropped cords; Louis Vuitton Dentelle Speedy
Pants, AG (via Kijiji); blouse & shoes, Old Navy; cardigan, J. Crew Factory; bag, Louis Vuitton (via Kijiji)

So, this is a tweaked version of this outfit (oh, and this one too); I guess I’m feeling nostalgic about the 30 x 30 challenge already. (No. No, I’m not.) The titular blue and cognac should be fairly self-evident, but what about the lace, you ask? See, it’s all about the bag:

AG Stevie cropped cords; Louis Vuitton Dentelle Speedy
Fancy

This Dentelle Speedy was my very first high end designer bag. I found it on Kijiji 4 or 5 years ago, and my husband bought it for me for Christmas that year. (I had it authenticated on TPF, which I recommend that anyone purchasing an expensive designer bag in the secondhand market should do.) My favourite thing about it is the lace; it’s not only pretty, but it serves to obscure the famous LV monogram. I know many feel differently, but I don’t abhor the monogram per se; nevertheless, it’s an attention-grabber and these days I prefer my bags to be a little more understated. I seem to recall that the Dentelle line was inspired by Marie Antoinette (or the movie directed by Sofia Coppola, at any rate), which tickles my inner history buff.

Tl;dr – I have a bag. Also, am wearing clothes. Look, see?

AG Stevie cropped cords; Louis Vuitton Dentelle Speedy
I call this pose “The Hunchback of Notre Dame Edmonton”

Hey, do you have a coupla minutes for a quick ‘n dirty beauty review? It’s gonna be quick and picture-less because, while I’m too lazy to photograph my eyeballs (surprisingly difficult, by the way), I feel like this is important information you need to have. So, remember my new favourite mascara, the L’Oreal Voluminous Butterfly? Still loving it. And because I love it so, I decided to try the new Voluminous Miss Manga version, thinking it might be the next, even bigger, better thing.

Nope. I hate the Miss Manga brush with the mass of a thousand black holes. It’s horribly, almost comically floppy. I’m not sure how I missed that from the advertising, but I did. I thought it was bendable but, like, bend-and-lock-in-place bendable. But no. It’s like putting on mascara with a wet noodle. Not my thang. If you’re looking for a noodly mascara brush, are you ever in luck though. The formula itself is excellent, on par with the Butterfly version. (Maybe just ever so slightly goopier, though this may be a function of the brush applicator, which gives less separation/definition than the comb-like applicator of the Butterfly.) I have no issues with it, just the brush. This, people, is important stuff you need to know.

Ok, I’m done now.

No Dress Left Behind

Marc Jacobs Frida Flag dress
Dress, Marc by Marc Jacobs (via consignment); jacket, Tommy Hilfiger Factory; shoes, J. Crew Factory; bag, MbMJ (via eBay)

So, I almost passed on this dress. I walked out of the store and left it behind, because it wasn’t on my monthly shopping list and I was trying to be good. Bwahaha! But seriously, how can anyone walk out on a $50 silk dress when it looks this cute? Impossible, I say. Apart from the fun geo print, and the lovely colours, this dress has a little backstory: it was from the Marc by Marc Jacobs 10th anniversary collection. Being the MbMJ fan that I am, that little tidbit tickled my collector’s fancy. And here we are.

Seriously, how cute is it?

Marc Jacobs Frida Flag dress
Kay-ute!

So cute. Is it a little “young” for a 34-year old? Ehhh … you might have a point. But! I feel like a 22-year old most days (and 13 the rest of the time), so I’m technically dressing for my inner lamb, not the outer mutton. Or, um, something like that. Cute dress, you guys! Can never pass up a cute dress.